My H has a history of cheating, unfortunately. He left his hs sweetheart for an older woman, within 6 weeks of their honeymoon, he was cheating on her. That was a long time affair but there were "bump buddies" that he would see from time to time.

So that marriage ended when the W found out about a long term affair. Then he was alone for a long time and here I came.

I didn't know all this when I married him, or I'd probably have run the other direction.

I found out about his history when I suspected he was having an affair with a co-worker, and we ended up going to counseling. A YEAR after counseling was over, he confessed to the liasons in his first relationships but insists that he did not have an affair while with me.

Except now I think it is happening again. He took a new job a year ago, and his boss, again, a woman (all of his affairs were with women who were supervisory to him.) and this time the woman has a reputation for being a bit of a wh0r3.

Well, not a bit, a LOT. APparently sex is just about all she does and with anyone she can do it with at any time.

I sense a subtle shift in our relationship, one that makes me uneasy, and he of course is unwilling to talk about it, insists on his innocence and that he's learned his lesson and he would die before he did anything like that to me.

Yes, he's home at the same time every night and after that we are always together. But yes, the other affairs included only sex-while-at-work and not after hours or on trips, so being home on time is no indicator.

But he was a heavy drinker before and now he is not, and 10 years have gone by since his last confessed affair. I have caught him in a couple of fibs, ok lies, about calls to/from his boss but he says that is only because I get upset and they are perfectly innocent.

Am I being an idiot? How do I tell, without actually catching him in the act?

Am I just being a fraidy cat? Can a leopard really change his spots?

HELP!

Hi, welcome to marriagebuilders. How long have you been married - has it been 10 years?

Are there any other signs of an affair? Does he treat you coldly? Has SF declined?

It is hard to tell what is going on without more information.

Hi, thanks for the welcome, I've tried to browse around but I've been too busy to really focus. I think there is alot of good things here!

We've been married 7 seven years, dated a year before that. There were 2 years since his last marriage before he met me, where he really didn't see anyone, and stopped drinking.

He doesn't treat me coldly, he is very loving like always. But according to family, now that I know, I've talked to his sister, his other wife had no clue either, no one did. In fact, she (sis) thought they were madly in love, I suppose he *was* very happy, he was getting what he wanted, everwhere he went! The wife found out when he left his briefcase at home and his beeper went off with a sexually explicit message. Inside the briefase were photos, so he was busted, that is how she found out. THey tried counseling but he kept doing his thing and she eventually tossed him out.

As for us...our sex life is about the same, maybe a little less, but not by much if at all, it is hard to tell if I am imagining it at all. there doesn't seem to be anything that stands out at me at all, just that on his cell phone bill he calls and texts back and forth with his boss, they all do, but now he's started clearing all his numbers from the day, used to all of the numbers and messages were always there. He says it's just because its easier to see if he missed a call.

And once he was talking to someone in an animated kind of way in the yard and he said it was a co-worker. But he told a mutual friend it was his boss, he just didn't want to ge in trouble for talking to his boss off-hours.

Just that, that is all I have. Otherwise, things are hunky dorey.

I can't really say, there is nothing I can put my finger on. Just seems like something has changed...

I dont know if this is the right place for me, there are so many people here who are so caught up in their own problems, I don't see how they can be of help to me. I really am upset by some of the responses I see in these posts. Bitter, angry people. I was not brought up that way. If someone commits a crime or sin against you, it is not ok to keep that sin going by treating that person badly. I may have to rethink my presence here.

DM-

What prompted that last post? I'm curious, as most of the people here are pretty much willing to help out where they can.

You're concerned that your H may be having an A with his boss...and you came here looking for support, yes? IMHO, this is a good place for it.

From what I've learned and been through myself, what you'll most likely need in order to get any kind of forward motion on this is proof that he IS doing something...because he'll likely deny it unless you HAVE that proof...just like the photos you mention earlier. What steps have you considered along those lines?

bump

ummmmm....yes, you could be. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Daisy Mae,

Do not allow the actions of a few who obviously have nothing better to do, to take away from what others have to offer.
Their are those who can offer you sound advise on this board, or search previous simular situations for assistance.