Im a new at this, so hopefully someone can give me some advise. Me and my husband have been married for 8 months. Overall its been a great marriage. We enjoy the same things, we have so much fun together. But of course there are its times when its not so good. My husband is in a heavy metal band. Which is his goal in life. To make it "BIG". Even though that is his DREAM... I somewhat dont agree with it. There are things that I have to deal with that I dont want to deal with. For example... All the girls that approch him (groupies is the term I like to use). I am a jealous person, so that doesnt exactly go well with me. And when I get upset he tells me "DEAL WITH IT!" When it comes time to record their CD, he will be in the studio for up to 8 hours a day. He will go to the studio at 6:00pm and not get home till 3:00 in the morning. I dont agree with that, but if i say something it starts a fight, and when I ask him to comprimise with me and be home earlier, he gets upset and says "why does it always have to be the way you want it" Sometimes I feel that he pushes me away, for his "band." We own a house, I have two jobs to make what I need to survive. He only has one job (not a good paying one at that), when I asked him to get another job he replied "I dont have time, I have a band!" Im not sure who is in the wrong here, if its me or him??????

Welcome to MB. You have come to the right place for help. First, though, I would like to suggest that you post in the Emotional Needs forum as well, as it gets more traffic.

Have you read the material on the site?


You'll notice as you read more that finding a happy place in your marriage is not about blame, so it's not helpful to try to decipher who is "wrong".

Also keep in mind that you can only change yourself and the reactions that you have to other people. You cannot change other people, not even your H.

Is he open to discussion about your situation? If you were to print out some information regarding the Policy of Joint Agreement (POJA, never do anything without the enthusiastic agreement of your spouse, more information as you explore the site) would he go over it with you?

Does he know that you're having issues with the current state of your relationship?

Are there any kids in the equation?

Cat

We DONT have any kids. I have tried to tell him how i feel about the situation but he doesnt listen, gets upset, says that my feelings are stupid, and then tells me to "DEAL WITH IT!" My husband has a very short temper. So the littest things make him made. I aviod the confintation on the situation because I dont want to start a fight. See why I need advise??