suggestions needed... WH is now texting me (sounding anxious), asking if I heeded his request not to meet S today. I said I did go see S as I needed the form to be signed urgently.

Then he asked about whether S asked me anything, or did I tell him anything. He just needed to know.

What shld I reply???!!
I don't feel there's a need to tell him every single detail of what our meeting entailed.

~A

Ash,

First I'd tell him to pick up the phone and call me rather than pecking away on a phone texting each other.

Normally I'd say not to offer the info about S to your H, but since your H asked directly...I would tell him you talked.

I would tell him "Yes, S asked me some things and I told him some things but I feel uncomfortable telling you....YOU should really discuss them with S."

He'll probably freak out and say how could you after I asked you not to and that the marriage is over...blah, blah, blah.

But he will have to face some consequences of his actions.

Good luck with the job.

God Bless

Doug

hi d, thanx for the suggestion. It was a good 'answer' and I'll prob use it. I was cracking my head as what to say w/o sounding overly sarcastic!

WH is a CA... he is in 'runaway' mode and has avoided speaking / seeing me and the only correspondences he resorts to are emails and TMs.

Before his TM's he didn't say I couldn't speak to S.. he said he preferred that I didn't. And that he was the one who wronged me so I had the right to tell anyone I wanted. (abit of a WS babble)

I have a gut feel he's anxious abt this meeting coz he's thinking I've asked S to fire the OW. hee hee

I haven't replied him yet.. I've sat on his anxious TM overnite.

~A

Today I got this email from WH

"Sorry to bother you on this issue. I wish to get this matter behind me so that I will move on and as I will be traveling quite a bit and may not be in town regularly. Can you ask your lawyer to speed up the deed and set the separation date back to 15th June 2005 instead of the 1st Aug 2005?
This is because I feel that since that was the date I stop staying in the house. So it should be.

I am very sorry for all that have happen but I don’t wish to look back and regret. Since I have made the decision then I want to start and rebuild from where I am. Please continue to sms or email me regarding your dad & mom and the family. I will do my best to listen and advise or help.

Please let me know what your lawyer said. Thanks."


I think OW has been pressuring him to do it quick, so they can make their A public, and he can probably have an excuse to tell his employees/ friends/ family abt his rel'ship with her, and the breakdown in the marriage.

I told him I'll speak to my lawyer and I hope he'll find what he's looking for.

~A

Well, let him make it public, then. That's when most affairs blow up, anyway.

Is he living with her?

Alph.

That's true, Alph

I have not asked... previously, no. But now that he's getting his own apartment, I would think they WOULD be living together.

Still, WH is deep in denial and being a CA, I doubt he'll ever come out of the fog any time soon.

By then, I don't know where I'll be!!!

I start work tomorrow!!!! At least I have something more to do and keep my mind and spirit towards moving on.

~A

Excellent news about starting work - the best thing you could possibly do, IMO. Remind me what you'll be doing?

I wonder if my WH will ever come out of the fog, too. Still, it's not for us to worry about any more. Nothing we can do to change them, just move on with our own lives positively.

Alph.

Oh there's a change, I just got a call.. they want me to start on 1 August.. so i'll be up to my own devices for awhile yet.. and posting on this board! Haha.

Meanwhile, I'll continue to send out more resumes .. just in case there's another better offer.

The one that said they'd like me to work for them (now on 1 August), is an accounting firm. They want me to take over the corporate secretarial work and do abit of accounting/ tax work also. It's full-time freelance, and I get paid a small basic pay + profit share based on billings. So there's a potential for income growth. I think.


~A

Just pondering -- any others with input/ thoughts I'd like to hear them

It is said that having the A go public tend to coz the A to blow up... but we've seen on these board that many of these A's go on for years. So I was wondering if in some cases, the public exposure coz some of the people involved in the A to be emboldened instead of shying in secret. Friends/ relatives around them adapt to their A.. and later may even accept them as the legit rel'ship. The secrecy of the A gets forgotten.

I wonder if it's more of the two people being with each other day in day out and being in a real-life (vs fantasy) rel'ship that causes it to be blown up in many cases -- more so than the exposure per se?

~A

Today's supposed to be the day WH wants to officially move out. He hasn't contacted me in the last 2 days to say what time he's coming, etc.

The last I heard from him (email) was him chasing for the final sep deed to be drafted.

My lawyer has been away so I told him we have to wait for abit. Besides, I want my lawyer to review it to ensure my interests are in the best order as well.. so to rush it is not a good idea.

WH thinks that by signing the deed, he can move on and not regret. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Today, I'm going to get my testimonials and certificates notarised, and then I will submit my application to be a Certified Pub Accountant. Wish me luck people. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I dunno if today will be a tough day if WH decides to pack up all his stuff. I'll prob need support from MB-ers if I happen to be an absolute mess later on. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> So far, I've been pretty stoic and sometiems I feel as if I'm running on auto-pilot.

~A

well, my lawyer's just come back to me with our draft sep.. I'm looking thru it now.

Guess it seems I wld most prob be legally sep'd by next week or so.



~A

Hi Ashley.

How are you doing today? It's a lovely morning here...

Alph.

It's v. grey and cloudy here today!

I think I'm alittle fatigued due to the stress the last few months. I tend to feel tired more easily even tho' I do sleep at nite, but I think it's not a full restful sleep.

Other than that, I psyche myself to take little steps forward everyday and deal each day as it is.

How you doing today?

~A

I am doing good, thanks.

I am feeling much better on the ADs. I just wish I would stop changing my mind about everything. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I don't sleep too good either. I wake up a lot, and find it hard to get back to sleep. It's so light here, very early on, which doesn't help. I think I need to get some blackout curtains in my bedroom!

Alph.

Alph .. Inside my head, I change my mind tons of times too...

It goes something like : "I give up...- maybe that's hope -- no, I think I give up...! But then ..."

Well you know how it goes <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
So I just do whatever nice things I can for myself every day. I guess it'll be easier when I start work.


~A

Journalling... Dunno if anybody reads my thread or not, but it feels good to type out my thoughts!

Lately, as we've been checking/ opening the mailbox regularly rather than leaving it to WH when he was living here, we noticed lots of bills all addressed to his name. Prob his cr cards/ car loans, what nots…. etc

I opened some which were obviously household stuff like utilities/ phone, etc. Last month, I noticed there was a mobile phone number he was paying for that was unfamiliar. Some yrs back, I knew he was paying for his mom's phone. The bill for that number was exhorbitant! Lots of 1900 calls and talk time.

Today, a pink notice came in for the phone bill. He has paid our landline, ADSL and my mobile phone bill (fortunately), but his "mom's phone bill" was left unpaid. It was quite a substantial amt.


Together with some other expenses which I know he's still struggling to pay out of his own pocket every month, I sit and wonder HOW he cld ever afford to rent his friend's apartment. Not a room -- an APARTMENT! He is deep in debt! Unless OW is footing half. Although, I do know her pay isn't that much either!

I really wonder when reality will bite him in the a$$. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />


~A

Update.. After many days of silence, WH texted me this morn to ask me how my family was. As expected, it was a cautious interlude to his next TM - i.e. he wanted to move out his stuff this afternoon.

I was out of the house and I told him fine. Later, he dropped me so many TMs. I have never received so many TM's from him before in ONE DAY. It was about the transfer of ownership of the mobile phone a/c, internet, cable, etc etc. How he changed the phone plan to something cheaper and better, etc etc. All very nice, very civil.

But he didn't come by the house to collect his stuff again today. I think he'd come by tomorrow. I don't know if I'd be home to see the GREAT MOVE.

He also replied to my email about the joint a/c that we had. I wanted him to go to the bank and we'll sign the form together so that money can only be drawn out if both signatories are present. We can't close the a/c as it is related to the morgage/ loan a/c.

He said it was not necessary if I trust him. And he promised me that he won't touch that a/c anymore.

TRUST?? PROMISE???

I told him that I so very much want to trust him again but In the light of recent events, if he were me, would he trust him???

If we had agreed to rebuild our rel’ship again and re-work on the trust issues together, it would be easier for me to say I can begin to trust you again. However, he was choosing to leave less than 1 week after D-Day! So there is hardly a base/ foundation now for me to regain trust.

As for your promise that he will stop using the a/c, I told him I wanted to believe that too. I believed our marriage vows that we took and what has become of that now? What other promises that he gives me or to others will now hold true?

I also said I wldn't know if one day, OW would have access to any of the bank a/cs/ password/ internet access and siphon money out frm the joint a/c. WH has only known her “well” for some months and she has shown herself to be a very willing party to break up a family and steal someone’s husband. I’ve known WH for 17 years and yet I’ve been lied to.

I don't think he'll be happy with my email reply - that's for sure. And being the CA he is, he'd go hiding/ avoiding all over again!

~A

OK it's done.. he's packed up most of his stuff and moved out. Funny thing is he finally revealed his friend's apartment his renting is just round the corner from where I am

I have actually remained really calm and civil when he packed up his stuff in almost a hurry.

And.. he has lost ALOT of weight. My mom thinks he's not doing very well at all. I told her .. his choice.

~A

Hey Ashley.

I guess it's kind of a relief that part is over.

Must be strange to know that he's still so close, though.


Was he slim before all this happened? Or is the pressure making him sick?

I just wonder because my WH has had a 'beer belly' for a while. It's not getting smaller! (One of the strongest indicators to me that he is still drinking). If your WH is losing weight and can't afford to do so, then he's certainly not a happy chappy.

My WH is eating, drinking and being merry with OW. And smoking! Who the heck is this guy - I don't know.

Thinking of ya,

Alph.

Yes, in fact, I feel v. relieved. The limbo situation was nerve-wrecking.

He has always been a tall slim kind of person. When I knew him back in the day, he was really skinny. Then, he put more weight and fleshed out after we met and got married. Now, he was almost back to when I first met him.

My mom thinks it's coz he's got no money, can't sleep, hasn't got enough to eat, etc... Nope, he's not a happy chappy. His eyes look very haunted. Like a ghoul. *shudder*


~A