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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 149
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 149 |
I guess my DD senses more than I thought. Last night, my WW went to her friend's house for a few hours. My daughter cried and said she didn't want her to leave. WW said "mommy will be right back" and I picked her up and carried her inside to talk to her. I asked her if there was anything she wanted to talk about. She said "I want my mommy". I said "Mommy will be back, but you will have to wait until morning." It was already past bedtime. She said "I'm just worried mommy is never going to come back. I think she is going to live with (the friend) and she won't come back anymore." It killed me, because it could still come true. She may leave. What do I tell DD or 3yo DS? They are too smart to fool for long...
ME-28yo WW-29yo DD-5yo DS-4yo
M-5yrs DDay-5\26\05
Click here to read my story.
"Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy." - Leo Buscaglia
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 8,016
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 8,016 |
They are too smart to fool for long...
Why try to fool them at all?
She said "I'm just worried mommy is never going to come back. I think she is going to live with (the friend) and she won't come back anymore."
Tell her she should ask mommy about that.
She said "I want my mommy". I said "Mommy will be back, but you will have to wait until morning."
Don't try to cover up or take responsibilty for Mommy's misdoings.
Don't tell her mommy will be back because if she doesn't come back, you will be the liar/bad guy.
Tell her what mommy said. "Mommy went to xx house. She said she would be back in the morning."
Yes, it really sucks because they are going to be hurt.
You need to be the rock for your kids because your ws is not doing it.
You need to be the one they can depend on.
Prayers & God Bless!
Chris
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 896
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 896 |
This is a hard one. The OW told my 10 year old son that she was sleeping with his father. It was very dificult for our son.
If there is a way to protect them I think you should. At least until you know for sure about what direction your marriage is going in.
They are babies, they can only handle so much. Do tell them just to get back at your wife.
Me (BS) - 38
Him (WS) - 40
DDay - 7/6/04
Seperated - 5/26/04 - 8/9/4
In Recovery
The Lord told me to Press On!
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 8,016
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 8,016 |
Do tell them just to get back at your wife.
I hope you meant "don't" tell them just to get back at his wife.
As little as they are, what they are told should be kept age appropriate, but you should not lie to them.
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 149
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 149 |
I am not lying to them. I just want to protect long enough until we figure out where we are going with this.
ME-28yo WW-29yo DD-5yo DS-4yo
M-5yrs DDay-5\26\05
Click here to read my story.
"Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy." - Leo Buscaglia
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 490
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 490 |
I have a five year old as well. I agree with Chris. They won't understand the details and they will be upset but you have to be honest with them. If you don't know you have to tell them that. Don't lie to protect your WW.
My little guy really missed his Mom at the start and I hated having to deal with it. What I tried to do was just validate his feelings without trying to "fix" things. Like promising things I wasn't sure I could deliver - like Mommy coming back. Its hard but sometimes things are out of your control and you just have to be there to support them and roll with the punches.
Miker
I was the BS - 36
She was the WS - 36, PA with MM
DS8, DD13, DD15 - All living with Dad
DDay 05/04, Divorced 08/05
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