Ok my husaband has always had very diffrernt work values then I do. he makes his job number one prioity and has always done anything they ask at the drop of a hat!! let me give you a bit of background about his job.

he works about an hour from home. he has worked there about 7 years. he gets paid a lot less then when he first worked there. they do things backword. they treat their employees like crap. they offer nothing exer (like 401 etc) they screw over their employees on a daily basis.

his job has been a major conflict for a LONG time!! b/c when he is unhappy there he is miserable at home. and that is w here he had meet ow. he also woould work overtime etc for nothing while on salary even though he didnt actually "have to" .

Now lets fastforward to this past 2 months. Frist ow does not work there hasnt in about 6 months Well he has wanted to quit for about 2 months he has been begging me to just let him quit (he cant monatary reasons) but ive been helping him apply etc for jobs.. he was working less then ever going in late every day and coming home early.

then about a week ago it all changes: the manager a bove him also a good firend . Quits. without noitce or anything. and th eonly other manager besides my husband is in another stat training other managers. So.... my husband is asked to work a different scheadule: mon-fri. (it has never worked in the past b/c he ends up never seeing the kids b/c he has to elave an hour earlier and gets home an hour later. plus the amount we spned in gas!!) but he said he'd do it for 3 weeks until the other guy comes back. but promised me he wouldnt work overtime.... WELL Wed. night corporate is in town and guess what he had to work 2 hours over time. but promised he'd get off early on friday to take our older DD to the movies...

Then Thursday. he had to work 1/2 late. Then yesterday he was supposed to get off at like 3/4 so we could have our baby sitter babysit and go to the moveis .. WELL he emails me and says i can only get off at 5 plus i have to go to work tommorow for four hours.. b/c there is no manager on sat. WELL we are throwing a big party on sunday and i need help doing all the 150 things that need to be done for that.. plus the kids have never gone this much without seeing him even when he dident live here.

Now i know it has nothing to do with OW> he is just feeling obligated to his job. but its hard for me to handle things had been going sooo good with us but its hard fro me to be happy and in agreement with him missing out on his daughters time off during the summerand all our family things. then last night we kinda got in an argue ment b/c i asked if he talked wtih them to see what they plan on doing for the next sat. b/c we have plans all other sat this month. and he said no even thoguht he promised he would. he can not stand up to his work. and 2 weeks ago he was begging for a new job and applying everywhere no hes going to work work and work .... i dont get it.


my major problems is how do i deal with this. i feel sick about it b/c my kids are missing him like crazy!! i do fun things with them but still its not the same and i'm a bit mad he doesnt stand up .and the rollercoaster makes me sick how he hated his job was mad he ocudlnt just quit. now he loves it and works so hard and so much( he still says he wansts to quit but he doesnt act like it. i know if i didnt want to work at a place i would not be working every day there. he has only been home with the kids 1 day in the past 2 [email]weekd@@@[/email] usually hes home with them 3 1/2 days a week! its a big difference.

Any suggestions?

My ML,

Something to keep in mind is men and women treat their jobs differently. For men, it's a status symbol while for a woman, it's a means to pay the bills. I recall when my H lost his contract (he was an independent consultant) and didn't work for over a year, he was devastated, became depressed and withdrew from everyone and everything he knew - including me. This is not to justify your H not spending time with his family, but rather to give you some important perspective.

Also, you mentioned that he can't simply quit his job and look for another due to monetary reasons. With this, what options does he really have? It sounds like he HAS to keep working, and that's a lot of pressure on 1 person - man or woman. I was caught in the same situation in my last job too. Since my H couldn't find a job, I had to carry the load. And, even though I absolutely LOATHED what I did, I didn't have the time to even look for a job b/c I was working 12-16 hours a day, nearly 7 days a week! I eventually just had to quit my old job and start looking. Fortunately, I was able to find another (far better) job within a few days, but it still was very scary time for us.

Lastly, I don't know what line of work he's in, but I know many jobs that when the employer asks a salaried employee to work overtime and the employee doesn't comply, he/she will lose the job. Most of us have employment that requires overtime with no additional pay.

Again, I'm not trying to justify your H's actions, but, at the same time, you really need to look at his position too.

With this, I would recommend that you and your H sit down and discuss this issue (uninterrupted). Remember, LB's will only put him on the defense. You must show him why it's important for him to cut down his hours and be with the family. If his current job doesn't allow it, then the 2 of you must come up with some joint solution that will allow him to look for a job. Keep in mind that by telling him he needs to get another job is not going to work. It's like telling someone to dig a trench, but there are no tools. Can you work full or part-time for a while so that you have some discretionary income so that he can look for antoher job? Can you help him write and send out his resume? Can you help him schedule his interviews? Can you help with some of his chores so that he can have more free time do find another job? Note: I actually found my H's next contract b/c he became so depressed and withdrawn, he didn't have any inclicnation to look for another job, and I knew the only thing that would get him on his feet is another job. Weird how people work, but that's just how it is.

Give that a shot, and don't get discouraged. If he really cares about the family like you say, he'll work on this. You may just need to give him some options.

Good luck!