Go away, boys, I mean it. We ladies need to talk some stuff over without you looking over our shoulders. You’ll have your own thread in a minute – go look it up.

Ok, are they gone? Well, there have been several questions on the board lately about reinstating sex with reluctant spouses, and it seemed something like this might be helpful. In my own sitch, FWH completely shut me out several weeks before d-day, and cut off all affection, and yes, sex too. Or at least he tried to cut out the sex, but didn’t succeed.

Throughout our married life, I have responded to his advances each time with enthusiasm, but seldom initiated anything. I didn’t have to – he would take bending over to pick something up off the floor to be invitation enough. So when I was suddenly sitting there alone in the cold, metaphorically speaking, I had only one choice. If I wanted any, I had to go get it myself.

So how do you transform from a kitten to a tigress? As with anything, the first changes you need to make are to yourself. Get your hands on some hot lingerie. Wear sexy undies. If you feel hot, it will be easier to make somebody else feel hot, too. It doesn’t matter how your filmy nighties make him feel. You will feel great.

For real shock value, you can always get out the razor and do some creative, um, hairstyling. You don’t have to take it all to get the effect you want. You can be conservative and do a light trim and tidy up your bikini edges, go for middle-of-the-road and take out the lower areas around your labia, or go all-out and shave it all! (Do what you want, but I would not personally recommend this last option.) Anyplace you used to have hair and now you don’t, will give you a new range of exciting sensations, adding to your confidence as a temptress.

Ok, now attitude. Give yourself a pep talk. You can do this! Really, in the seducing a reluctant spouse department, we women in general have a much easier job than the men. They have to walk a tangled minefield of emotions, while we can just walk right up to the slot machine and pull the lever.

Which brings me to my next suggestion. Especially with the very reluctant spouse, go straight to the target. Don’t waste time (at first) with areas that merely tickle, where they might be able to think well enough to say no. If they start to protest incoherently, pretend you don’t understand them, giggle, and do something else to divert their attention. Be bold! Be brave! Show them how much you desire them, and don’t be discouraged by a lack of response, though of course don’t try to actually force them, either.

Don’t be afraid to try new things or positions. There is nothing shameful between a husband and wife if both partners want to try it. Well, almost nothing. I would definitely want to draw a moral line well on this side of bondage, etc. I am talking about SF here, not kinky stuff. (If I have offended any S&M queens, I apologize. This is only my personal opinion.) Is your husband interested in something, but you have always been afraid to try? Initiate it, and watch him get blown away.

Ok, ladies, it’s your turn. What other ideas can you think of to help those who are in the awkward position of trying to help their hubbies desire them again? Please choose your replies carefully, as I am really not trying to make the mods’ lives difficult. Have fun!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

what use to work for me is when we were on long road trips and the kids were asleep I would give him OS while he was driving (yes I know this is dangous I do not do it often) and I would continue until he was on the verge of finishing and I would taper off, making him wait until the kids were home and in bed- and let me tell you he can do it in record speed!!!! Then we would make an enjoyable evening for both of us... you have to shake things up sometimes. As I posted in another thread, I have also tried meeting him at the door with a smile- and only a smile. I have sent him pictures on his phone of me in lace, I have sent text messages telling him what I wanted to do to him later, I rub his back and kiss his neck when he gets home from work. I tell him what a stud i think he is and he laughs, but then struts as he walks away. I surprise him in the shower... However I am the wife that rarely gets any so I have been trying really hard to be creative, I have to jump start his sex drive somehow.... I need new ideas!

Creative hairstyling... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

My husband never had a problem in the area of a lacking libido but since my new hairstyle, hubba hubba. I never new men really digged that.

This is coming from a 'good girl' who has been told all her life she has an 'innocent-looking' face, LOL.

Dirty talk always worked for me - whispering in his ear what I wanted to do or have done, especially in a restaurant or some other public place, or with the kids in the room.

The other suggestions mentioned worked, too, although I have never tried the 'creative hairstyling.' <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Oh, I read your post again, 'Neak. I thought by 'creative' you meant weird shapes or zig zags, LOL. I'm okay with the creative hairstyling the way you described it.

Of course, take my advice with a grain of salt. My WH is still wayward, and with a hag who is definitely a downgrade. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> So, what do I know?

Edited to add: Lack of libido was never a problem, but it never hurts to spice things up, eh?

Hi girls.

Can a reluctant celibate join in this discussion?

Can't even remember what used to work for me - it's been so long! SF is in my top three ENs, too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I always thought that WH found me a little too 'full on'. I was more adventurous than him, would frequently initiate SF and eventually he began rejecting me, prefering to read or just sleep (headaches, anyone?) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

The last time I remember him being really interested in me was when I'd been standing outside in our yard one evening, enjoying the most fantastic thunderstorm I can ever remember (about four years ago, this). I came running inside, soaking wet of course, and was grabbed from the side by a rampant H who ravished me right there on the kitchen floor. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I guess the electrically charged, 'wet' look worked for us.

*sigh*

Alph.

I've been going to the tanning salon the past week or so and as a result I managed to burn a few areas that don't often see the light of day, but also my back.

My WH took us on a date last week and when we had gotten back to the house (he is not staying here, his choice) I asked him to put some lotion on my back as I can't reach it entirely. He said yes. While I hadn't intended on it (I swear!!) that's all it took.

Sometimes, for those of us who are usually aggressive in going after what we want, it's the slight innocent type of things that..uh...move a man.

Holding my sides from laughing so hard...


Ah, second, so I'm not the only one then, lol. Yes, this can be dangerous, and no responsible adult would recommend it, much less do it, but it can be such fun! I am just amazed at how well a man can steer during this; it must be the testosterone.


Even if they don't, it will really get their attention! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


***whoops of mirth, tears of laughter*** I can just picture what I'd look like - prim and proper church girl above, zig zags and swirls below! LOLOLOLOL!!!


Oh Alph, you're welcome anytime. It just goes to show, you never know what's going to turn them on at any given time. Before we were ever dating, AJ would kindly offer to hold the ladder for me to paint the fire station. I thought he was just being nice, and didn't learn differently for a long, long time. You know, we haven't really experimented with ladders recently....hmmmmm.


See? I knew we'd end up with advice for just about every sitch and personality type. This is fascinating. And congratulations, Stop, for building yet another happy memory.

One last word: regarding the subject of OS, if you haven't tried it there are lots of ways so you don't have to worry about anything. Taste? Use a flavored prophylactic or go in the shower. Smell? You were already in the shower, remember? Be open to experimentation.

Mom? What are you doing here??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> OMG...if my Mom read here and posted any of her "tips" , <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> I'd need me some therapy! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I'm just saying... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

P.S. Wear a tiara around the house and while having sex. Men are turned on by making love to Queens! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Oh yeah, I also have a Sweet Potato Queen black nightshirt. It says in hot pink letters "Lick you all over for TEN CENTS" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I sometimes run specials. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Just let him KNOW you are willing and interested.

Be happy...joke around. Be light hearted and spontaneous. Be unpredictable...a little mystery. Be playful and enthusiastic.

What man can resist ravishing a woman like this?

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

scandalous! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Don't you yankee gals have any shame!? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Nope. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Another fun thing to try is attacking your husband while he is asleep. Chances are that he will wake up with a smile on his face.

Well, when we first got married, we used to try it in public - no Mel, not at the grocery store.

But a deserted beach at the ocean is nice at night. If you can get them out in the boonies, you might try it.

Just be very careful - I would hate for anyone to end up in the can.

ok, I do have to admit that I get a huge kick out of flashing DH. [drives him crazy!] **snort** Don't tell my mother, ok?

Mel<----what a ho'! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I find attitude is EVERYTHING. For instance when my xh was wh I took on a whole new attitude, I was working (had to he wasn't living with us), I was happy, when he came in to get the girls the house was different, smelled good (of course I made his favorite desserts and foods LOL), music playing. I had new outfits that flattered me, I took care of myself, I flirted and one day I backed him into a corner, something fell on the floor and I bent right down to pick it up and guess where my tushy was? LOL

Guess who got a phone call that night wondering if I could come by his mom's?

I am one that you NEVER know what to expect. With my Hubby now I will go in the shower with him, wash him down, take my time in certain areas. One thing leads to another

Texts, emails, make him a CD with some good makin' love music on it, leave him cards in his car (they have some steamy ones), write him a letter of things you want to do to him, my husband loves when I write him erotic stories. There is a great website that has some good ideas, if you want it let me know.

I could go on and on but I guess I look in the mirror and know i'm something special (a Goddess if you will, Hi Mimi), and can kill two birds with one stone, I need to pamper myself and my hubby.....

Speaking of showers, one of my favorite things is when we wash each other with those mesh scrubby things, and whoever is washing, after everything is soapy, holds the scrubby up to the hot water just enough to get it soaking wet but not rinse the soap out, then squeezes it across the other's back. Repeat in front. The bubbles gush and run all over, down the back (or front) and legs. It is like an all-over massage, and wonderful whether before, during, or after certain other things.

Here are several things I did as foreplay:

1) During the end of a run on a beach, I'd strip and go streak towards the ocean. It would always end in very steamy sex in the shower.

2) Whispering in ear during an intimate night on the town that I wasn't wearing any underwear...he'd always get a huge grin on his face and couldn't wait to get home to unwrap.

3) On a road trip, I would reminisce with WH about some of our best sex sessions and then help get him started with a hand job and a bit of exposure on my part....soon enough, we'd be pulled off on the side of the road enjoying each other!

4) Prancing around in the house in little boy shorts and a cropped/see thru top to expose my breasts...it always got him going.

5) Stradling him on the couch, looking straight into his eyes and telling him how much I loved him.

6) Watching HBO porn together...worked for us anyways

7) Dancing with him in a very sensual manner at a club...giving him peaks of what was to come later in the evening ( :

8) My WH loved au-natural so he was turned on just watching me sleep and especially when I first woke up in the mornings. Sometimes, I'd make a point to be naked in bed in the mornings so when he woke up and saw me there, he'd get aroused immediately.

9) When WH came home from work one day, I had his firefighting trench coat (unbuttoned) and his FF helmet on and nothing else.

10) Anything a bit risky got him going...sex at his or my parents house, at work, etc.

11) I like to write so I wrote several steamy poems regarding sex, intimacy and love that always got him going.

12) Eat food in a very provacative, suggesting manner. Ice cream cones were a good one.

13) Just a very sensual touch could set him off sometimes

It is kind of fun to reflect back on this but also sad seeing that I no longer get to share this with him.

hopeImwrong?

Whaz up with 'dat?

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Head of IT, oo oo yeah...

I haven't tried streaking around the ocean since I was 2 or so. It might be time to try again, eh?

Also, isn't it weird how even after many years of marriage, it still feels naughty to do anything in your parents' house?