LostintheCity, you receive excellent advice & support from Whisper. Please know that there is hope for your situation and that things can turn around for you! Don't give up! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Since you find the implementation of plan A difficult, I please want you to read the following threads on Plan A (just click on the links) – you will find it very helpful:

Plan A tips and musings
Ark’s plan A announcement

The above two threads is specifically about plan A in general.

This thread: Plan A versus Policy of Radical Honesty was posted by a BS to seek help and advice about specific circumstances, but you will get great information & understanding about plan A on that thread as well.

Also read the following threads:

WAT's Quick Start Guidelines for Betrayed Spouses
Bob's Newly Betrayed Spouse MB Toolkit

The above threads are FULL of helpful information, advice and wisdom. Study an read as much as you can.

Prayers & blessings to you,
Suzet

Thank you both so much!

I have read all the stuff and yes it helps. I think my problem is I don't know what I am fighting. My husband still says there is no one els, even though I found an email from OW. All it said was...Happy Fathers Day...thinking of you. Now I know that's not concrete evidence of A, but it is definitely something!!!! I want to send her an email telling her that he is married with 3 children. I think she might know about the kids, but since he doesn't wear a wedding ring she must think or he has told her he is separated/divorced. Is an email to her a good idea?

If I knew for sure that he is doing all this because of one specific person, then I might be able to combate it easier, but my husband just wants freedom!! Freedom to do what feels right whenever and with whomever he wants. He loves the attention he gets from everyone. It must make him feel good for everyone to think he is so wonderful. But how long can this last?? Won't he ever get tired of sleeping wherever and not having a home?? I am still shocked that he can just walk away from a 20 year marriage and 3 kids. Soulmates??? What is that? What I thought we were, but guess not.

Today is a new day and Plan A starts fresh. With the support of the people here I will do my very best to do a good Plan A.

Please continue to check in with me. I am not a strong person so I need the support I get here. Thanks again!

"Is an email to her a good idea?"

>As I mentioned before ... ABSOLUTELY!!!!! Play to her sympathy if need be. Let her know how his kids misses him and how they don't understand why their dad is not in his seat at dinner time. Since we're not sure whether she knows he's married already nor what type of person she is, I wouldn't mention your feelings in this, as she may take it as competition.

"But how long can this last?? Won't he ever get tired of sleeping wherever and not having a home?? I am still shocked that he can just walk away from a 20 year marriage and 3 kids. Soulmates??? What is that? What I thought we were, but guess not."

>I know all of this is still fresh and so very upsetting, but you've got to get a hold of yourself and accept that this is reality. The quicker you can come to terms with this, the better you will be to "combat it" as you say. Nobody said it will be easy. In fact, it will be very hard, but as my H will say - nothing good comes easy. I've come to realize that there is no such thing as soulmates. I happen to believe that there are many people that we actually can marry and live happily with for the rest of our lives. Te question is what are we willing to do to make that happen?

"Today is a new day and Plan A starts fresh. With the support of the people here I will do my very best to do a good Plan A."

>That's the right attitude!!! Yes, you can do it. And, yes, we will be here for you. Keep your chin up. Today is a new day!

LostintheCity,

I agree with Whisper on the e-mail. You must make sure that she knows he is married man (in case she doesn’t know it yet).

Your shock is totally understandable. The shock to be married to a person for 20 years and then suddenly that person become a total stranger…and then that person start to say and do things you never thought was possible… I can just imagine the hurt and disappointment. Unfortunately, A’s is the one thing that can turn decent, normal and ‘good’ people into TOTAL strangers…almost like ‘aliens’ who act totally out of character. The following thread will give you good insight and understanding into this. It's an excellent thread:

How the wayward get wayward, and why they sound so dumb...

The good news is that things can turn around and usually when WS's become Former and/or Recovered WS's, they feel shocked with themselves as well and can't believe they behaved the way they did. There is hope! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Blessings,
Suzet