It's been 4 months since I found out about H A. He says he has had no contact (and I cannot find any evidence to the contrary) with OW. He says he loves me, He is where he wants to be (with me), and has no desire to have any contact with OW. He is very sorry for the A and is a very attentive man now. The problem? How do I go about getting the thoughts of the OW and H together out of my mind? Most days I do pretty well, keeping busy and we're doing work on our house. But there are times it just pops in there, then I go into a pretty deep funk and having trouble believing all this happened. We've been married 30 years and I still can't believe this could happen to me! The thing that concerns me is the number of times I have this "I don't care" attitude. We completed the Emotional Needs questionnaire and he's working on meeting mine, but I really don't care if I meet his. What does this mean? Much of the time I just get angry and think "Why should I care about meeting your needs when you did this horrible thing to me? The one thing that bothers me most is he knew that if I found out about A that there would be a chance I would leave him - and yet he was willing to take that chance! How do you get over knowing this? How can you believe a WS when they're willing to risk their M over an A?
I know he's doing all he can do, I'm just having trouble letting any of it go. I'm truly a different person than I was 4 mos. ago and maybe that's why I'm going through this. I don't feel so dependent now, but I don't want my anger (and bitterness maybe?) to influence my judgment. Any help dealing with this would be appreciated. I'm sure these are probably normal feelings other BS have gone through (perhaps this is the anger phase?)- and it's comforting to know you're out there like a good friend who lends a shoulder to cry on. Thanks for listening.
