My husband and I have been back together now for 6 days. The pain is still fresh but he has been wonderful. I know he feels the guilt and he is doing everything AND some to make me feel secure and loved. We are making changes in our life. Doing things together, taking walks, going for rides, making plans on other things we can do alone with each other and as a family with our kids. We want to renew our vows, buy new rings. Most of these things are his idea so I really feel he wants to make a 100 % attempt. I have forgiven him and I want this to work more than anything.

The biggest problem I am having right now is HER. I can't get her out of my head. I know her name/address/phone number/where she works. I found the emails she sent to him and read all her feelings towards my husband.

I have no reason to believe he has had any contact with her. From the night he walked back into my life he sat his cell phone ontop of the frig and that is where it has stayed. He has not gone anywhere by himself, we go together. Only time he is without me is when he goes to work. He ended the affair a few days before he came back home. He said she will make no attempt to call or see him. (I want to believe that so bad)

I want her to know that him and I are back together. I want her to know that we now have this closeness we have never had before.

How do I get rid of this desire to prove this to her. She is nothing! It will happen sooner or later, we will run into her. It is a small world here where we live.

Also, I have NO clue what she looks like or who she is. I have never met her or seen her. Since he told me where she works (a store close by) should I end my wondering and go there. I just want to see what my "ghost" looks like. I want to know so I do not have to think that every woman around her age is her. I want to put a face to the monster I am creating in my mnd.

U need counselng and closure. A good MC can help you with counseling. I recommend Jennifer or Steve from MB. They can help you get a plan for recovery for the both of you.

Your H can then help you with closure. The hauntings of the OW w/b present for a while. Getting support on knowing how to deal with this is vital. Finally putting a face to the OW will help. It is quite disappointing to learn that many of our WS' take a step down in life when they have an A. Most of the OPs lack greatly in vital areas. C/b looks, finances, mental stability, etc. or the lack there of. Whatever pluses in life an OP may have that attracts the WS, the down side is that the OP does not have quality in their lives and forces the WS to lower their standards just to have an A.

Realize that you and your family are way above any OP, no matter what she looks like. BTW, OPs stink. The stench of the A will follow an OP and WS as long as they remain as such.

You will probably be more keen on spotting an OP and WS now since you have been through this. I recall being at McDonald's for lunch with a friend from work and the table next to us had a WS and OP doing 'lunch'. I 'wondered' out loud about his W. LOL!!! The guy squirmed a bit but I didn't care. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Have you read "surviving an affair"?
L.

Yes, I have read Surviving an Affair. Everything I have read here has been so helpful.

It is just hard to get that feeling of her being "out there" out of my head. We are military so moving is not an option. We are 3 1/2 years away from retirement and right not it is near impossible to change duty stations. So, I know we are stuck here and so is she.

I think back to how many times I have walked into that store and she must of been there. I have no idea if she knows what I look like.

I have no issues with my body and know my husband finds me attractive. Our sex life is wonderful right now, infact it is better than it has ever been.

I just feel like if I could put a face on her I would be facing a demon that is eating at me right now. Whatever she looks like I know I can give my husband more than she ever could. Of course if she is ugly as mud that would make me happy! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Is there any harm with just walking in there like I always have? I do not plan on saying anything about the affair. All I need is that face, all I need is the wondering to stop and I can then put that ghost to rest.

Tell him you need to know, you need to see what she looks like. Know that the impact could still give you nightmares. The unknown though will always be a greater cause for anxiety than reality.

Why? 'Cuz those OPs are just not all they are cracked up t/b. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> They are just cracked. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

BTW, I was soo disappointed with the OP. I told my WS that I expected him to at least step up with his choices, not go backwards. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

L.

BTW, u don't get 'past' the OW..... you step on top of them and move forward. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> The OW will always be beneath the BS and family.

L.

Thank you so much, orchid!

I love that "you don't get past the OW, you step on top of them and move forward" THAT is what I want to do!

I WILL talk to him tonight and let him know I need to see what she looks like. I want to move around freely and not wonder if she is around the next corner. I do not want to avoid places because of her. I do not want her to have any control over me. I am PROUD that my husband and I are making this attempt to save our marriage. I know I am who he loves and I know I am who he wants.

Hi,

How r u doing? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.