As the thread title says, why do people meet and have sex for the first time via some Internet sex site?

I was watching 20/20 on ABC and they did the whole segment on this. Some slutty woman who authored a book explained "How to Cheat on your Spouse." Really ticked me off. She said humans were not meant to be monogamous creatures. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Here's a link: http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/WolfFiles/story?id=116490&page=1

She was about 50 years old and has had 100's of affairs with Married Men "ONLY." I wish I could kick this woman. She dates married men because all they want is good sex on the side and that is all she wants. She wanted no long term relationships or some guy falling in love with her. The whole show made me sick. It looked like ABC was actually condoning the subjuect.

Comments from the show:

"Are you married and looking for a one-night stand? Need a soul mate to fill the void that's been growing since your wedding day?

Even if you just need an alibi to explain where you were last night, there are companies especially designed for the married-but-looking clientele."

The ease of the Internet is one reason women are quickly catching up to men in the arena of extramarital nookie, according to Newsweek. Nowadays, an estimated 30 percent to 40 percent of wives are unfaithful, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> compared to 50 percent of husbands, therapists told the news magazine.

He says women are more active than men on his message boards.

AshleyMadison.com, a dating site for married adults "with unmet needs,"

And you should be warned: Some married daters expect you not to cheat on your mistress with another mistress — a concept known as "polyfidelity." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

From one philanderer to another, are you emotionally prepared for an affair? Can you handle the guilt, hide incriminating receipts and delete computer files that would spell ruin in divorce court?

This warning comes from a man who identifies himself as Doug Mitchell. He won't give out his real name because, in addition to a wife, two children and a dog, he has had a girlfriend for seven years — just about as long as he's been running this site.

Mitchell says he's still dating the same woman and that his marriage has actually improved <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> because he's found a way of life that suits him.

"It's not for everyone. You have to be prepared," he says. "My girlfriend knows I run the site. My wife does not."

A philanderer isn't a bad person as much as a person who finds his marriage is missing something, and an affair might be that certain spark, he says.

Is Chatting Cheating? The advent of Internet dating over the last few years may have changed courtship more than anything since the advent of the pill.

Some married folks miss that thrilling yet harrowing experience of flirting with a stranger via e-mail. This could be why so many straying spouses slip off their wedding ring and into an online persona.

All online dating services say they've had trouble with married men posing as single dreamboats.

"Thirty percent of those who use online dating services are married," the Web site claims. "Why not join a site specifically designed for you? With marriedsecrets.com, there's no excuses, no explanations."

If you're still bent on cheating, however, you'll get free how-to guides and handy — presumably tested — advice.

Never use credit cards, a hotel phone or let anyone take a picture.

Toothpaste is apparently great to remove a lipstick stain. If you're still worried about telltale signs of a lover on your apparel, stop at a gas station, smear yourself with motor oil and claim you slipped while pumping gas. Better to ruin a shirt than a marriage.

Condoms are part of the philanderer's code, Mitchell says. And it's a good habit to use generic nicknames like "honey" and "dear" to avoid mix-ups when you get home.

Another part of the philanderer's creed: "I will never compromise my lover's home situation by thoughtless or selfish actions." Also: Never tell anyone what you are doing, not even your best friend.

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[b]I can't phathom having sex within minutes or hours after meeting some woman who I know nothing about.

What about Testing for STD's?

Do these people NOT care about catching a Disease?

Are they not having their needs met by someone else? If not, why not?

Could they possibly have some type of Mental Health issue?

I think Society has gone to Hell. I was born 40 years too late. The Institution of Marriage appears to be gone forever.

I feel sorry for my teenage kids. My guess is they'll both Divorce. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

Am I the only Monogamous person left? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

very disheartening to read this

Makes me feel sick to my stomach.

Alph.

There are a few of us left. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Count me in as monogamous, both emotionally and physically, for all the good it's done me.
Mulan

[b]I'm still sick after seeing this trash.

WTF is going on with todays Society?

50% of all Married Men and 40% of all Married Women cheat. Pisses me off to no end.

I still find these numbers hard to believe. Is this TRUE?

If I end up being divorced I don't think I'll ever get married again. I am so disheartened about relationships.

I feel like giving up on true love.

TA, if these numbers are true, then 50% of all married men and 60% of all married women don't cheat. That's something, at least.

That doesn't help me much, 50/50 sucks.

It's getting worse, not better. Those numbers will go up.

No wonder why AIDS is at the highest rate ever in the US.

TA,

I share your disgust at how many cheaters there are and the risk of exposing an unknowing spouse to AIDS and other STDs. It sickens me how the media seems to glamorize cheating.

It is my hope and prayer that my WH will eventually be my reformed WH. If we do end up divorced, though, I refuse to stop believing that there is someone out there, somewhere, who can be faithful to me and not treat me like garbage. I have to believe that, even though things look pretty grim right now.

I sometimes tend to be one of those annoying 'glass half full' people. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I joined Match.com a few months ago more so to try to catch my WH redhanded as I thought he may have been flirting with OW on this site. Long story short, I ended up putting a profile up and going on a few dates. One of my dates had the same wedding band as my WH but he was wearing it on his right hand much like my WH had said he would do when out with OW. I stared at it the entire date and at the end I said go home to your f*ckin wife. He got all red faced and apologized before leaving the restaurant. I am very scared of the society we live in today as there is a definite lack of appreciation as to what love and marriage truly symbolize. However, I also want to believe that good still exist...I sure know what not to look for or stand for in my quest for a 2nd husband.

I dunno.

Maybe a better question iss why do some of us stay monogamous?

These 'sex on the side' people are sickening - their activities are cold and calculating, not even wrapped in the infatuated 'love' bull that supresses all morality and common sense in to many affairees.

Such serial extramarital shagging is like 'dog in the street' behaviour IMO.

I don't think I could have forgiven Squid if she'd done that.

This whole internet sex site thing really ticks me off. I am a victim per say of this. My WH found his OW from one of these sites. He posted that he was married looking for a discreet relationship. He did not bargain for his OW not being discreet 6 months into thier relationship. She was the one to let me know of the A. She sent me to the site and his profile. I paid 20 bucks to join to see his profile. I then had my profile with no pictures, but you would be amazed at the offers I had within 2 days of being on the site. It is disgusting. I had many date offers, all of which knew I was married. I think I became a challenge to some of them. I of course am the faithful spouse, and even out of anger would never cheat on my family, my children mean way to much to me to ever do that.

But these sites are what they are. How ironic that an internet that helps us get through a day sometimes here, is the same place that my WH used to get a peice of as*.

At this point in time, I believe the Internet has done more harm then good.

Any woman who post herself on Sex sites will get plenty of hits. They are the ones being pursued, so when a woman offers herself up for Kinky sex you can be sure she will get a ton of replies. Provide a pornographic pic and you will have hundreds of emails.


I've checked these sites myself, I was surprised at how Beautiful some of these women are. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />


There's an old saying, "the most beautiful women in the world are Porno stars." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I still think there has to be some type of chemical or brain imbalance for these women to have all these partners.

Eventually having sex with all these men is going to lead to STD's or getting physically hurt by some lunatic.

It's like prostitution except now the men don't Pay, go figure. The Prostitution business must be way down, LOL.

Did you know the record for Intercourse by ONE woman was set last year. She had sex with over 800 men (mostly college guys) in one night. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

They were shooting for one thousand guys but ran out of time. 300 men were left standing.

Condoms were NOT required. About half the guys didn't wear one. Are they out of their friggin minds? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

One guy actually gave her oral sex after about 500 men been with her, sickening. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

There is a video out now of the entire event. It was being promoted on the Howard Stern show.

They would use Fluff girls to get the men to the point of ejaculation and then they would finish with this woman who set the record.

I saw the Video (about 10 minutes is all I could take), it was NASTY. I won't get into details. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

My WH also went searching on chatlines and found his OW, with whom triggered our separation and pending divorce; they now live together just down the street from me after she moved 2000+ miles to be with him....sick. OW exposed herself via webcam to get my WH's attention. I honestly cannot believe one can make a true connection online when it is obvious a lot of lies are told along the way. I think WS's go online to help stroke their little egos in some sick kind of way.

Too funny for both these Bozos.

What makes your husband think she will not keep posting on sex sites?

Is he the perfect man, the perfect lover, the perfect husband, LOL.

So both were addicted to Sex sites and now majically they are cured. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

BP:

I have to admit I don't quite understand this post by you. I would think squid being in an "emotional love affair" like she was would be a whole hell of a lot more painful than her "shagging" some bloke she met on one of these websites. Hey, but that is just me.

LM

Answers to your questions:
1) Neither can I
2) Testing? What testing?
3) No.
4) No.
5) Maybe, but not likely.
6) Yes. It has changed radically.
7) You're probably right.
8) No.

Its a complex subject LM, and even I'm not certain how I feel about this.

My rationale is that at least Squid, however deludedly, believe dshe was in 'love' with OM and was infatuated by him, and planned to spend her life with him. Fortunately for me OM didn't agree but played along for sex and flattery.

To seek out and mechanically bang a series of partners is has no such 'emotional' defence, and is a calculatedly hostile and selfish act.

As I write I realise so is ANY affair, EA included.

Maybe spouses of WS-serial mechanical shaggers would prefer an entangled affair too ? DUnno.

Interesting though.

That I think is the funniest part. They were both posting on internet sites, she with pictures and all. He did not have his pictures there, but his profile included all the things he enjoyed, that we did as a family. SICK!!

Then when she exposed the A to me via telephone at work, yes she called me at my job, he felt betrayed by her...go figure!!

I mean to find your soulmate on like cupid or other dating places is one thing, but to think you might find that special someone, who exposes thier whole naked body for all to see on a porn site is another.

But as I think more on that, it was my WH looking and posting too. What was a porn addiction, quickly turned into an A. If your chatting about it and seeing her or him nude, how hard is it to just do the real thing, especially when you live 10 minutes from his workplace. Very convienent I think.

New to this site. Is there somewhere I could learn the abbreviations???

Quick summary - my man was basically addicted to these sites. Started as a joke, then started chatting for fun and the arousal, then decided what the heck, and met for sex. Went on for about a year with various couples, I caught him by installing eblaster to track all computer activity and found everything. Pictures of them having sex, etc. Basically he has no emotional feelings for any of them. It was the high of sneaking around the crazy sex with strangers and couples.

That's what I'm not finding on any of these message boards. It seems like the cheater usually wants the OW. Not mine. He's beyond remorseful. I'm not excusing, but I believe he got caught up in it and the high of two separate lives.

Well, I've just decided to give him a chance to work this out. I'm trying to determine what I need to feel comfortable that this won't happen again.

Is it right to demand elimination of all porn? But his friends send it to him. I don't really think videos and stuff is bad myself, but like alcohol, one sip leads into a bottle. Or should I say porn only with me?

Can I request he not socialize with the group of friends that think this kind of behavior is acceptable?

Has anyone been cheated on where the guy doesn't want the woman - does that make it easier to move forward together?

Besides the advice given on this site - what other resources are good?

Is a counselor essential to working through this?

Oh yea - how do I get my family and friends to go along with the reconciliation when they know what happened?