Well everyone,

After a few days of talk with Sprint, we are finally working on recovery and reconcilliation. Day one will begin in a few days as I return home. We have a long hard journey ahead of us and alot to work through with all his recent events, but I am optimistic of the future and I think for the first time in a long time he is optimistic as well.

One major problem in our marriage has been forums though - it was the breeding ground for both our affairs...and as much as I love MB, I do believe that giving up all forums for once and for all is best for us.

We use messenger for work, and that will be limited on my part, and hopefully his as well, but I have not discussed these things with him yet.

So I am saying goodbye to you all for real this time...and wishing you all the best.

You can always e-mail me at candice.louise@gmail.com and for those of you I already talk to via e-mail we will definately keep in touch.

-Dorry

Dorry,

Please look after yourself.
Have you worked out your boundaries?
Remember that you have had 7 more months to process this than Sprint has...
I hope you're planning to keep working on you.

Good luck!!!

DS

There are FORUMS and there are FORUMS

I suspect Sprint hates you using THIS forum because he feels it convicts him of his recent choices.

Do what you feels is best.

All blessings DS.

Dorry and Sprint,

God Bless, and God Speed. I promise by the end of the weekend to have the rest of the wive's responsibilities done on my thread. I have been hammered here the last few weeks and not had 2 minutes to myself. So, you can at least check back and get those final two installments.

You two need boundaries. I am not sure that taking out helathy forums such as this constitutes helping the marriage, but if a blanket boundary is what you need to keep either of you away from unhealthy forums, then go for it.

As JustLearning said to me as we entered recovery...seek professional help! This recovery stuff is NOT for amateurs. We have been up and down thru recovery for over two years now...and it has just been the last two months or so that things really have sunk in that we have pretty much gotten past things. It has been a long, slow road. That is why I think this forum would help both of you, because neither of you knows what is in store for you. And neither of you knows what the other is about to go thru. He is a WS...you can not relate. You are a BS...he cannot relate. It helped me immensely to be able to talk to others like me and keep a sanity check as I went thru this. I no longer need that now, as things have finally moved past the affair and even out of recovery. Out marriage is now moving forward.

But, whatever the two of you decide, then just know that there are prayers for you out here. And you can make it with God's direction...and both of your commitment.

In His arms.

Hey guys

Boundaries YES - there will be them.

Forums - this isn't Sprints decision - this is mine...we both have jobs online and on computers all day...but we then escape to our computers in the evenings - to forums to chat, to games...and it has been detrimental to our marriage. We need to start out with our family and eachother. It's one of my boundaries. And sadly - this forum becomes an escape too...for me it does. I can find myself spending more time on here than planned....and that is not good.

Sprint has agreed to come to church with us, and he is also starting IC. And we will start MC together either through the church or through a councellor at some point as well. I will be going back to my spiritual councellor now that i am going home.

I know that Sprint is 7 months ahead of me in processing my affair, and I am only 3 days into his, and I am not denying my pain or anger...I am just choosing to deal with them with God, and with my councellor when I return. I will not lash out at Sprint, as it is not constructive...and the few details I have hurt me enough, so I am no interested in more details. The basics have been discussed that are essential to our physical health, and the few emotional details I have are already too painful - i don't want to know more. I want to process this pain, let it run its course, learn from it, and focus on our future. As I said to Sprint...I know I will get through the pain, I have no doubts of that - but the timeline is something I can't comment on, as I have no clue how long healing will take...and he has accepted that.

And vice versa - Sprint is only 3 days post d-day, and I am 7 months post it. I do not know what emotions he will have to deal with, but if they are even half of what came up for me over the first 2 months, then he has a very hard road too.

At this point he was believing that on the day he left me - I contacted my OM and have been seeing him again <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> And that we both have alot of dishonesty to make up for. I told him the last time I was dihonest was way back in January when after 3 weeks of lying about details the truth all came out. I haven't lied since. The day Sprint left I opened my Yahoo Messenger for the first time in 6 months as I was adding it to Trillian, and his user name was on it. Sprint got an email as his servers report my traffic if it pertains to OM. I told Sprint right away and showed him.

I also opened a Gmail account when he left me, as he wanted to legalize the seperation and all my other emails went through the server which he monitored, and I wanted to be able to discuss some things regarding the seperation with my parents privately.

These two actions convinced him I was meeting up with OM again. I assured him I was not, and my parents vouched for me, as I have not left this house once without them in the 3 weeks I have been here, not made phone calls without them knowing, nor even come online without telling them what I have done, except one night to go to the Opera with my graphic designer - the opera was a client of ours (graphic designer is a high school friend).

I think for the first time in a long time, we have the same goal finally. I am sad though that it took Sprints actions to get him to the same place.

I am well aware we are at day one all over again...and we will have a 6 month point too again...and there will ups and downs...but I am entering this as a STRONG CHRISTIAN woman this time, with new ways to cope with God at my side...with confidence. I am entering this not because I NEED Sprint, but because I WANT Sprint. And that is a HUGE thing for me to differentiate - I could easily move on here - I have the kids registered, a car now, started looking for jobs...Realizing after 7 months of progress on my end, things will keep progressing and I will be great either way. And it is my CHOICE to reconcile...it's what I want. And I go in knowing I can live without him...but that I don't WANT to. And let me tell you - knowing that makes it a little easier to work around the pain when it hits. I sit in prayer, sometimes 20 minutes, sometime 4 hours...until I have processed the pain and come out with peace. And I know right now the waves come often, but I know with God's help they will come less and less. And with God's help, I will not lash out at Sprint, or punish him. It's not up to me.

I am a RWS and he is a FBS, now I am also a BS and he is a WS - adds so much to the mix of recovery - but for the first time in months, our goal is the same...and that's a GREAT first step.

-Dorry

Continued prayers for you Dorry!