It was suggested by someone in forums that I should come here. Basically my story: MY STORY
Now what. I will know more next week I guess. He has been served and also, on the same day filed for divorce from the other one. I assume he is afraid of the trouble he could be in.
I think what I am going thru is not unique, although I feel so odd. I was made an adulteress, and then a second "wife" without my knowledge or consent. I feel violated that someone would go to such great lengths. I tried to talk to my friends about this, but the consensus there is, I waited until marriage for relations, and he probably wanted that. Confused. I even was called by the other wife. She thought I knew. I told her I just found out and apologized for her pain. She seems to be making excuses for him, and his lying. These people act so spiritual, but I don't see anything about lying being a good thing in the bible. In fact, it says abide by the laws of the land. Also, it discusses liars and the lake of fire.
I grew up in church. I had to leave where I was living and move to a city 6 hours away, to my apartment which I had kept. Now I am facing the music. If I ever can leave the apartment again.
I don't so much question my spirituality, but can see that it is not so serious to others. I mean, I married a missionary in training who is an ordained minister with another church affiliation. I think it is a major scandal. How could anyone hide from this? I keep thinking, is God looking down and seeing this? I have not lied. I followed his rules. What is God thinking?
I suppose I am lucky to have such friends as I do. I wonder how to trust another again ever. My parents always told me, whatever you do, marry a christian. How could you know the difference?

married, I can't add to the excellent advice you received here. I would definitely get an annulment, contact the police and expose him everywhere, especially at church. I think that covers it all!


He is probably pretty unhappy at your H for being a liar and an adulterer, but glad that you had the decency and character to expose him and move on. And yes, Christians are supposed to marry Christian, but he is not a Christian, he is a fraud.

True spirituality is displayed by a person's fruits, not false acts. Get out of your apartment and go for a walk. Soak up God's glory that He has created.

Trials are God's way of teaching and strengthening us. Don't be ashamed for what this guy did... He's not your husband.



I believe it's time for you to reveal that major scandal to the church. He's hidden from it because no one has ever outed him. Christ moved through the temple destroying the money changer's booths with righteous indignation. I think you could have some righteous indignation too. You must do it to reveal his sins though, not for revenge. I think you can handle that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />



Oh yeah! What's lying got to do with it? Following rules doesn't keep others from breaking them. Excellent question!

Trials from God are for our spiritual growth if we choose to grow. You may also be the tool he's using to reveal the sins of this guy and restore him. He may not be all bad, but then, we're all flawed.

Be at peace. Go to a park, get yourself a treat (this is important too), and sit and watch the people playing, birds flying, smell the grass, feel the breeze or the heat or the cold.... see God's glory. You'll feel better. Then go home, have a nice dinner, make yourself something different.
Read through Job a little... and remember, no one's dying!

This about taking care of yourself and finding your way. Get yourself strong, and then act as you should.

God Bless.

Sleepless

Thank you so much. My mother suggested Job as well. I have thought about all of that. I know that regardless of satan's plans, Job would not turn on God. He loved him too much. I feel that way. I guess I don't question what God is thinking. He knows that I love him and he is in my heart. I will get some air. I went downstairs and unpacked and started laundry. I will put on something decent, and go out in the sun. I know the Lord has many ways of dealing with people and although this has been a bad situation, God can turn it for the good. Thank you so much for reminding me of what I have inside. Anyhow, isn't God the best husband of all?

I think God WILL turn it for the good. Just keep your eyes open for it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />



I won't argue with that, but he left some pretty good men down here that are fun at movies, check the doors at night to make sure they're locked, and get you hot tea when your sick. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

The last thing I'll remind you of (because you'll remember when I say it) is to seek his will, not your own.

Let's recap my life. WW living in Europe with 8 year old son while I commute between U.S. and Europe. 18 year old son is in California at college. Feb. 27 caught wife having affair with 19 year old male nanny, wife is arrested for assaulting me after I sent the nanny back to his dad, April 5th, I need emergency eye surgery to repair a detached retina have to stay in the house for 10 days on my back, April 13 WW comes back to file for divorce, May 8 wife abducts 8 year old son to Europe, and files a restraining order against me. I begin receiving "hostage" calls from DS8. Now paying about $10,000 on lawyers and psychologist to determine where our DS8 will live, and on Thursday some ding dong thought it would be a good idea to stop around a blind corner of a tunnel on the highway I take to work, causing my truck to skid and roll over on it's side. I got out of it with only a scratch, but had to console the poor young lady behind me who was shaking. But hey! My truck made the evening news <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

The point of all of that is life throws us curve balls. Satan is doing everything he can to ruin your day. Don't give him the satisfaction. But then, my prayers lately have been, "OK Lord, I've had about enough of this. I don't want to know what's next..... surprise me!" And he usually does <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

There are people who have it a lot worse than I do. I'm fine. You are too. Enjoy God's gifts.

OK I'm off to wire a couple of closet lights..

Let us know what you did outside today! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

That is a tremendous story and you have incredible strength. Actually, I am feeling strong and in control right now. I am glad to hear from someone who can use God's word in such a grounded and practical way. I am feeling so thankful now for my blessings. I am so glad also, that you were most definitely under God's protection from that accident.
You seem to have alot of faith. May I just say, that is Cool.:)

That's for sure! But it would have been even MORE cool if I didn't have to replace the door on the right side. It was such an old truck, it wasn't insured. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />


Awww shucks <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />. Just trying to be a shining light! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Be anxious for nothing..... And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus (I left out the middle.)

So! What did you see today? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

mbt
I was just checking that you had got some people to talk to & I'm glad to see that you got some of the best here.

I'm afraid I dont believe in to much of anything any more but I wanted you to get some help when you needed it...so glad you did.

dont let that mans act of selfish self interest change the person YOU are.
You are not at fault HE is.

Just look at this logically too, ANY M is only as good as the honesty of the people going into it. Anyone of us could lie & say we are not M and who would know if it never caught up with us but ourselves?

Dont let this man win by driving you away from friends and family and your life. Its a horrible thing hes done but you had the courage to stand up to him. BE proud of that. it took courage through your pain to do so, dont be his victim as well.

Go out with your head held high as you retained your honesty & integrity even when it hurt you to do so.

ok, now this is not good. He is in town "working" for a week, and called last night, torturing me. I told him he is a sick liar and ended up hanging up on him. I went to my parent's last nite and stayed up late with my mom and sister-in-law. I came home and my apartment door was wide open.
I am obsessive compulsive about locking up. Well, there was no forced entry and no way to prove his whereabouts for sure. Fingerprinting doubtful, since he has obviously been there, and so have alot of people. Now, I know he may have a key. The police can watch, but if this was him, and I suspect it was since he chose to stay in a hotel near my apartment and far from his work, I am feeling rather uncomfortable. I went to bed at 6 am. I hear every noise. I am crying. My daughter spent the night at my mom's, and I refuse to let them worry, especially a child.

mbt

report it to Police let them know the back ground AND get teh lock changes asap..if that cannot be today go stay with your family until the locks are changed.

its just better to be safe than sorry until you know what game hes playing here.

This is my suggestion ..... and NO, I am NOT kidding.

Call the biggest newspaper in your city and ask if they have an investigative reporter on staff. Tell them you have uncovered a scandal they may wish to report about .... involving a church!

Then hand everything you know about the story over to the reporter.

This guy is a devil and a menace to society and the community needs to be warned ... warned about him.

This is exposure as well as a community service. this is NOT revenge .... his bigamy needs to be publicly outed! Know why? There may be ~other wives~ involved who still think he's only married to them!

Pep

This is easy to fix. Have the apartment manager change the locks, because you don't know who came in, and someone may have kept a key.

They should do it right away. It only takes a little time. Call them right away and leave a message. You could just install a slide bolt on the inside of the door tonight. Home Depot for less than $20. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Update: Have talked to police. Records are all there. He filed for a divorce from the other after his marriage records date to me. Pretty much open and shut. Basically,the choice is not mine. He broke the law as the police said, and he will be arrested. Wow, that is a big thing.
This gives me guilty feelings, but I know that he will learn the hard way for very evil decisions.
One good thing here is, I am detaching alot from this,and realizing there is life after this. I am thankful for friends. I am thankful for what I do have. I know he is not really a good person and I have had to come to that realization. I think shock is over and now, I don't even think I am acting in a revenge state.

There was a similar story on MB but it was a few years ago.

A woman discovered her H had a separate life, another home, another wife, and a child .... but the woman posting here on MB was the first wife, therefore legal wife. It was really strange.... but she came out of it OK. Sad and bruised, but intact.

Best wishes to you. You will get past this.

Pep

I discussed this thing with the people at the police dept. and they conclude from their investigating so far that this poor guy is trying to make this situation right by divorcing the other one and probably just "didn't maliciously do this", and probably this would be overlooked. He knew what he was doing. This cop doesn't care, or believes the DA would not care. It's no big deal.
Seems as though taking a wrecking ball to people's lives is fine nowadays.
Poor him. Geez. Justice is overlooked in this day and age. I am really depressed thinking of the non-accountability he has, but others pay a price.

Justice is overlooked in this day and age. I am really depressed thinking of the non-accountability he has, but others pay a price.

Hi Married, I read your story when you put it up and did it ever ring some bells with me! I understand what you are wrestling with...marital AND spiritual betrayal. I don't have time to post my thoughts as my dad has been in critical condition since last week (I just actually popped in to see what was up on MB) but just so that you know, what goes around really does come around.

I never thought I'd ever bring this up since I arrived on this board initially as an FWW and that has been my "official" postition for the purposes of the forum (LOL) but *gasp* I actually was a BS in my previous marriage. It started with my best friend the first year, moved on to various and sundry women of whom I know little about over the next 5 years and then the whopper: the homosexual affair he had with our "in the closet" conservative pastor. XH was a real spiritual giant in my eyes and it was a huge blow to find out the truth about his secret life.

It was betrayal of a GRAND order and not something I like to think about very often. People are not always who we think they are and it's hard not to beat yourself up when conned but trust me it's THEM not YOU. I don't have time to get into this right now, but wanted you to know that you are not alone, spiritual betrayal on top of marital betrayal is HUGE but you can and will move on in your life, what happens to him is in God's hands. I'll try to get back to you but I really have my hands full, kids get out of school this week, my dad in the hospital ect. A big hug to you, KB

Hi, marriedabigamist.

Please do consider the suggestion that Pepperband made. This guy had to be acutely aware of what he was doing.

Since he has entered your apartment, please also consider a protection order against him. He is going to be desperate to contact you.

For what it is worth, my mother committed bigamy with another man while my father was in boot camp. She ended up in jail. Don't make a mistake and let this guy talk his way back into your heart. You are very likely better off without him, regardless of his efforts to set things right.

God bless,
Gimble

SNS: "But hey! My truck made the evening news"

That was you? I never watch the news but I saw that one.

You caused my FWW to be late for for a meeting and me to catch the resulting ire...LOL

Oh yeah! My apologies to your FWW. Some idiot stopped around the blind corner, I stopped in time to miss him, but the truck skidded just enough for the left front wheel to roll up the center divider. I felt really bad about blocking the road. It shouldn't take an HOUR to get a tow truck there. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

well, the police will be pretty light on him, they have said. I guess Dallas is too busy to worry about bigamist. They seem to think he is trying to correct the situation by divorcing the other one, even though I filed for an annullment. There was an opinion that this man will probably not intentionally try to hurt anyone again. I was floored, thinking of the things happening to me over this. I left my job and almost was out of my apartment over all this. My daughter is messed up in the head. Now, i have an early miscarriage to add to this. Along with hypertension.
This is actually starting to make me laugh, because it is like off a tv show. BTW, my tv in my bedroom blew out today....sigh.
This sick man knows of these things and has offered nothing to help.(except the tv, why tell about that)
I believe exposure to compensate for my casualities might be the right medicine. I have gotten some ideas from this site. Some I would have never considered. I am discreet. Or I was.
Maybe my attorney said let him handle this for a reason. Maybe he knows it is too much. Therapy must continue.
I see that today is a good day because I have not done anything like some people do, when they get hurt like this. My therapist has a friend who actually got screwed over, and went and slashed her WS tires. Except, she somehow got the wrong car. Instead it was some big woman with alot of wrath, who went chasing her down the road. I guess these kinds of things do happen. Sigh...
anyhow, atleast I have friends and some family. My daughter. these things are good.