Alright I've ALWAYS had self-image issues. Don't ever remember a time when I felt comfortable in my own skin, from one extreme to the other, and thanks to some pretty harsh emotional abuse during my childhood, I've struggled with feelings of worthlessness my entire adult life. This A did NOT help matters!!!! I actually told FWH two weeks before D-day that my biggest fear was people thinking I was the type of woman whose husband would cheat, whatever that means. Now I'm stuck with the reality that it's true.
So while FWH is doing everything he can to try to convince me he really IS in love with me for ME and not trying to replace me with a smaller, "better", more efficient model, I just can't believe him. I'm honestly trying to work on my self-image from the inside out--I'm actually quite happy with the person I'm becoming (strong, kindhearted, and mostly even-keeled....mostly <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />) as a result of what we've been through, but good grief, how am I supposed to know what a positive self-image feels like if I've never had it? And just how do I reconcile what he tells me about how he feels about me now with the fact that he's built me up verbally while secretly being totally unhappy with me for fifteen years????

Camo

The key to self esteem lies within yourself. It is independant of other's opinion or treatment of you. Some of us are lucky and get that instilled in us in our formative years, for others of us something went wrong somewhere on the way. The good news is... that God made us all in her image and you can learn to love yourself and be happy with who you are by being the person you were meant to be. Take this opportunity as a catalyst to work on this. IC can be really helpful here. Accepting and loving yourself will make you capable of loving others even more!

Many warm hugs to you!

I'm pretty sure I should have caught onto that by now; after all, Dr. Phil's books are pretty good! I know in my heart who I "am" isn't about what a loser my parents think I am or the fact that my FWH's A cemented the feelings I had about being a fat, lazy, walking time bomb. I've learned through all of this that God buried some serious strength beneath my sometimes brash exterior and I'm a more giving person than I ever knew. I just never give anything back to myself.
Probably the harshest reality of this whole mess was looking back on the last 16 years. Up until the day before D-day, I fully believed my H deserved a better woman than he had in me. I had him on a pedestal so high that I couldn't even reach him--I loved him for who he was and treasured everything about him. I told him over and over what a "catch" I knew I had, and I felt I could never be the woman I thought he deserved. During the A he had probably the biggest ego of anyone I've ever known--he had not one but TWO women telling him that same thing, and of course he started believing that he deserved better. That "catch" came crashing down on my head a few months ago and now everything smells fishy. Could I have been the "catch" all along and I just never knew it? When it comes to trophy wives I'm certainly no prize, that much I know. So how do I reconcile what I *know* about myself with the fact that I need to be able to accept who I am?