Ok so now he wants to be alone? He leaves me home, we have not done a thing together in a year. He wouldnt go with me to town, nor to the movies nor even to the store. Heck we havent even been out to lunch together in public in a year. At first his excuse was..i dont want to leave the kids alone for a long period of time. OK>... we live a mile off the main highway and that IS a concern. BUT. it was only an excuse because now that I have started an evening job, he is gone all the time. With new friends, single and not family oriented at all. Yes most have wives but are all disgustingly rude with OTHER women.

He is keeping things from me, never tells me a thing, hardly EVER talks to me. I do NOT get ANY affection, touching, talking etc at all. What i do get is a once (maybe) a month quicky in the middle of the night, which (now I am pathetic) i eagerly accept because its the ONLY human contact I get.

He avoids me I am sure. I leave for work about 4:45 and he makes sure he is never here when I leave. When we are together, like today, he sleeps or finds some excuse to leave the house. Friday night, he calls me from work and says..... do you mind if I go to a cook out with some of the guys.....and I was like...um.....well are you going to leave the kids home or are you taking them? he says....I am leaving them h ome! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> I wont be long he says. He gets home about 11pm. Well apparently he knew there would be a roping today and he didnt tell me til after he found out i was working today. Does he ask my schedule? nope. Does he care? nope. So today he takes a couple kids and leaves.

I am LAST on his list of concern. He snaps at me, yells at me, and IF it is ME who gets snappy he will freak out! It is oke for him to do nasty things to me but it isnt ok for me to get upset.

The late night sex makes me feel like a ho. I am only good enough to get off on, but not good enough to talk to. Goodness forbid should I <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> initiate sex.....he is not turned on, shoves me away. We are sleeping in the same bed for the first time in 2 years, yet that is what we do....sleep. God could build a four lane highway between us too.

I dont know where to set boundaries because I am pathetic and dont want to lose him. But to me it seems i already have. He will not pay any of MY bills, I have a fine to pay, $50.00 a month, I have tuition to pay, 250.00 a month and the tv was in my name.....didnt get paid...shut off.

I am working as a waitress for 2.00 an hour, with 10.00 tips a night. It pays for the gas in my car to get to work and school and that is it.

So what do I do? I am so dang lonely it is unreal. I realize I must pay for my sin.....but this is getting ridiculous.

Sorry....frustrated.

me

It sounds like he feels entitled to do as he pleases since you were unfaithful x2.

What did you both do to recover from your 2 A's. Were you radically honest with him about all the why's, how's, where's or any other questions he had regarding the A's. Did you ask his forgiveness, reassure him all the time? Were you remorseful?

I guess I don't know your story and how he found out about your A's and whether or not he is convinced you have changed and won't have another A.

He sounds like he hasn't even begun to recover from your A's. It was a huge attack on his ego as a man. It sounds like he is still angry, hurt, and resentful and hasn't forgiven you and is not in the frame of mind to really rebuild your marriage so it can recover.

Did you seek marriage counselling with a pro-marriage counselor?

You have 5 children? Maybe he is just staying in the marriage for the children but has decided to live a married single lifestyle (independant behavior) as he believes you were doing. Are the kids old enough to be left alone at night the way they have been?

If you haven't already done so, you should get the homestudy Marriage Builders program and work it together if he is willing. Or, if you haven't already done so get HNHn, Surviving an Affair, and Love Busters by Dr. Willard Harley and try to read them together and discuss each chapter.

Is he at all willing to work on the marriage? Somehow, I think the answer to that question is No, not at this point anyway.