AD,
Here's one for you.

Since you have a daughter, and I have a daughter, we understand this poem and the feelings it describes.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The Children's Hour

Between the dark and the daylight,
When the night is beginning to lower,
Comes a pause in the day's occupations,
That is known as the Children's Hour.

I hear in the chamber above me
The patter of little feet,
The sound of a door that is opened,
And voices soft and sweet.

From my study I see in the lamplight,
Descending the broad hall stair,
Grave Alice, and laughing Allegra,
And Edith with golden hair.

A whisper, and then a silence:
Yet I know by their merry eyes
They are plotting and planning together
To take me by surprise.

A sudden rush from the stairway,
A sudden raid from the hall!
By three doors left unguarded
They enter my castle wall!

They climb up into my turret
O'er the arms and back of my chair;
If I try to escape, they surround me;
They seem to be everywhere.

They almost devour me with kisses,
Their arms about me entwine,
Till I think of the Bishop of Bingen
In his Mouse-Tower on the Rhine!

Do you think, o blue-eyed banditti,
Because you have scaled the wall,
Such an old mustache as I am
Is not a match for you all!

I have you fast in my fortress,
And will not let you depart,
But put you down into the dungeon
In the round-tower of my heart.

And there will I keep you forever,
Yes, forever and a day,
Till the walls shall crumble to ruin,
And moulder in dust away!



I wish things were different for you.

SS

AD

dont beat yourself up too much.

Done worse in my time. Even now my DD though 19 understands what PTSD is, when I come back from deployments I find it very very hard for anyone, even family to touch me.
She'd run up to me for hugs on the pier or airport and at times, especially after Afghanistan it took all I had not to push her away.

She just kissed my forehead and told me all was going to be ok Daddy...still does ... but damn I wanted to curl up and die somewhere.

Yor lovely DD still loves her Dad like kids do, I bet she just would like her family back regardless. She doesnt understand anything else, doesnt want to.
But sadly AD that is out of your control.
Chin up. take a deep breath, start over on a new day.

Thank you very much SS,

That is a beautiful peom! Three he had?! Wow!

One is pretty heavenly all on her own. Yes, she surely needs some cohorts with which to plot. You have 8 kids?

Well, she is here tonight. Chalk up one for my wife, who had pity on me. We had to meet at the bank this afternoon, and she sent DD home with me. All is not roses, however. W doesn't trust me on the house sale. It's very disheartening. She imagines that I would intentionally arrange a bad sale so that neither of us would get any money out of it - just so that she would not get any. I don't know how to cope with that. If she only knew the truth, she would be completly at peace - and would never want to D me.

As I was putting her to bed, DD, just a few minutes ago said "I want Mama to ring the doorbell". "What should happen next?", I asked. "The door would open", she replied. "And, would somebody go out or somebody come in?", I asked. "Mama would come in", she replied. "I lost my Mama", she said. I assured her that she had not lost her Mama nor her Papa. We had a little talk about that. I stayed and rubbed her back until she fell asleep.

The innocent suffer, and we "big people" are to blame.

-AD

Aussie2,

I almost missed your post - cause we posted simultaneously.

Thanks for the kind words. I'm sorry for your suffering with the PTSD. My wife also suffers from something similar. She was orphaned in a war as a child. If you have seen it first hand, you can imagine. It doesn't matter what country it is. Children are all the same.

-AD

"Life"? What is this "life" thing of which you speak, and are trying to "have a little"? I do not know this word, "life." Must be something other people have! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> In another state. Another country. Possibly another planet! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Just a drive-by. Watch out for that ol' chin. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I don't have a pt. of my own but have been helping out with others' and now it's time to eat. Wouldn't want all that fat to dwindle away! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

t&l

Guess I should've read the whole pg. before I tried to tease you. Sorry. And I can't stay around to make nice because I just got a pt. of my own and have to leave immejit-like. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

t&l

AD

occupational hazard I guess. You work thru it, get yourself together ...wouldn't be dead for quids.
But the kids are the ones who suffer more I think, and wives or spouses. He// of a life.

AD, you keep reassuring her, truth where you can because kids can smell a false it will all be ok from a mile away. Don't ever think they can't.
Obviously age relevent though.
Most of all let her know you & your WW love HER.
You are right, kids are kids no matter where in the world.

and that poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, thats a good one..word smiths like that are rare.

Head high AD, you are doing ok

T&L,

The only "making nice" you needed to do was to stop by and acknowledge my existance, which you did, so I'm cool for now, thanks!

I've sort of shut down for awhile now - don't have much to say. I've been letting W get close to me again, and I see now that she only allows close enough to figure she's got me "on the shelf" and that it.

What happened Thursday, was that she was here all night Wednesday - which was amazing and went home Thursday. She was talking about trying to save the marriage. So thursday evening, I called her from work and invited her to meet me for dinner in a not-bad restaurant - and we did, and it was not bad, but later, when she got home she called to tell me I should please send the revisions to the lawyer so we can get the D back on track. At the moment I was smiling, really, because it is so typical of her - and really I had come to accept the inevitibility of the D - and am I a bad man if I don't enjoy it when my very own one and only wife spends one more night with me. I was thinking that I should go with the flow. But apparently it did affect me more than I thought - and I got a chip on my shoulder - which she nudged on Friday evening - precipitating my little shouting spasm.

So, well you read yesterday's post.

I hardly slept again and today was just walking in circles and drinking coffee - not wanting anything - wondering how I could be so completely purposeless. W called and try to stir me into action - which turned out well, because I said "we might as well go do our banking business, since they are open on Saturday" (sorry, T&L, did y'all have a nice church service today?).

So, I met them at the bank. I was already in, talking to a loan officer (no waiting even!) when they came in and DD just ran into my arms - which was, for me, like being resurrected from the dead. And after our very brief business - which the loan officer said would take til Tuesday to process and we could come in and sign things, we left and DD got in my vehicle and came home with me. We had a pretty good time together until W called and accused me of trying to cheat her and pull something sneaky at the bank etc. etc. - drug me down again, but not as low as before, because before, I knew it was my fault.

OK, you're working.

I'm going to sleep.

-AD

Aussie2,

Yes, I reassure her - and her mom does too - and really we both only say nice things about each other to DD (unless we are together or talking on the phone and DD is listening in.) And no, I don't tell her "everthing will be OK". Sometimes I tell her that her Mom and I will never live in the same house again. Lately I tell her I'm sorry.

She's lost a lot. W's nephew (N22) moved out in April - after having been in our home for DD's entire life. My cat got hit by a car a few months before - and W refused to let me bring her home from the vet with one eye gone, and scarred up - so I found another home for her. And in December we briefly had a dog (for 3 days) that DD really liked and still asks about. So, DD has had to move, has lost two pets that she liked, has lost her cousin who lived with us, and has her parents split up. And, no longer lives across the street from the two little boys that were her only friends. And her toys and things are scattered across three homes (some are still over at the other house, some here, some at W's apt.)

It stinks.

-AD

Plan B is probably going to do you good AD. Get you away from the drama for awhile.

I dont think all is hopeless yet for you two but who knows AD? I never had to do that so can't say what it is like.
I hope it works for you and some good comes of it, you've done a lot to fight for your M.
Thats a mark of a good man.

Right now getting ready to go back to Afghanistan next month and spending as much time with my w and baby and grown kids as is possible.
Most of us are tired and battle worn but when the band plays Waltzing Matilda I guess we'll answer the call.

As for words smiths .. hard to beat Shakespeare..

This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered,
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers.

Of course my W and family have another opinion of it all and that’s not anywhere near decent for posting here ….lol <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I'm glad you're so easily pleased. I was fearing that some sort of self-immolation would be necessary in order to atone for my apparent insensitivity!


Sounds to me like your wife is a chain-jerker extraordinaire. She might even be able to give MY husband lessons. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> No wonder you were so able to identify (and identify with) my dilemma in the little do-you-or-do-you-not-want-a-good-marriage-answer-yes-or-no dust-up. I finally got to the point where there were so many mixed signals being sent it was just easier, safer, saner, healthier to ignore 'em all and chart my own course than to bounce around (upanddownandupanddown) like a crazy ball, depending on someone else's mood of the day. Or the minute. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />


Well, I had a good time, since I was the speaker. Can't guarantee it for everybody else, although they laughed and some of them got teary (at the appropriate times, too, which is always a plus!) as we explored prayer in the light of impossible possibilities.


Hope you slept. I'm working...again. I can't tell you how much I hate this stupid schedule. But I earn an incredible amount of money, and if I can only keep it up for 3 yrs. I'll have it made. I hope. Take care.

t&l

Ooh, T&L, I didn't know the SDA's allowed lady preachers.
I'm sure you gave them an earful!

I missed my church today, I must confess.

I blame it on the fact that W didn't pack a church dress for DD. That's a poor excuse, because she did have something to wear. But you know, I'm going to go buy one or two "church dresses" (size 4T) and hang them up here so that next time, I won't have that excuse.

One night, back in May, we bought 17 dresses for DD in one visit to the store. At least 5 of them were "church dresses". But there are none here. DD4 was on a dress kick back then - refusing to wear anything else. Now, she's relaxed that restriction a little - probably because her mom refused to take her to the playground in a dress. If anybody ever knew how to teach a child to remain decent while coming down a slide in a dress, they didn't tell us.

Today she asked me to take her to the playground and I said "Ok, go to the potty then put on your shorts and we'll go". It didn't take her 2 minutes to be ready. I can remember when it was a 45 minute ordeal. Evidently, her Mom has been doing some good training on her. Also, she's growing up.

-AD

Aussie2,

Well, I'm not really in any plan right now - just trying to go with the flow and do whatever I feel comfortable doing. It had been looking like something might be happening.

-AD

There's considerable debate on the SDA church about women pastors. The people for it have so far been unable to make it "stick" as a church-wide policy, so female pastors are few and far between. This doesn't prevent the odd female from getting up now and again to speak.

Wait. That didn't come out quite right, did it?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> Let's run it past the teeth one more time. I wouldn't call what I did "preaching." I talked. In church. As the featured speaker. For the 11 o'clock hr. But I didn't preach. And if I gave them an earful, it certainly wasn't in any sort of a lecture-y way. We all struggle with believing that God is still hearing us when our lives are rotten. So we talked about that. One man asked me, "How did you know I needed to hear that?" Well, the answer is simple. I knew he needed it because it was what I needed, too. I'm really big on relevance. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I got goose bumps trying to imagine sliding down a slide in a dress! All that sticky skin and clinging metal. And just try to do it in the summer!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hachewawa. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Sounds like your daughter is well on the way to becoming a sensible girl already.

t&l

How are you anyway? You've been very silent these past few days. Hope you're hanging in there. By your teeth, if you have to! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

t&l

T&L,

Thanks for asking about me. I'm winding down my participation in the MB forum.

Tomorrow, we will file our "uncontested D" - which, since we both sign it, will become final in only 30 days.

I went by W's apt this evening and had a last try to find some path that we could walk together. I had to do that, though the result was much as expected. The D is still "on".

I was thinking of going out to Wal-mart (only place that's still open) and buying a chain to put my ring on - so I can give it to DD to play with. I'm sure she'll lose it, but that's ok. Her Mom's ring is in the moat of Cindereller's castle at the Majik Kinkdom. The day she threw it in there (last Dec), I told her that it was a perfect disposal site - since I could bring my next wife there and tell her "My first wife threw her diamond in right here." She didn't much like the sound of that, LOL.

I think the ring can stay on my finger for 30 more days, but I need to go shopping anyway, so I'll have a look for an appropriate chain.

Gotta go.

-AD

{{{AD}}}

Thank you, FF. I read your thread - don't know what to say. Infidelity is one of the most painful tools of the devil that have been unleashed on the earth.

-AD

Hmmmm. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

-AD

I suppose YOU want to be adopted, too?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I certainly am atoning for being an only child. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

t&l