Help I need advice???? I am new to this site, but almost everything Dr. Harley has to say I have said so many other times to my husband who just ignored what I had to say. The emotional needs, the "I have time for everyone else (job) but you" etc works an average of 48 to 50 highly stressed hrs. a week (salaried not hourly paid). Doesn't do much around the house, I do most all of it. The 10 reasons why women leave article, I could have written my self. After he read some of the things Dr. Harley had to say laughing along the way, he did say that Dr. Hadley made some good points after he finished some of the aricles. Anyway about the infidelity, I need that forum desprestly. I left last night (moved out) Not only do we have emotional problems, yes we have pornagraphic problems in our marriage. After being married for 15 years, he finally stopped with the videos, magazines, internet when our daughter turned 12 and became inerested in the computer. But after giving him a choice in 1991 and 1998 either me or the porn, he would tell me what I wanted to hear, but never gave it up. (many other incidents where I caught him along the way for the 13 years it went on, but those where the ones where I really was ready to leave) or was I. I stayed, even though he repeatedly lied for 13 years saying he wasn't doing it. Last night he admited he didn't stop for me, he stopped (if he really did?) for our daughter. (She also had found porn, magazines in his car. He would carry them around in his car, at work, etc. ) He said he stopped the internet porn for her because she is innocent, not for me I and not innocent. Also he never once would tell me I was his #1 priority, always work #1 M-F, then me/family, then it changed to work #1 from time I get there to time I leave and family. I feel like I have been forcing him to do things all of his life. Forcing him to give up the porn(which he really never did for me and he admitted it) forcing him to come home from work after a 10 hour day, forcing him to be involved with our daughter,(he was not involved with our son very much, they are not very close) if I ever did get an
apology, (very rarely) it was because I had to state exactly why, very precisely, where there was no way he could make an excuse not to apoligize. Again anyway, for 13 years after all the promises to give up the porn, all the tears, all the hurt feelings, all the lies, all the ignoring of my feelins about porn and priorites, he says those lies don't count (porn), that was 2 years agoin the past. Last night he also threaten to lie if porn came up in court and say I had a heroin and coccain addition. Then he said that I was sick,depressed, bored, our 14 year old daughter was driving me crazy and I need to go see a physciotrist. Side notes - we had a great sex life, very exciting, we have always had a great sexual desire for eachother. I thinks thats what kept me there, he did make me feel loved in that way, but sadly not in any other. He also is a good financial provider, I don't work, after 10 years of working, when my son 6 and our daughter was born I stayed home with the kids. I did go back to shcool when she started school and recievd my associated degree, worked this year as a substitute teacher, and wated to start int he fall to get a teaching degree. (I had very little helpw with anything domestic, while I was working or going to school) So what to do, leave, stay, divorce? After I read Dr. Hadleys aritcles and I look back at the porn, the way he has treated me over the years. He did admit on Sunday that he maybe had been emotional neglectful, but no apolgy, just was really nice the rest of the day. So the porn, the neglect, he never ever made me feel like #1 or never ever told me I was #1 without sharing that spot with his carrer. It's like I was dumb I believed him when he told me what I wanted to hear about the porn, but he tells me the truth about his priorities and I am so dumb I cna't believe what he is saying can be true? He says the porn does not matter since he hasn't done it in 2 years. (Although I did catch him downloading some porn to a disk 6 months ago.) I made him destroy it. Did he ever really love me?????????? Is he capable of loving me as in Dr. Harley's articles?
