Well it has been 4 months now with virtually no contact with WW except for when I called her Mother’s day weekend when she was coming to my town to tell her that she could not stay with me and one night recently she called at midnight, I was asleep and answered by reflex. She was complaining that youngest son who is in college does not have a phone. I told her I would get him a cell phone and hung up the phone. I do hear from the children who volunteer information that she now has a job and is supporting herself. But I am moving on with out her. I can’t see myself going back into that relationship. Multiple affairs are too much for me to handle now. I tried to save my marriage but it just didn’t work. It is what it is. So for me the chaos has ended. I do get lonely at times especially at night. I am still very angry at the way she chose to end our marriage but I am falling out of love with her, quickly now. I will not let her disrespect me ever again.

hopeful -

Glad to hear things are going well with you. Yes, it is very lonely AT FIRST. But it does get better.

Try to go out with friends, neighbors, whoever. You can volunteer, get busy in different activities, get out and do things. I was quite sad and miserable at first, but I forced myself to do things. Now I have times where I just want to be alone. It takes a little while to get rolling, but your life will be good again. I promise.

Believer you always come through for me. Thanks for the reply. It looks like from my perspective that the marriage is over and that is OK. I tried my best and it just didn't work. So it is what it is. I will move on and be happy no matter what comes my way. By the way the women are looking good these days.

Hopeful -

Well, I'm on my way to divorce. I never wanted to do it, but after almost 3 years of this, finally lost my love for my WH. I don't even think about him anymore, and wish him well.

Last fall, I did volunteer work at my hospital, with the casualties from Fallujah. It was a life-changing experience for me. These guys came back wounded and hurting, and their wives came from all over the country to be with them.

I especially remember one young wife. She was 8 months pregnant, and came from the bay area. She only had the money to fly into LA, and then hitchhiked to get down here. She arrived with the clothes on her back.

The wives just moved into their husband's rooms. The staff looked the other way.

Yes, they are young and still starry-eyed. But it made me rethink my whole relationship. I'm going to have something like that, or nothing.

So hang in there. There are tons of women who deserve a good man. Don't worry, they will find you. But it would help if you get out once in awhile.

HINC, I am so glad to hear you are doing well. And so proud you didn't cave on Plan B! Way to go! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Melody Lane, I have wanted to cave many times but haven't. It is hard at times and other times not hard at all. The thing for me is the way she chose to end the marriage. I would have respected her more if she would have just said she wasn't happy and divorced me. Oh well....

HINC, I think you have a very bright future ahead of you. There are so many nice ladies out there who would appreciate a guy with your attributes. Any thoughts on divorce at his point?

hinc!

I'm so glad to hear that you are taking that stand I like to see people take in their lives.Good for you!

I too will say that after some time,the pain of falling *out of love with my WH went away and I truly feel that I don't love him anymore.I feel so free.It's like the time before my WH.No pianful partner in my life and I had my whole life ahead of me to enjoy.Try to rediscover yourself hinc during this time.That is what I am doing.Lost joys,hobbies,time to myself.

I can understand your loneliness.It's normal and I truly think it will pass.You're a good man hinc.You will be ok no matter what. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

O

Thanks Melody Lane and Octobergirl. To answer your question..yes I think about divorce much more these days than the beginning of this mess. I have lost all respect for her and I know I would never be able to trust her. A relationship without trust and respect just doesn't go with me. So after the state mandated waiting perion which could be in September or it could be the first of next year, remember I invited her home for Thanksgiving and Christmas, I will divorce her and I will move and find me a partner that has the same values as me... Honesty,trust, respect and faithfullness and she will like me for me.

Hey HINC,

Thanks for the update...letting us know how you are doing. I am glad to hear you are managing and safe in Plan B....Plan B is definitely about peace for the BS and that peace is sooooooo precious.....I am really proud of you that you have stayed dark.....and have not chosen to expose yourself to pain....moth to the flame will get burnt.

I bet WS reflects on the mistakes she made and what could have been....it is a shame she remains in the fog...the Plan B letter says it all....you wanted to work on the marriage....but now you are moving on.....

I hope you take time to have fun....have you considered joining a club or taking a class. You have come along way since a year ago...you have worked on you, HINC...hold your head up high...you did all that you could to show the path to a better marriage...you were devoted and loving....but now further down the line...someone will be the lucky recipient of your affection....you have learned so much here as I have..the pain was not for naught....and whatever happens...we are better, stronger people because of our experience. Go in peace in HINC....all blessings...ss

What a heartfelt message SureSurvivor thank you. You are right, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. The next woman in my life will be recepiant of all that I have learned from this. What a lucky woman she will be. I will not make the same mistakes with her and I hope and pray that she will be the kind of person I need in my life. Faithfullness, honesty, respect and compassionate are my dreams for the next partner in my life. I will find a woman that values these attributes as do I.