Post deleted by californiapoppy

Can I ask the question, what do you want to accomplish?

You already said everyone knows, so they aren't getting away with it even though they might think they are.

Now, the next part, do you want to stay in your marriage or not? The person you need to deal with is your husband and not the other woman. The other woman is side issue and confronting her will just add compounded issues and complicate things. Not to mention if you meet her face to face there is always the possibility of an altercation taking place.

My advice, don't make your life more complicated. Your husband is the person you need to be dealing with and not the other woman.

My signature says I am a new poster...but actually I have been on here for 4 years.

My husband throughout a 21 year military marriage had 5 affairs that I know of. I confronted three of them. Of these three, only one ever showed any remorse for what she had done...and she did apologize to me. But that was only after her husband found out and she was in danger of losing her family.

From my experience, including the bimbo my ex is now with...they have their own reality--their own perception of what has occurred or is occurring. Most are so deeply involved that they don't want to believe anything except for their fairytale relationship.

My husband's current wife---mistress--has written me horrid emails, distorting truths, lies and everything in between. She won't believe what anyone has to say to her--including my 4 kids. No matter what happens--it is my fault. I try not to let what she says or thinks affect me--because we know the truth--but it still hurts. Obviously, my ex has been feeding her with all sorts of lies---and she chooses to continue to believe them.

I have reached the point that I will have nothing to do with her ever again. It is not worth my time.

I think it sometimes helps in the beginning of an affair to let them know that you aren't what you have oftentimes been represented as by your spouse. But sometimes like this time with this bimbo....she has been hit with 2 X 4s on what the reality really was---and it didn't matter.

Be prepared either way to have a thick skin.

My mother told me from the time I discovered this latest affair to not lower myself to her level. My mom has since passed away---but I am amazed more and more each day how right she was in this case.

My suggestion, work on you, on your beautiful life, on a good plan A---and if that doesn't work....move on. Life is too short to have to put up with that continued heartache.

Just my 2cents. Pat

We live in a very small town. The first very brief A my H had (may have only been EA do not know if it was physical) the whole town knew about because she was/is a psycho and told everyone my H was leaving me to live with her. I never confronted her as I felt my time was better spent dealing with my H. I did not have this site at the time so I just went into a big depression and let myself go instead of working on me and all I have learned here. I did, however, call her when it was brought to my attention that she was having her son question my kids at school about my H and then taking pictures of them without my persmission and on and on. When it comes to my kids that is a whole different story and she got a firm phone call from me telling her I had not one ounce of respect for her and that she had better stay away from my children. Well, she told everyone I had called her and she was just appalled that I did. Her aunt told me she had called her and her aunt told her straight up she was wrong to be messing with my family anyway and that it would be in her best interests to stay away. Now, this last A my H had in the fall is a different story. It lasted for a few months I guess and was physical. It broke up her marriage for a while (she had only been married about 2 months when she started sleeping with my H!) I just found out about a month ago about this. With what I have learned at this site and by reading I decided not to confront her. And it would be easy to since it is such a small town. She tans where I tan. She has coffee where I have coffee. Etc.. Her husband is a town cop and a great guy. I know she and her H have been in counseling since January and that she moved back in with him about a month or so ago. I know she knows how I feel because when I see her I just look at her and then look away. (she actually used to work for me and I was very nice to her at work!) I feel since she and her H are in counseling she knows what she did was wrong and I have to believe in my heart she has remorse for it or she wouldn't be working on her marriage. Sometimes I think silence is best. I will not stoop to her level. I am sure she must know what I think of her. I am thinking that she may even feel more uncomfortable than I do when I run into her as she is the one who did the major wrong! That is enough satisfaction for me. And knowing the whole town knows what she did. I have to deal with myself and my H and work on myself and my marriage if I still have one. Confronting her only lowers me I feel. I know enough people have had words with her about it (her inlaws, etc) so I don't need to reiterate. And, as crazy as it sounds, I hope her and her H can work past this. They are both young. She is lucky her H took her back. She is the one who has to look herself in the mirror, her H in the eyes, and her future children in the eye and know what she has done. Knowing she is trying to right a wrong with counseling tells me she is sorry. I would not confront the OW. I do not think it will give you what you think it will. take a deep breath and think before you do anything. Hugs, mlhb

Save it. Your issues are with your H not the OW. Your H cheated on you. The OW did not cheat on you. Had it not been this OW, your H probably would have cheated with someone else.

Do others know of the affair through the grapevine and rumors or have you officially exposed the affair? If it were truly exposed your WH and OW would not be so oblivious and think it is still a secret.

Concentrate your energy and efforts in exposing the A to any and all who matter.

If you're interested in saving your M, start putting the Harley concepts into play. If not, then fire away.