Wow…I know a lot of you are going to think I am stupid to even be sitting here posting this.
I basically need help with reverse babble or trust/honesty/nc conversations...

WH called me early last week…I nailed him about the divorce papers. We got together on (I think) Tuesday or Wednesday and he signed the papers, while balling his eyes out begging for ‘another chance’. Some of his comments were….
à You said for better or worse, this is worse, please just be patient with me.
à I am just starting to turn my life around, please……please….
à My relationship is ‘basically’ over. There is ‘nothing there’
à I love you and the kids, I wish I could make it all right..
à ‘So basically I am wasting my time sitting here with you because you won’t even consider working on our family?’

Basically I acted kind of cold but not ‘jerkish’

Then he decided he would call the kids and me at least daily.
Asked if he could see the kids for Fathers Day..
So, the kids and I go there (his parents house) on Saturday night until Sunday day.
Sunday 6:15 his father answered a call from the ER at the local hospital. It was a security officer calling for my WH. WH gets off the couch and answers the phone. It was OW. In short, she was in the ER having a psych evaluation because the police found her passed out on the side of the road with her 3 children (11, 13 and 3) on the side of the road. She had taken them on a ‘drinking binge’ (quoted by the paper, which has a horrid story in it.) She had them in the car parked while she went out drinking. Then pulled over on the way home, passed out, and got stopped and questioned. DHS has had her children ever since, which in my opinion is good. So, OF COURSE, WH feels bad for her, and listens to her story. THEN he gets mad at her, calls the police on her for calling him. She gets arrested and bails herself out. WTF?
So at about 9am the drama is over, kids have a ball with Dad…
He begged for me to give him a chance to prove himself, he is done with the OW, etc. He wants our family, he is sorry, he will do whatever it takes…
He really showed me he meant it….
UNTIL yesterday night.
………
My problem.
Yep, he called her, and talked for a WHILE…
She told him her ‘woes’, all of her court dates…etc.
He SUPPOSIDLY told her that he was just a listening ear and he would be there to listen to her, because he felt bad because he brought her to Maine. WAHHHHHH!!!!
Then he told her that when he could afford it, he would help her financially.
I paused when he was telling me this..
He knew I was mad. He said ‘that is the extent of it Danielle’
HOW DO I EXPLAIN THIS ISN’T OKAY?
‘she has noone’ ‘I brought her here’ ‘she is really f’ed right now and needs someone to listen’ ‘I love you Danielle, understand that’
ERR….


Danielle
P.S. I will post on my real user name later, I am at school and forgot my Danigirlinva password.

He talked to her in the morning
He talked to her that night
He told her he would be a listening ear
He told her he would help her financially

He is telling you what he means by these actions. Pay attention to them.

Susan

What's your point?

Dani - you are getting a divorce. It doesn't matter what he does.

This whole drama HAS to go down in the Marriage Builders annals...no question about it... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I basically need help with reverse babble or trust/honesty/nc conversations...

No...you need help....period. Why you would want to stay with a man like that needs to be explored.

Why you are continuing to be a part of that colossal "trashy" drama is beyond me.

Do you know how trashy and low class this sordid mess is?

Why do you want your children to be a part of it?

Why do YOU want to be a part of it?

Gawd...forget MB....you aren't looking to build a marriage. You are looking to live a lifestyle that has the word
TRASHY written all over it.

There has to be some help out there for you....have you checked into IC?

committed

Dani,

Please, please get rid of him.

If you do you will have about a week of intense pain as opposed to a lifetime of pain.

Get a retraining order in advance and then get the hell away from him, please.

He's nuts Dani.

Is it the tears that got you? The pleading? The begging?

Would any of these worked on him?

Nothing has changed. He's chest deep in the middle of it, still, with no end in sight.

Nothing has changed. Proceed on course.

Please take care of yourself - Dru

Yes, I am in IC...
My couselor has been trying to help me see that there is hope in this marriage, and I need to put 100% into it and show him that there is hope, and he can meet me half way.
I am just at that....well...unsure place.

Danielle

good luck

Are you kidding me? Has this same counsellor been around for the entire drama? I can't say that I've read each one of your posts, but I have kept up with your story, and this is insane!!

Flame me if you want, but I don't believe that he will change - you have not given him any reason to. You keep taking him back when he says he will change, yet his actions are screaming a different story.

Are you kidding?

Your counselor is saying that there is hope for the marriage if YOU give 100% and show him that YOU have hope??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

My goodness....this makes me wonder if your counselor is privy to all the stuff that you are posting. It's hard to imagine that they would think that YOU are the one that needs to fix this.

Wow...just ...WOW. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

committed

This is HOF Marriage Building forum material.

Dani, you are getting these incredulous comments because your coming here and posting this "stuff" after the countless time and energy the good people of this board have bestowed upon you is downright insulting.

Like I have told you before....you 100% deserve everything that comes to you in this life. You "want it"....you are "gonna get it".

As Pep said..."good luck".

LM <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Dani, dont worry about your H anymnore! Get a new counselor for God Sakes. Do not listen to your H Dani! Please, you have got to wake up and move on! This man is lethal...

Dani-

Hang on for my unpopular opinion............these people want the best for you, and I understand that your situation has been really screwy. They care about you and want the best for you.......this I understand.

That being said, I suppose you feel in a position of defending yourself/your feelings. You shouldn't have to, you feel how you feel, and if you're not done with him no amount of anyone telling you should be is going to help.

Please don't let people getting upset that you're not able to do it their way deter you from posting. I think that anytime you need support, that it's post-worthy. I know there have been a few times I felt like I shouldn't even post anymore, but I continue, because I have no one else to talk to about any of this.

In short, just wanted to tell you.....I'm listening.

-Caren

Caren:

You missed the point entirely. This isn't about being unsympathetic to Dani or not giving her "support"...this is about NOT giving her support for something that is harmful, evil, corruptive....to her and her children. Giving support to her to stay with this despicable human being (alien or not ) should be a punishable offense. Yeah, I know this is just my opinion and I am sure there is someone out there who can spin this as saving a fogged out man and supporting "vows"...yada yada yada. Let that person speak now or forever hold their peace.

She is a big girl and can and should make her own decisions and LIVE with the consequences of them. However by no means should any others see her "looking for support" and interpret that she is "marriage building" or "saving" her marriage or looking to "recover". She is lookng plain and simply to continue this codependent dysfyunction because this is the ONLY way she knows how to function. If we can help STOP the "rinse" and "repeat" cycle of this incredible insanity, well then, we owe to her to do that.

AM I harsh?.......yeah probably, so what? The greater good is more important here. Shoot me.

THAT IS THE POINT !

Lemon-

No no no no no, you misunderstand me, I understood you perfectly, and I'm not saying your wrong.

I simply wanted her to know that she shouldn't stop posting just because people don't agree with her decisions.

I am not in the position to give her advice, as I'm sure you'll agree. I just wanted her to know that her feelings are valid, even if they are misdirected.

I don't think you were too harsh, I think you were being the Lemon we all know and love.

I am not championing her WH's case, by a long shot. I just like her, and wanted her to know that I was listening.

That's it.

-Caren

Well, I am wrong then in misinterpreting you (won't be the last time though--that is just me). I am flawed.

Sorry,

LM

Some marriages just are NOT GOING TO RECOVER...Mine WILL NOT recover...no matter how many times I give him "one more chance"...how many "one more chances" do you give someone?

This marriage is UNrecoverable! Your H is just like mine in the aspect he is selfish and UNrepentent...he only cares for himself and lives in the moment...Maybe he DOES mean what he says at that time...but he lives in the moment...For HIMself!

Caren, this marriage cannot be saved as long as he is who he is...He is UNable to change, and maybe someday Dani will see that...I just hope it happens before it is too late!

There other marriages that cannot be saved as well on here...but the BS must see that for themselves...I think Dani KNOWS this...I think her HEAD knows it, but her heart doesn't want to listen...She will get it one day...I know she will...

I know that some peoples marriages won't recover, I was not trying to imply this one would.

I absolutely know that ALL of you have Dani's best interest at heart. There is no debate there at all.

Dani asked for advice, Dani got advice......I don't feel comfortable giving anyone advice in this area, because I don't think my judgement is spot on.

-Caren