Good evening everyone!!

Rollercoaster day again.....WH had private counseling today. My stomach was in knots the whole time that I knew he was in session(I think I spent a whole hour at work in prayer) Hope my boss didn't notice.

Didn't hear from him afterwards, so I was getting nervous. Then at dinner he said that the counselor would like to see me privately the next planned couple session(on Friday). I said why is that? WH said, "I don't know, she requested it."

Later I told him that I didn't have any secrets & that I could say whatever I needed to say in front of him. I don't know why, but I took the counselor's request as a negative. Like I was in trouble or WH was saying bad things about me.

I had hoped for just some good news today(LIKE MIRACLE OF ALL MIRACLES, WH SAW THE LIGHT & IS BEGGING FOR FORIGVENESS) I knew that wouldn't happen, but I can't deny that it was in the back of my mind.

When we got home from eating out, I felt myself slipping into that funky mode. Tearing up, etc. I yelled at my DS, his whining got on my last nerve. He didn't deserve that.

I excused myself to the bathroom to try to compose. I told myself that no matter what happens with my marriage, I am going to be o.k. If it doesn't work out, it is God's will. There is someone else out there who is meant to be with me and will honor me the way I should be. And be there for me and DS. I pepped myself up & came out of the bathroom a revved up gal. LIFE IS TOO SHORT!

Scooted upstairs to my DS's room & put him in my lap. We listened to some of his music & he played his little piano. I sang as loud as I could & just had fun. I haven't done that with him in a while & it was so nice. A little later, WH came in the room to see what was going on and we had a few nice moments of family time.

I also got out DS's scrapbook that I have not finished & have made that my new project. WH & I looked through what I done so far and it was nice to see pictures from years back.

Later, I noticed that WH had MB's site up on the computer. It appears that he had been looking at it sometime today. He followed the link that I had given him for the Wayward Spouse survival kit. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> He had gotten through a fair amount of information.

I am going to try to give him some space & not bring up OW for a day or so. I just want to be my old self again and enjoy my period of semi-happiness.

Just wanted to share! I so appreciate being to just blab! I don't talk about myself very much & it is weird for me to be doing it so much right now to you guys.

Thanks again to everyone for supporting me and setting me straight so far!!

Kimberly,
D-day May 14th
DS, 5

Kim, any updates on exposing to the OWH? I wouldn't put that off any longer.

Also, please be prepared for the fact that most marriage counselors are not pro-marriage and DO NOT understand infidelity. It is very common for MC's to advise their clients to seperate or just "move on." They don't know how to get through infidelity, so just be cautious, ok?

K,

Melody is right in that many MC are not pro-M, but I would not necessarily see it as a negative that the MC wants to see you alone. Go. My MC did this. He WAS pro-M. He didn't end up helping us all as much as I thought he should have, but the purpose of wanting to see you alone is (I think) to validate the stuff WH is saying, to get your perspective, to hear the 'other side of the story'. You also want to know, for sure, for yourself, that this MC is, in fact, pro-M. If not, stop it immediately, and go with Steve Harley.

I remember praying non-stop while my H was at the MC without me. What a horrible time.

Blesings.

Kim, Healing is exactly right. Go there and see what they say, but do not agree to any seperation, divorce, etc. Don't agree to anything short of saving your marriage. Your marriage is salvagable and you have not even BEGUN using the many tools available to save it. So, DO NOT let anyone convince you it is over and to just "accept it." I hope I am wrong, though, and this MC is pro-marriage and has a plan to save your marriage.

ML,

I still have not gotten a phone number. I might have to be a hand-delivered letter on Saturday morning while OW is gone. Will really have to get my nerve for an "in person."

So, do you think it's a bad sign the MC wants to see just me? I might call her before hand to get a feel for things. Now I am even more nervous. I will keep my guard up. At our last counseling session she did go into discovering which EN it was that WH was missing from me. She asked WH if he would rather that I be filling that need & he said yes.

Kim

Wow. My thoughts exactly.

Bad things from the MC (and this was from a "Pro-M" MC):

My MC, when I asked for NC (and to think I didn't even have MB yet!), said, "Bad idea. H is in a 'bad place', and NC is too much to ask for."

When I expressed that continued C was causing me anxiety, MC advised me to seek a prescription for Valium. Duh!

Be cautious. It's OK to ask if they are familiar with MB concepts.

I will go, but if The D word or Sep. is brought up I will not go back. That is good advice thanks to you both.

This will be my second private counseling session.

Wasn't it a good sign though that WH was on this site??? I don't know if it was before or after the counseling. Now I want to ask WH what they talked about.......

Healing, did you counsel with the Harley's??

Kim

Kim,

No, I do not think it's a bad idea that the MC wnts to see you alone, but I do think you need to be firm & direct with her. You are there to save your M, nothing else. If she can't help you do that, she should tell you before you waste hundreds of dollars that would be better spent on MC with the Harleys.

Be up front with her about that. Do not be uncomfortable about talking like that.

As a health care provider myself, I am very comfortable discussing financial issues with patients. If she is really professional and reputable, she will not get defensive or bothered by that.

Good luck.

K,

I did not counsel with Harleys. I wish we had. As I said, H & I went to a MC who was supposedly 'Pro M', but was unfamiliar with MB concepts. BTW, so was I, unfortunately.

So, we went to MC, both individually, and together, for about 8 sessions - at $150 per session.

I have already told you the non-therapeutic things the MC said to me.

He (and we picked a male so my H wouldn't feel 'ganged-up upon') believed in a 'non-directional' approach, which meant there was no urgency placed on NC, which was ridiculous.

I do think it's vrey encouraging your H is reading th MB site. Really good!

I think I will call her tomorrow maybe just to ask her if she is familiar with MB & ask her if she is Pro-M.

WH chose our MC. Not with too much thought put into it though. Will see how it goes.....

Blessings to you!

Kim

Kim, I bet every MC believes they are "pro-marriage," but they persist in giving advice that is anti-marriage. I wouldn't expect a counselor to confess they are anything but pro-marriage, so don't expect to get a clear answer from that question.