Sorry but this is as long as always! Just wanted to get some feedback on what has been happening here on the soggy Canadian prairie!
Those of you who know my story will remember I wrote an email to the OW at the end of May, it was well written and conveyed the truth from this side of the fence! I did not get a direct response from her but got an indirect one from my WH. He wrote me an email saying that my letters had caused problems in his relationship with the OW and his parents! He dais I should be happy because I ruined the relationship woth OW and it was finished!
Here is an excerpt of his letter, better direct from the horse’s mouth!!
"We both contributed to what happened and I fully acknowledge the impact that I contributed to in deciding to leave our marriage. I do want a future state where we can cordially discuss issues or successes that happen with our kids and even find ways to support each other. I have been dealing with a lot of guilt over leaving our marriage and it's been hard. Your reinforcement that all of our friends see me as being in a cult, that my kids don't want to be around me, that I have no morals or values and I do not resemble the man you once new have kept me feeling [censored] about myself. I also need to move on from that self-perception.
The impact of your letters to my parents and to Kelly where you reinforced my faults in an effort for you to move on kept me feeling pretty [censored], small in some ways and they also had an impact on those relationships. I am feeling somewhat emotionally isolated right now and at the same time am moving forward to be solid and the man I know I am fully capable of being.
My wish is that you accept me for who I am today and accept my decisions that I make, if you don't I will accept that too. I may not always get the decisions right yet you can rest assured that I do my utmost to be sensitive to all concerned. My intention is to continue my relationship with Kelly and as much as I know it is painful for you I do not want to sneak around in my life anymore, under any conditions. It is not Kelly's fault that we are apart. I have convinced myself that I have needed to be less than forthright so as to avoid anger from you, Shelly I can't do it anymore, the affect of not being forthright is damaging to me in other more permanent ways.
I worry about the kids and how they have seen me not only through their eyes but through yours, some is natural in the short term, I do appreciate your support and recognize that it's more than just your words that they pick up on. I do wish peace for you because you deserve it and it has such a huge impact on those around you. Let's both embark on a fresh start in our lives, other options hurt too much”
I wrote ( and cc’d it to the OW) that I stood by my letters and that I know that she is culpable and she knows it! I had more to say but I won’t bore u all with the details.
He called me (I know I shouldn’t have answered it!) He said I need professional help and I needed to stop! I said as a matter of fact I am seeing an IC and she told me I have a perfect right to be angry! He yelled at me I WILL NEVER RECONCIL WITH YOU, FO< FO< FO!!! I said I was sorry he felt that way then he hung up on me.
No contact until just before Father’s Day when he emailed telling me he had a dental appt Fathers day afternoon and the kids would be home around noon. He also said that Father’s day was no big deal to him anyways!
I emailed back “Fine””. I then made plans for the kids and I along with some girlfriends and their kids to have a bbq on Fathers Day. On that day the kids arrived home around noon and settled in. I had bought a card for their dad from them but they had not taken it to him when they had been over earlier even though I reminded them.
Around 3PM he called the house to ask the kids to come back. I told him we had made alternate plans. I said they could go for a short while but I had dinner almost ready. He was not feeling well and was quite lonely I imagine! They took his card to him
The kids were back in 15 minutes and we had a very fun evening.
The next evening, my son was cutting the front lawn and I was on the veranda when he rode up on his bike. He asked me how I was, I replied Fine Thanks and off he went.
He apparently rode next to my older daughters house ( his SD) and knocked on her door. She was surprised to find him there and the conversation was short and he was not invited in!
He calls the house today to talk to our youngest D and the next thing I know she hands me the phone. He asks me why he was not invited to a friends wedding that is happening this Saturday. He says he is upset and he thinks I am poisoning everyone against him! I said I did not make the guest list and that I imagine she does not want him there as she abhors his A with the OW! He just didn’t get it!
He asks if we should go together next week to our son’s grad dinner. I said I already had a table of 8 arranged and I thought he may be uncomfortable sitting with more friends who feel the same about the A! Anyways he plans to make it a table of 9. I will be the coolest sexiest cucumber of the party! Let the cards fall where they may!
I was wondering what you guys and girls get from all this? Is the fog lifting or is just feeling overly sorry for himself? I think he is still with OW even though he says I ruined the relationship and that it was over! I don’t really believe it!
