Post deleted by GoodGirl

Yep.
... and don't believe everything he tells you either.
Ask his wife if she minds if you sleep with her H.

-AD

Also, are you positive he's not still sleeping with his wife as well? After all, they are still married.

First, lets call this what it is, you and your boyfriend are both having affairs on your spouses..... As to what affect that has on his wife, who knows.

There are some great articles on rebound relationships out there, as a matter of fact, I think one was referenced in the "after divorce" section of this site. It would be worth it to seek that out and educate yourself. Bottom line is that neither you (a married woman) or your boyfriend (a married man) are doing the best thing for yourselves by having this relationship. Do your research and you'll find that it is HIGHLY and COnSTANTLY recommended that you wait for a while after your divorce to go through the grieving process, heal, and recover before beginning to date. If you substitute SEX and a relationship for the grieving process and health, in the end, you'll be sent back to start without collecting the $200.....

Welcome...no one likes having to be here, but it's the best place to be if you are experiencing the evil of infidelity.

With regard to your question...were you married during the time you had SF with this man?

Was he still married during that time? Do you even KNOW if he is REALLY divorcing his W? She may be doing the VERY same things you were doing to save your M, but he is unreceptive to her because he has an OW...you.

Married people, regardless of the state of their marriage, are cheating if they find SF with someone else.

I am in a similar situation...I won't be D'ed until Nov/Dec, but I will NOT indulge in SF until I am D'ed. Being a former WS, it's important to be clear in my MORAL boundaries

Yes, IMHO, you cheated...are you as bad as your WH...probably not, but you KNOW you are finding SF outside of your marriage and that isn't right.

For your OWN moral clarity, I would recommend stopping ALL SF until you are single. I suspect that, if your withdraw SF from your "friend" he won't be around much longer...that should tell you soemthing.

That being said, you are in an emotioanlly vulnerable time and, I suspect, you are being taken advantage of by this guy.

Take some time and HEAL from what your STBXH has done to you...no need to rush off and get attached to the first "man" who sweet talks you.

Hope this helps...

Hope no feelings are hurt...just calling this as I see it...

Post deleted by GoodGirl

I don't think you became a cheat simply because it was a set of unusual circumstances that drove you to "sleep" with this other man. I think you should be very careful about doing it again, though. You are probably not in the best mental state to make a decision that could easily cause you more pain. If you really want to "be" with him again wait until both divorces are final. Continuing to be intimate with him will only make both of your lives more confusing and probably more painful as well. From a purely selfish perspective, this isn't the best decision for you, let alone him or his, still-current, wife.

Thanks for listening

I don't know where you live, but check in and see if they have a "Divorce Care" class somewhere, it's usually offered through a church. Get and rely upon a group of female friends instead of men.

I'm very suprised to hear you in one breathe profess Godliness and in the next say that while you were married, you had sex with another man who was married, and it didn't feel wrong.

Is it in your character to sleep with your friends with no strings attached? Is that going to be a trend in your future? If yes, power to you. If no, then look at why it happened.

As far as forgiveness, I personally don't think you need to seek any person on this earth out for forgiveness. I think you may want to seek forgiveness through prayer for yourself. And for your own well being, it may be best to cut off all ties with married men whom you might have sex with.

I'm with killerjoe on this one.

I don't think you cheated. To me, a marriage where the couples are separated and imminently divorcing, not living together, not being intimate with each other, etc. is a marriage in name only.

But, for your own well-being, you should try to examine your actions objectively and determine if what you're doing is the best thing for you.

Simple answers to your question here, goodgirl, if you are a Christian. Here we go...

The ONLY person that God allows you to sleep with (SF) is your husband. Period. If you are married, or the other person is married, then you are engaged in adultery. It does not matter where you put your head down at night, or if paperwork is filed. You are as guilty as if you had brought him into your home and were sneaking behind your husband's back. God is VERY clear about this.

Now, once you are divorced, or you/other man have never been married, then the sex is a different sin...fornication. So, you are equally guilty because God does not see adultery as greater than fornication. Both are just as bad.

God has provided sex for one venue...between a husband and a wife. I am as guilty of the fornication aspect as anyone, in my earlier days. If I were to divorce though, I would not cross that line until I was married again. Why? Because that would be sin...equal to the sin of adultery that my wife committed.

We all want to put values to sin. One is greater than another. Oh, my marriage was over so it didnt matter (that's what my wife said...although no one else knew it was over).

If you truly want to follow God, you will repent from your adultery...and you will abstain from SF until you are with your husband. Either this one...or if divorced, then from a man you marry later on.

I hear a lot of people on here that end up divorced talking about what they will do once they are divorced. That they didnt want to commit adultery, so they will wait until divorced to hit the hay again with someone. But guess what? To God it matters not if you are divorced or not. If you sleep with someone who is not your spouse, you are either guilty of adultery or fornication. And in God's eyes, they are the same. With the same penalty.

Sorry to rain on anyone's parade. believe me, it took me a long time to get this in my life. But if I want the best from God and the best for me, I had better listen...and not try to make the rules up as I go along.

In His arms.

Why does religion have to weigh so heavily on this topic, hell, on most topics? Isn't there any area of life that is separate from religion? Just because you believe in the big man doesn't mean that you are going to be saved if you pray more or whatever. YOU HAVE TO SAVE YOURSELF.
If there really is a god, do you think he/she/it really gives a damn about ANYONE'S affair?
This is in response to Mortarman.

To GoodGirl: Don't feel guilty. You didn't do anything wrong, so don't beat yourself up. Stay positive and take care of yourself.

Thanks for listening. I hope that helps.

I have to completely disagree with some of you on this.

First, consider your audience here: This is the MarriageBUILDERS website, not the make the WS feel better about themselves website. There is one for that and if GoodGirl needs that she can go find it, I believe it's been mentioned elsewhere on these boards.

Second, there are many people on this website that feel that the marriage is not over until the ink is dry on the paperwork. Right now, I am one of those people fighting to save my marriage and I'm disappointed to read this from you guys.

Third, both of these people are legally married. This was a willing act of adultery and therefore "cheating".

We tell and are told here not to believe what your WS or the OP is saying about their respective relationships because the nature of an affair is secrecy and LIES.

IMO, GoodGirl, yes, I'm sorry if this is hurtful to hear, but this was an affair.

Post deleted by GoodGirl

I'm sorry, I agree with Mortarman. Sex with someone other than your spouse is cheating....bottom line. It doesn't make it better or different because you're planning on divorcing, or because you're separated. Sin is pretty black and white.

My husband also didn't think he'd done anything wrong by having his A.....after all they didn't have sex until we were separated. Well guess what, I was still keeping the home fires burning and trying like heck to fix the relationship......and no matter what he was doing, we were still married, and I was still going to do the right thing.

-Caren

Excellent post Almosthome!

Amen to that! I agree wholeheartedly, one comes here for opinions and gets judgement and condemnation. We are ALL flawed and imperfect, and should not be chatised for asking for help or opinions. At least, if to be chatised, in a loving Christ-like and non-bitter way.

I agree with Mortarman here too.

I also think that it wouldn't be a bad idea to tell the friend's W and your H just the way you suggested you could.

I see no harm to come from that..only good, in that you will admit that what you did was wrong because you are still married. Hey, maybe your H never thought of you being with someone else and this could change things for you.

Do you and your H have children together?

Post deleted by GoodGirl

You are a good person, Goodgirl, and I admire your character. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />