have been applying the mb stuff. wh came home saw that the grass was mowed and asked who did it i said that i did. his response i'll be [email]Dam@#$.[/email] and kinda laughed. during this conversatio i was getting dressed and he stood outside the bedroom door looking at me put my clothes on. do you think he is realising what he is missing out on or what. i had planned to walk through the livingroom in my underwear but he was a little slow to get in the house. also daughter hugged him before he left and asked him to come home. he replied that he loved her but nothing about coming home. he paused at the door and waited for about 5min before he said my name and told me goodbye. i am just showing him what he is missing out on and that i am recovering. i don't ask him to come home or even discuss or relationship. he knows how i feel and what i want so the ball is in his court. am i doing this correctly. i think he is afraid but he needs to work through those feelings. this would be easier to do if he was at home. its really hard with him out of the house.it would also be a big help if he would come with me to see my counsler. hes really good and is directing me on the steps to take. my anger has passed so he can't push my buttons anymore i think that is getting to him. also told him that i love him but that i didnot need him. was that a mistake?

just returned from my moms after dropping off the oldest child to have a sleep over with the cousins. i have noticed some have looked at this post but 0 replies. i would really like to know if i am headed in the right direction. its really hard to plan a when he isn't around but i ahve been less avaiable to him he called while i was at mom's but i haven't called him back he only spent 30 min with the kids and had to leave something about having to be some where at 5. well i am still muddling through. i have been reading through e-mails he sent before d-day and i really think he would like to repair our relationship. i ahd suggested filing for a d on 1 of july but he back peddled on that one really fast.and then agreed to see how things go. i just want to try to close the distance between us

Telling him you love him, but don't need him is a GREAT move. Then continue working towards that goal. Whatever happens, you will be better off.

I got really busy, did everything, detailed the car, cleaned the house sparkling, did the yard, planted a garden, organized, did volunteer work, went out with friends, neighbors, workmates.

What happened for me, is that I was happier without my husband. But you can bet he noticed that my changes.

@#$%%% well i believe in the alien theory now. this morning wh had the nerve to call and jump me for something i hadn't said. instead od exercising a little sense he assumed that i had done it.i did not cry of yell. i just plainly spelled it out for him that is not what i said and woul have never said it to the person who i was to have said it to. the turkey knows that i would never be malicious to a family member and he persisted to that aim at me.talked to his mom after and did cry his accusion of me really hurt me. she also told me that he was starting to talk to her. i did not pry but she has suggested that he go with me to see my counsler to help resolve some of these issues. oh an he talked th dd11 who told him she didn't want to move, leave her friends,school, or get a new dad.he thinks that i put her up to it and i didn't. i explained that daddy and i were having problems and were trying to work things out. but we may have to move for money reason and that set her off. she has been spending a lot of time with my twin neices who have dealt with this stuff for 2 year when thier dad left thier mom so they have been talking to her about it and my dd is very reserved about speaking about stuff unless she feels threatened and she did the other night. i'm afraid all the good i did the last week has been undone? i am in need of support

No, you are on the right path, Joanna. You explained you weren't saying the things that were being told to WH. Now you can explain that your daughter is of an age where she has friends and cousins whose parents are divorced and she is making her own judgments of what she wants for herself. She wants her mom and dad together. That's natural. Tell him how you have been trying to remain neutral because you know she is at a tough age for this.

If he doesn't hear, well, it's that alien lame brain stuff going on.

But you keep moving on with your life while he sorts out his. And if he starts winding his way back home the two of you will have plenty to talk about, starting with how to help DD deal with everything that has happened.

~ Snow

i am just unsure as to if i am doing the right thing if we could talk human to human i think it would help. but right now he ain't exactly human. everytime we talk he turns it on me and smacks me around me and it tough to just smile and take it. he is treating me like the enemy and i haven't done anything to prevoke it. i have quit calling him, i don't beg him to come home, haven't mentioned the mc or any type of guilt trip either. i don't make demands with him and he says that he feels pulled toward me. tells me he loves me but its not enough to fix the problems. go figure. i am really lost. he continues to speak of us as a couple yrt he is barely even here, refers to me as his wife. but rejects attempts to fill en. doesn't want to spend time with just me. but wants to be here on all his days off. see what i mean.