Oh yeah, and swade, why are WW's parents keeping mum? You want her to know they know and they should feel free to express their support of the marriage to her face. This is what she needs to hear, that important people in her life think she is screwing up but it's not too late to make an about-face.

Urge your in-laws to come down on their daughter.

~ Snow

Her mom did call her out on the affair and she denied it!!! I even showed a text mess. to back my accusations. I think her mom does not want to ruin any more of their distance relationship. Up until this exposure they were very close - now her parents are just closing their eyes!!!

She thinks her father hates all women - BIG MESS - If she would handle this conflict it would make my life SOOOOO much easier.

Good ides on contacting the boss I am already on it.

Good luck, swade. Let us know what happens. G'night!

~ Snow

Well I exposed it to her boss and by the way he acted it as like he knew about it. He told me that it was non of his business what his people did and did not want to here about it. I feel like I made a big mistake - He will now call her and tell her of my actions and the SH-- is going to hit the fan. Or maybe now that exposure has taken place she will understand that I am not taking any more of this.

I just lost total respect for her boss located in NC.

It just does not seem that I am able to rally any support for the family cause.

Can someone stop this world and let me off - I am getting tired.

What next

I am so sorry swade. How about her sibblings?? Girlfriends? If this does not help you may need to go into plan B. You may want to start on plan B letter and just prepare yourself.

If anyone has any good effective plan B letters please let me know. To be used as a guide.

I am not going to go into plan B yet because she is still showing a lot of conflict. If I remain strong, Loving, Emotional supportive maybe the OM will throw in the towel before me - I can prevail!

My plan for Plan B is implementing in 1/1/06. Divorce court will take place in march or latter of 2006 depending on the back log.

I should have warned you, swade, that some bosses have the exact attitude you described. But now he has talked with you and he has seen that you sincerely want to make your marriage work. If he's watching this affair from afar he'll notice when things don't jive (i.e. her story vs. your story). This can still put pressure on her in ways you can't imagine. Indirectly, his knowing can put a damper on things. Boss knows, others will likely know now. The little secret is in the open. And that is ideal.

She'll be upset if her boss calls her and says you felt it necessary to call him. He might tell her to keep her private life to herself (that would be embarrasing, no? LOL!!) She might yell at you. Just say, to the effect, "I knew I was risking making you angry, but I can't live with the 'secret' of your affair anymore. I was hoping he might be able to make you see that you might suffer professionally because of OM. I have no influence on you; I thought others might."

No apologies to her. This isn't YOUR secret. You can tell anyone you like and she has to accept the shame and embrassment as fallout. It's there. You didn't cause it to happen. But there it is just the same.

Hang in there.

~ Snow

BTW, there are Plan B samples available. Can somebody please post a link for swade?

~ Snow

Thank you Snowbelle!!!!

If he did contact her she is keeping quiet. no calls as of yet.

At about 7:00 tonight I sent her a text message thanking her for a favor she did for me (prior to the exposure) and included some loving expressions to fill her emotional needs.

Update

I called her this evening and asked her and the kids out to dinner. She has the kids this week. She told me that she was probably not going to eat but I could take the out. So I did - Of course we went to McDonalds.
When I picked them up nothing was mentioned about the exposure to her boss as well as when I took them back. It was kind of eerie????

She used to call three or four times a day either to Bit--or just to talk. Now she does not call at alleven when I have the kids...

I have composed a letter expressing my commitment to her and our marriage and I plan to put it in a card and give it to her tomorrow. This is not a Plan B letter cutting all communications. It is more of an expression of my emotions and love and apology for my actions which led to the separation.

Should I lay off and give her space after she gets this letter. More or less to allow her to think about her actions and life or continue to pour it on?

swade, I would discuss your exposures with her and make sure she knows you have exposed her to her boss and her parents. In the meantime, keep up with your Plan A. Don't lay it on too thick, just tell her you will do what it takes to save your marriage.

Is the affair ended? Did you find out if the OM is married? Who is he? Can you call him and call his parents?

The Other man is not married. His name is john P and he lives in Gastonia NC. I do know his cell phone # I don’t think I should call him I am trying to track his parents but he lives about a hour away.

I don't think the Affair has ended but I honestly don't know when they meet. They are both sales reps in two different territories. I think they have laid off the contact "Togetherness". I think he is stringing her alone via text message and phone conversations.

Any sugestions?

Yes,I would suggest calling him and asking him what his intentions are for your wife. Tell him you have spoken to upper level management at his company and have exposed his affair. This may shake him up to realize that there is a living, breathing victim at the other end of his affair. It is not just all fun and games. He is likely not even serious about your W and your contact will shake him up. He might dump her if he thinks there is going to be trouble.

And in the meantime, I would also notify his parents as soon as you get that info. This will let him know you are not a man to be taken lightly.

I'm confused

I would love to call him - but in reading other post it has been discouraged. I agree not all situations are the same. If I call him and even if I am extremely nice (dought full) he will most likely call her and tell her that I am harassing him and make me look like the A-- Hole (which I probably would be.

Swade, well I am encouraging you to call him. This is advice that Steve Harley has given forum members in the past with good results. I really don't care what you read in another thread. And yes, one of the goals is for the OM to call your W. That is the goal. It is to cause trouble in the affair. When you call, you must not be an [censored]. You simply ask what his intentions are very politely, but very firmly. Tell him you are working on your marriage with your W and would appreciate it if he would leave her alone.

Thank You

I would love to call and I will keep it very polite and FIRM

swade, your W won't like it, but that is ok. What is more important is that the OM won't like it. It will shake him up. When she calls up screaming about it, just remain calm but firm and resolved. Tell her you are sorry she is upset but you will do what it takes to save your marriage and don't let her bait you into a fight.

Swade,

Be sure to let us know how it goes. Be resolved to weather the WW's storm and keep this in mind: you are doing what is necessary to save your marriage.

~ Snow

Well Exposure has taken place.

Wow is she MAAADDD!!!!!!

But I did write her a nice letter expressing my love with a nice card.

She is accusing of me trying to hurt her in her job and is insisting that I have. I don't see how because all I told her boss was that I loved her and was going to support her and save our marriage. It more then likely got a little spin when he called her. She contacted her Atty. and I got a letter today stating that I was jeopardizing her Job with my actions. In a way I feel like I REALLY MESSED UP> But I guess Time Will Tell.

I think it did put a damper on the OM and their relationship.

What do I do to repair the relationship at this Point - Lay calm and out of sight to let her think or continue to pour it on.

Very good. Once a damper is put on their relationship, she will be more interested in working on the marriage. Right now I would let her think, and you stay calm. Of course she will probably continue to pour it on.

Whatever she says, let her know that you are going to fight for the marriage. Don't argue, just repeat as necessary.