This is my first post, but I have read a lot here over the past couple of months. (I've cross-posted from 'In recovery')
Dday was April 20, 2005. WH left home on the night of the 15th, and spent the weekend with the OW. They met in February, and began the affair in early March. He immediately broke off contact, and has not seen or spoken to her since. We moved out of state in May. We have 2 children, 1 and 5, and have been married 8 years. He has also admitted to a one night stand in May of last year, and an EA in Nov-Dec of last year.
I struggle on a daily basis with the betrayal, the lies, and the pain. We have been connecting much more since d-day and talking about how to make things better between us. We began MC before we moved, but due to a difficult financial situation, we have not found a counsellor here.
I need him so much, and I want us to regain the closeness we once had. He has been trying so hard to regain my trust, by being open to me snooping, by answering my questions honestly, by trying to be sensitive to when I'm sad or angry about things. I guess I just want to hear from some of you- I feel like my head's not screwed on straight. Ask me anything...I'm just trying to figure out if I'm kidding myself in thinking this will ever be a sad memory, rather than a searing pain in my heart. I feel like I'm sabotaging by bringing it up (yes, in anger - lovebusting, I know...), but it's difficult to talk about without him being defensive, and feeling as though we should just focus on rebuilding our marriage, rather than rehashing the past.
Help?
J, BS

You need to see a doctor and get on antiDs. You are too new to the situation to even begin to be not on a rollercoaster.

This takes time. It does become easier, if your husband is a willing partner in recovery.

(((hugs)))

Thanks for the hugs BrambleRose. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I was on AD's for the past 2 years, and part of the reason that the issues that led up to the A's were not addressed earlier was that the drugs made me feel numb- I knew that we were falling apart, and yet I couldn't cry, or even feel anger about what was going on. I stopped taking them in February, and finally started to come out of the foggy world I was existing in.

Well...I'm not a doctor. But different antiDs affect people differently. Maybe something else might work better for you. If you are just now learning to cope with the real world emotions AND dealing with the betrayal of the affair, you need some sort of help.

This is too much to do alone hun. Be patient with yourself, you can't heal major trauma overnight.

Thanks BR. I'll think about it. I'm afraid of going back to not feeling. I just don't know if I ever saw my husband for the person he has shown himself to be over the past 2 years- I don't trust myself to make the right decisions regarding our future together. I guess a lot of the pain comes from knowing that he will never truly know the depth of what he has done. The very foundation of what I thought was true and right about the world has been shaken. I guess I'm preaching to the choir though, huh? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Just my opinion...but I think 6 months before making life altering decisions is a good idea. You don't *have* to decide anything right now.

And no, your husband will never really know, but he can get a pretty good idea. My husband has a pretty good idea. I still hear expressions of regret and remorse every now and then, and its been 4 years.

Your life *will* return to normal everyday grind soon enough. The pain will ease and you'll find out that you were strong enough to make good decisions. Hang in there.