I have been trying to think of why I get so angry each time I speak to that man...I am fine until I hear his voice...it's the same thing every time...

- why cant we just work this out?
- you know this is all your fault!
- you didn't do anything to save this marriage
(this one is new...this is something he has started saying recently)
- you make it so easy for me to go to her
- why cant we just stay married?
- this is all YOUR fault
- I should have never married yuo
- if only you had not bought that dress (the wedding dress)
- why do we have to get divorced? We CAN work this out!

- OK, what if there wasn't the issue with OW, then could we stay married?
- OK, yea, I went to the NH, but I NEVER talked to the OW...(no, he only rounded with her each time...and as a result of NOT talking to her, he is back with her)
- I'm looking at houses...for YOU and ME
- This is all your fault
- You drove me to her
- is it REALLY over?
- are you sure you want a divorce

This is all stuff that was said this past sunday when he broke into the house...but this is also stuff he says everytime I talk to him...

The thing that gtes me the most is him asking me every single time if it is really over? and if we HAVE to get a divorce? and WHY cant we just work this out? and that I NEVER tried to save the marriage <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

and now it is all my fault??? This is all my fault? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

soooo, there are times I MUST talk to the SOB...I want so badly to handle this like adults...but HE WONT...I have accepted the divorce...he has not...why cant he just accept his new life? I mean why does he not want to live his new life now? I am so confused by this man...

still...

we are doing so well...me and da boys...we do something everyday with friends or just us...they are being so well behaved lately...such a joy to be around..sometimes <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

We are doing so much better without that alien here with all the chaos...I am so happy with my new life... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

This is why Plan B is sooooooooo good. Try it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

Hey, check out BrambleRose's post somewhere on Page 1 or 2 addressed to "LemonMan". k? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Whaddaya think about it?

hugs,
Faith1

He ruined the M - say to him No you ruined the M and need to take responsiblity for YOUR actions. Not me. Mine actually looked right at me and said I forgive you. HUH??? Who is the BS here. I still shake at that one.

When you list the things he says he sounds so schitzo. Wow.
Has he been seeing an IC? He needs to sort out his mind into some sort of logical order...so he can try and be more pragmatic as he assesses what course of action he needs to take on his own whether or not there is any hope of reconciliation with you.

#1...end all relationship with OW. Work out a way to have visitation with baby without OW..etc. etc.. etc.

He should know all of this if he ever read your plan B or PP letter. You did give him one didn't you? Or did you give up on that point and go directly to plan D after the last fiasco with contact and NH?

I am glad you and the boys are doing better. The less of these contacts with unstable WS the better for you and the boys.

There is no hope for reconciliation...I have NO DESIRE to reconcile with him..I am really happy without him...moreso than I was with him...

I went into Plan B Jan 2 until around mid march...I am technically in a Plan B now...only I have NO DESIRE whatsoever to reconcile...I have not given him any letter as to what to do in order to reconcile..this was given in Jan...but NOW, there is NOTHING to reconcile..the only letters he is getting are from my lawyer...

My therapist has said NOT to talk to him, only thru fax or email or mail...He hasn't called since Sunday and I dont ever call him...

The ONLY thing I would need to talk to him about is the kids...

realtor, I do say that to him, but it just bounces off and comes back at me...well, if I had done this or that, he wouldn't have had to have an affair...OOOOHHHH< OK!

He is supposed to be going to IC, but he cancels his appt half the time as far as I know...I dont know...we are seeing the same counselor...I dont talk about him to the counselor though...that is HIS deal....not MINE...he is also annoyed that I am even seeing a counselor...

I love Plan B...but there are times when I have to talk to him...I dont consider myself in Plan B at this time...i just dont talk to him...

The thing with Plan B, for most people is that they go into WANTING to get the WS back...I dont want him back...I just figure this is my life now, I have accepted it...i want to just move on and co parent the kids...but why does he have to make it so difficult...He is very angry at ME...WHY? what did I DO??? I wont put up with him? I wont reconcile? I didnt' try hard enough to save this marriage?

Tell me MB friends...do you know of any other BS that tried harder than I have? I know many have tried so hard...but did I really NOT TRY? come on...This man is more deranged NOW than he was a year ago...

This weekend he even went so far as to say to me that I only married him for the money...for the nice house...for the this...

ummm, well too bad he never got rich while we were married...i sure did wait a looooong time...

I always told him i didn't care if he made $10,000 a year, that I just wanted us to be happy and have a family!

3 years ago when my best friends 3 y/o son died...I remember at the funeral when Ed was hugging my friend he said to her..."I respect you as much as I respect my OWN WIFE...I hold you up at the top of the list just as I do her"...

Well, I guess I am not at the top of the list anymore!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

My FWH tried to convince me I drove him to chatting online with other women because I dn't give him enough sex. I then said, how could that be because at this time in our M we were have SF more often than ever (2 to 3x/week) and would have it more often but he said no...

I think the guilt is SOoooo thick the only way to get out from under it is to convince you it is mostly your fault.

Come on Moving, you know the answers to all of your questions. He is so mad at you because all of your growing resolve and strength has come at a heavy price to him......his weakening ability to manipulate and control you.

I do not think in all honesty that Ed ever truly believed that you would have the guts and determination to divorce him. He probably still doesn't, hence his still talking about working this out, in the face of his despicable continued actions. NOW ask yourself..do you really blame him? You gave him a thousand and one chances and each time he gave you a thousand and one excuses. You have uknowingly enabled and supported this behavior. Now that you are not doing this any longer, he is angry as hell and striking back at you becasue this is all he can do now. He is still getting some reactions out of you with his B$, so that is why you need to do a PLAN B.

I believe that a plan B should NOT be looked at as a means to getting a WS back, but more of a means to get the "BS" back. Now, you are going to have to live with Ed and work with him for the rest of your life for the sake of your three children, so while you "rebuild" yourself and "recover" yourslef, go to a pLan B, so as to NOT worsen the relationship any longer. This has LONG stopped being about marriage building. If Ed really wanted this marriage and family, he KNOWS damn well what he would have to do to make that happen...and he has told you by his actions a million times over what his decision is on this.

Let go of all of the anger, and hurt, and B$ about the OW/OC. Stop playing any role in this madness and dysfunction. Let Ed be Ed, and you be you. YOu are a winner, a survivor...so start acting like it.

Cheers,

LM <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

So, I just spoke with my lawyer TODAY! We have been playing phone tag all week!

And just as suspected, you cannot accuse someone breaking into their own house...soooo, in that area I am stuck!

He said that his lawyer is being an a$$ as well! not cooperating etc...I also told him about the fact that when he sees the kids, he sees them for an hour here and hour there...he said, that wont do him any good now will it...I questioned the fact taht Ed doesn't even know what meds his kids are own...lawyer said "he doesn't really need to know that if he is only seeing his kids for an hour a week!

He said I am doing fine...he said just dont stoop to his level..I told him that I am trying to be civil and act like an adult but that he is making this whole process so difficult! He said not to worry about anything...his day will ome in court...

I cant say I feel any better after talking to him, but at least he knows now...

I am going to buy a new dog door, have a friend install it and bill Ed for it, since he is the one who broke it when he broke in on Sunday! jerk!

You are a perfect example of "why" EVERYONE should at least give an honest attempt and "Try" to reconcile.

By truly giving your all, you've done yourself the biggest favor you could!

Your M is apparently Over, yet you are pretty much "at peace" with that reality.

Your not vengeful, spiteful and bitter.
You simply want it to be Over.

Not saying you still don't have some anger and issues because of it all, ONLY that your Not actively "consumed" by these emotions.

However, if you hadn't of really Tried your best, then you'd most likely BE all of those things.

So good for you that you tried ......and In the Process saved YOURSELF! (Cause that should be everyone's main GOAL, regardless of whether the Marriage itself survives or NOT).

So Glad your in a better place (within yourself).

Excellent, Top Rope. Just excellent.

~ Snow