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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 224
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I am currently entrenched in Plan A, 3 months post 2nd A DDay. Probably not the best Plan A, but a fair effort on my part. My WH has been going to IC for a couple of years, and I have always suspected that WH's IC "empowered" him to conduct his As. Now that I have been to IC, it seems to me that ICs can be dangerous to a M (since they are given one perspective of the issues in the M, and support the position of their client). If WH is OK with it, should I go to a session with his IC? My plan would be to ensure that his IC (1) sees that I'm not the raving lunatic that his IC has probably heard about; and (2) to tell his IC that I am committed to WH and working on our M. What do y'all think?
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Joined: Jun 2005
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Bumped . . . for a second chance <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 469
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Hi,
IMO, yes, you should go along.
First, you want the IC to see that, as you say, you are not some 'raving lunatic', that you are a real, normal person.
Second, you want to see what the IC is all about. That your H could conduct an A while seeing an IC says something negative about the IC. Not that the IC controls your H, but still, it bothers me.
You both deserve an IC/MC who is pro-marriage, and supportive of both of you.
Best of luck to you.
me-FBS M-6/84 3 great kids
A-2/03-5/04 DDay-5/8/04 WD - severe-5/04-9/04 with continuing C; NC ltr-9/3/04
In Recovery with God's help
Praying for all WS/BS. Blessings!
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 224
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Posts: 224 |
Thanks, Healing. I just needed some perspective. His As during IC have been bothering me, too, particularly since I didn't think WH was even capable of such deceit.
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 3,179
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Yeah, you should go, but don't be suprised if you don't really find anything else new. Your WH IC may have "empowered" him or whatever, but it was still your WH who is doing this to the family...PLan A all you can to your hearts content.........and then come on over to the dark side...(Plan B).....where it in my opinion, really gets things going........either way. You become a winner if you do it this way.
Please do not do the waffle PLan B today, oh i love WH plan A tomorrow. Pick one and get to work.
Some people just don't get it, they don't get it that they don't get it.
I had the right to remain silent.......but I didn't have the ability.
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 224
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Lemonman, do I sound like I'm waffling? My Plan A is about improving my own well-being and avoiding LBs with WH. I have no idea if WH's A is still ongoing. I am trying to focus less on that and more on me. Have I got it right?
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 479
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I agree w/ everyone here. You should definitely go, if anything, just to make sure that the IC is helping the M, not breaking it down. Not to make you feel worse, but during my A, I went to an IC who helped tremendous in getting me past a lot of my childhood issues. But, when it came to A's, she was all over the place. Meaning, she constantly asked me how I felt and suggested that I should do what felt good to "satisfy my inner child". Well, heck, if I did everything according to what felt good at the time, I would be unhappy, divorced and regretting my decision for the rest of my life. You see, very few IC's actually understand and know how to help couples survive A's. When you do go see the IC, be watchful of these signs. Make sure that the IC is a pro-M IC.
Good luck,
Whisper
FWW (me) 32 / BH 33
M - 12 yrs / 0 kids
EA/PA lasted 1.5 yrs
NC - 5/25/05 ... in recovery ever since!!!
"If you love something, set it free ..."
(Just glad I was smart enough to come back!)
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