Where to begin....I'll try to make it short & simple.

My H & I have been married almost 2 years. I am 32 and he is 25. In the beginning I was against the age difference...but we have so much in common and it's truly never been an issue. We've always had a wonderful relationship. Because I'm older...after discussing it, we decided it was time to start our family. Our daughter was born in April. Besides hormones and sleeplesss nights...the pure adjustment has been a true test of our marriage from both sides.

We did a little getaway for the day last weekend and had a heart to heart. He finally admitted that he felt he was too young for kids yet. (One thing I truly respect is...he's always been VERY honest). We also discussed our sex life....which is quite active considering we just had a baby. He admitted that he loves being married to me and loves our life together....and is even adjusting to being a father......but he has the desire to have sex with other women. That our sex is repetitous...and no matter how much spice we bring to the bedroom (and trust me, we've added plenty)....he still desires other women...and is in so many words looking for me to say "ok....you can be with someone else in the times you're bored with me."

I need advice. Is this something he'll "grow" out of....is this something basically resulting from the age difference......

All advice is welcome and much appreciated. Please help......

Hi and welcome to MB. You're certainly in the right place if you're looking for help. I suggest that you also start a new post under Emotional Needs as it gets more traffic.


Well, I'm his age, and I certainly don't feel a need to be with other people. My H is only 23 and he's never expressed an interest. I can't say if it's just a phase for your H, but it's most definitely a red flag...

Is there something specific that he's looking for that he thinks he might get with another woman? Maybe having SF in another location would satisfy the itch (like get a hotel room or something)?

Cat

nothing specific....just something different....change of pace.

I would like to slap him and remind him of his vows... But that's really not a solution.

Would he consider couselling?

I mentioned it the other day. Yes, he's open for counseling.

At this point....I'm just so lost.....truly everything has always been "perfect." Seriously, we (in 3 years) have probably had 4 arguments....we have a lot in common, ALWAYS together because we want to be....great sex life......supportive..... and as I explained to him, I feel like "i'm not good enough" all of a sudden and he keeps saying it has nothing to do with me.

(I also posted it again where you suggested...thx)

These statements don't reconcile. You claim he's honest, you had a discussion about children, he must've agreed, you have one, and now he's not sure? That doesn't sound like honesty to me. Or am I missing something?

As to the issue of will he "grow out of it"? My guess he'll grow out of it by having an affair or going off and doing exactly what he wants. He has an intersting view of those wedding vows.

Frankly, the fact that he's asking you about it, might even be a way for him to sound out how you're going to react when he tells you he already has...

He doesn't seem to see fidelity as a cornerstone of successful marriage. Does it have something to do with him being younger? Nope. Has something to with him having a lack of character... Read the material on this site about the damage infidelity does. And note the infidelity is considered one of the *most selfish* acts. Doesn't have anything to do with age or gender or anything.

It doesn't appear like you told him that you didn't find it acceptable and haven't gauged his response. Are you afraid of what's going to happen if you stand up for the institution of marriage?

And ultimately it isn't an issue of age at all, it's an issue of what's right. Do *you* believe it's OK for him to do this? Because if you do, then there's no real reason to continue. Do you believe that somehow your Marriage si going to be strengthened? That later on when your daughter is older and looks at you and says, why isn't daddy sleeping at home, and talks about all his other girlfriends, that you're going to be able to look her in the eye and tell her, "Honey, letting your H do whatever he wants is a *cornerstone* of a good marriage, and when you're grown up and married, you feel free to do the same, either by sleeping with other W's H's, or going out and banging anything that moves if you feel that urge"...

Get real.

I certainly don't condone it.....I'm seeking the advice of other people who have perhaps experienced similiar situations.....not looking to be chastized.

SO when you said all advice is appreciated, you really meant "tell me what I want to hear, and I'll appreciate hearing that".

One ?. How does his slumming around, for whatever reason make your marriage stronger? If you can answer that affirmatively, then you don't really have to worry about anything.

actually numerous other people shared their concerns, advice, etc. in a much calmer nature under another posting. As I appreciate you trying to give your version of advice, it's not necessary. Have a blessed life!

Jaye -
I wouldn't consider your reply to the original post advice. It was more like you preaching your opinion of the sitch and was full of assumptions about the person posting.