I have been sitting here reading about all the relationships that seem to be going well this particular weekend. Probably has something to do with the full moon!!! I say this is a great sign!!! Kudos and congratulations to all the posters who are having a wonderful weekend with their spouse.<P>This weekend for me has not been so kind. I remember one of the effects of getting stoned in college (20 years ago folks...not any more!) was time expansion. You know, 1 minute seemed like 15, 15 minutes seemed like an hour, etc. Well, this experience for me has had this same effect. Time has just seemed to "stop". The hurt and agony, however, don't abate. This is killing me.<P>I've asked God to give me some sign that He is working for my good. I know that my faith is strong, however those assurances are really nice from time to time. I certainly don't want to interfere in or rush God's work, but it sure would be nice to have a respite from the pain. Perhaps I'm blind to some message(s) He has sent my way.<P>My loneliness is tearing me apart. I'm afraid to go out for two reasons...1) I'm REAL vulnerable to an affair because I miss companionship and intimacy and 2) I'm even more afraid of running into W with OM. THAT, I'm sure, would put me over the edge. Just the thought of them together makes me lose sleep.<P>(Rhetorical question alert) => How much longer will this go on? Almost without exception, every book I've read and every forum poster reassures me that my W's relationship with the OM is doomed. I HAVEN'T SEEN ANY INDICATION OF THAT HAPPENING YET!!! Sorry for yelling, I'm really in the dumper today. Shoot, it's really gorgeous outside too. Help?

Shattered - I could have written that. I've even found that the job I hate is better than these stupid weekends. The clock does not move. <P>Sorry, no advice or words of wisdom. But you're not alone in your feelings. I've never known such intense lonliness in my life.<P>Hang in there. I'm trying to. They say it WILL get better. I say it had BETTER get better!<P>Lori

shattered<BR>Wow! You describe the feelings perfectly.<BR>Something I always noticed was that one moment seemed like forever. Remember my post about H's sleepovers with the OW?<BR>It felt like I would never see him again and my life was over and there would never be anything else in my life but that. Time had stopped forever in my life.<BR>So I prayed! And I smoked. (I had quit smoking before discovery) And I had a couple of stiff drinks. ( I didn't drink for years before discovery). The last two I wouldn't suggest but that's what I did.<BR>Finally the doc gave me something to help me sleep. Only a week's worth but it seemed to get me on track.<BR>I know it seems like forever. The most horrible feeling in the world. I hurt for you. I can feel it when you describe it.<BR>How long will it last? The only thing I know for sure is NOT FOREVER. The worst part with my H lasted about two months after discovery. Then we went through a lot of relapses. They weren't so bad. Easier with practice. What a gross concept eh?<BR>Now you do have to take care of yourself.<BR>If you can't go out, is there something you Can do at home that you enjoy? <BR>I used to just drive around the country listening to some good rock and roll. The country stuff was too sad. I usually listened to Cher's "Believe". Wow did that give me strength!!!!<BR>I also have some very unique stories involving litterboxes and the shirt OW gave to my H. I was just a tad insane and I did find ways of venting my feelings.<BR>Don't bottle too much up. Not good for you. Be creative. <BR>You are in my prayers. If I can do this anyone can!!!!!!!<P>BTW Did you ever see that "Changing the images" thread we did a while back? It helped a lot of people change images that they couldn't get rid of. Mind control thing.<BR>easier to change the images than to get rid of them.<P>

Hi Shattered,<P>I am so sorry that you are having a bad weekend. IMO, weekends are the worst. To much free time.<BR>I found out in March about the affair. He moved out the middle of July. Shortly after that I found out from OW that they met to have sex. I still am desperate most days. <BR>How long has it been since discovery? How long has she been gone? Do you have children? Sorry, you may have already answered these questions and I just dont recall (my mind isnt what it used to be-LOL)<BR>I agress with WS. It won't last forever. The best gift that you have right now is that God is on your side. He WILL NOT let you down. That is His promise to those of us who follow Him. <BR>I pray several times a day. Some days it seems like all I do. Give your broken heart over to the Lord, Shattered. He feels your pain and He is the healer of broken hearts. <BR>I cant tell you if she will be back or not. You and I are in the same divorce boat, and it SUCKS! <BR>Maybe you should take a walk. Its a nice day and the frest air may clear your head. Go have a nice dinner, rent a funny movie. Try to just take each moment as they come.<BR>I'm here for you. I also know how you feel about being prime for an affair. We all are human and need companionship. Stay strong. It will get better.<BR>Sending you a cyber hug. <P>Cheryl

Shattered-<P>You ok? Im worried about you. Let me know you're ok.<P>Cheryl

shattered,<P>just a note to say hello and I'm sorry you're having such a yucky weekend.<P>I wish your W would pull her head outta wherever it is and see what she's doing!<BR>Are she and the OM in town? I thought they were in Europe? You need to get out SOMEwhere that you know they WON'T be!<P>I have nothing else to offer tonight, except my sympathy and prayers...<P>take care... ~Sheryl<P>------------------<BR>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<BR>

Lori/WS/Cheryl/n_b - <P>Thank you so much for your kind replies to my cry for help. I feel like I take SO much more from this forum than I can give at this time and I feel bad about that. I know that everyone is in their own private hell right now. I'm just so grateful that there are kind and loving people such as you who can give. God will not forget your kindness and neither will I.<P>Yesterday was one of the worst days since she left and I can't tell you exactly why. Perhaps it was because it was such a nice day and I feel that my life is just a wasting away. Saturday nights are also traditionally "date night". I'm absolutely positive that W and OM had a wonderful night on the town, probably capped off with some intense sex (I refuse to call it lovemaking because it just can't be love, can it?) My body just starts to shake when I think of that. During thee times, I pray feverishly to get the images out of my head. Here it is 3.5 months after discovery but my feelings are still as raw and hurt as they were on day 1.<P>WS - at first, I had the worst time with sleep...you know the typical depression early waking syndrome. My doctor prescribed (in addition to the Zoloft for the depression) Trazodone. It seemed to work only slightly. I really feel that I had to get the therapeautic levels of the Zoloft in my bloodstream in order to combat the sleep deprivation. I am now sleeping much better (probably 7 - 8 hours a night), but that took AT LEAST 2 months.<P>My doctor warned me against drinking...so I have not touched a drop since June. As I love to have a beer every now and then, this is difficult. My doctor said that alcohol in a depressant (I knew this) and that it could effectively negate the anti-depressant properties of the Zoloft. I do NOT want to go there, so I gladly gave up alcohol. Since I've never smoked, that's never been a problem either.<P>Although I'm pretty much a "shut in" (self imposed for the time being), I do find things to do. I've been able to read...I've become a prolific reader. My SIL turned me on to the "Left Behind" series by Tim LaHaye. It's a series of 7(?) books (so far) about a fictional account of the end times. The 1st book opens with an account of the Rapture. The remainder of the series takes the reader through a wonderful story of how those left behind work their way through the 7 year Tribulation (and all the accompanying Judgements from God), fighting the Antichrist and, ultimately, witnessing the Glorious Reappearance of Christ. If you're a Christian, I highly recommend it. You really learn a lot. Unfortunately, I've finished reading the series to date...I must wait for Tim's next installment.<P>But I simply can't just wait in my house reading for an indefinite period. I pray for strength from God to face each and everyday. I've turned this entirely over to God (actually that's a silly statement since He's had control over it from the beginning anyway!) I've just resigned myself to the fact that God will let me know what to do and when.<P>Cheryl - (I still have GREAT memories whenever I hear or speak that name!!! You don't mind if I reminisce a bit do you....OK, I'm back!!!)<P>For me, discovery was after W left. I was completely naive to the possiblity of an affair thinking, as most here do, that THEIR spouse is INCAPABLE of this type of betrayal. W moved out in June under the pretense..."I need time to think"...classic.<P>Two weeks later, she returned for 30 minutes to drop the bomb. It was the single most intensely damaging experience to my psyche that I've ever had. I, as many here probably did, contemplated suicide. This from a VERY emotionally stable, left brain thinker.<P>Thankfully, we have no children, although that fact only increases the odds that we will indeed divorce. I understand that when children are involved, there is a tendency for the wayward spouse to begin to think more clearly and want to return home sooner. For this reason, I regret not having children but understand that my feeling this way is totally self serving. I really only want my W back if she wants to come home for ME.<P>Oh Cheryl...last night was pure hell for me. I am so grateful for my parent's support. I called them and talked for nearly an hour. Then, I called another sister-in-law and talked for about 30 minutes. They were all wonderfully supportive.<P>I know that God is with me during this crisis and that His promise will make this all worth while. He knows the hell we're in, but He also is a very loving God and will reward us for our perseverance and character. We all must continue to fight the good fight for we will be victorious in the end.<P>My love to all - <p>[This message has been edited by Shattered1 (edited September 26, 1999).]

Hi Shattered-<P>Are you better today? I was worried about you. I know all too well the kind of day you had yesterday. The never end.<BR>I wish I had a magic wand and I could wave it and make everyone's marriages heal TODAY!<BR>Just know that I know how you feel. I know your pain. It is unbearable at times. But, it will get better.<BR>God has a perfect plan for all of us. He won't let you down. Just put all your trust in him. Raise up your w to the Lord. Pray, pray, and pray some more.<BR>I don't think that having children makes them come back any faster. At least in my case. We have a beautiful 2yr old daughter that he seems to be very content with seeing only a few hours a week. It think the insanity makes them think they don't have any responsiblity to anyone.<BR>Hold to to your hope. While there is breath, there is hope.<P>Cheryl

Shattered1--<P>I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. But, I have been following your story and I hope things turn around for you soon.<P>How are you feeling today?

Hey pal,<BR>I missed this the first time through..... I'm thinking about you and hope you doing better. I'm like you with the kids. The W and I don't have any but at the same time I wish we did for the same reasons you do . But we can't get down on that, We have to deal with the Hand that got dealt us and work with that. Be safe, Be strong<P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P><BR>