you can agree or disagree but it worked up until i forgot it. let me know what you think. before i married my husband and before we even dated i took a year off the dating scene. during this year i learned that i did not nee a man to complete me. i was already complete within myself. i loved who and what i was. and knew that i was my own best friend. if i choose to allow a man in my life i would not be depended on him to make me happy i could do it on my own. because of this lesson i learned that i could better meet my parteners needs. because to instill happiness in another you must first love yourself. the break down in my marriage occured when i lost this lesson. i let someone shake the faith in myself and created a downward spiral that i am caught up in now. i rediscovered the lesson 3 days ago and have been applying it. it goes a long way in completeing plan a. if you recognise the role you played in the creation of an affair you are better able to deal with the situation. i had to face reality that i held some responsibility for his affair. i'm not blaming myself but i understand the reason it happened and what caused the slid down hill for us. what my husband did was wrong and i take no responsibility for his actions but now i understand why. the concept is self love. you have to be able to love yourself before you can meet someone elses emotional needs.and the greatest gift that you can give anyone in your life is to love your self. and that is what i am doing. by doing this i am able to bypass the pain and sorrow and concentrate on plan a. it helps with focus nad the fears that come with being rejected it also allows you to realise that you don't need your mate to survive. you must be happy with yourself before you can make someone else happy. the concept is really paying off and i forsee a future with my spouse. we have moved from bickering and fighting to talking calmly and being able to touch one another. in a few short dats i have progressed to hugging him and telling him i love him every chance i get. before i remembered this lesson fear overwelmed me. i was so afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing and making the mess worse. but things are falling into place and i can assure you my marriage will be a happy one after this mess. and i will never again forget this lesson i learned a long time ago and forgot. any questions or comments please post them and i will read them thank you all <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

well as you can see i posted this message early this morning i was so excited and could not sleep so i wrote the post. i am happy and i smile freely and i even laugh. tonight after the kids have gone to bed i am going to explain this concept that we both have forgotten. i love him very much and am no longer afraid of loosing him. i have let go of the fear and hurt and anger so that i can better comunicate with him. i can be honest with him and freely exprees my love for him. i know that some will think i am in denile or gone off my rocker but trust me i haven't. i full well comprehend the situation. and i am no longer putting my head in the sand and wandering around saying what do i do. i have the answers they were here al along.

joanna -

Well, you have figured out how to get through Plan A. It will also help you in Plan B. The key is taking care of yourself, and knowing that you will have a great life with or without your husband.

Your plan worked for me, but in a different way. I realized my life was much happier WITHOUT him.

Good luck, and keep us informed on how things are going.

i am so glad for you. I to started taking care of me. Plan A really helped putting me first. I am a better person than I was.