I am doing fine. Had absolute worst date of my life a week ago and lived to tell it. But all's ok in peachville. My son and I will go to pool in a bit but had to add this here...for all of us on the d'd side of the fence here..who walked the Mb walk, did all we could do...and still our WS went off the edge and we had to get the Big D.

And this is especially for those whose WS married the OP.

Last month, after school let out, my xh said he was not going to pay for summer camp for my son while I worked....again, he's supposed to as per the legalese. He said that he'd let familyvalues, his wifeypoo and former ow, watch my son during the day at his house so my son could relax more. And since I could not afford to pay for it as I am rebuilding after his financial dessimation of me 2 years earlier and a bankruptcy, I reluctantly agreed. Now don't worry about me. I have a great job. Am making up for lost time in the financial arena. Am making up for lost life time by finally dating...when I feel like it.

Anyway, after tears over that decision, I let him stay at his house during the day w/f.v. watching him and her child playing with him. Sounded innocent and ok right?

Then 2 weeks ago..maybe 3 I forget...F.V. im's me and announces she's "dying" and thinks she has a heart defect called MVP. She im's me and goes all over the place for approx. 1 hour. I refer her to a doc I work with that is a good cardio. I honestly deep down think this woman was suffering from chronic depression though.

Jump ahead to a week ago at my son's swim team meet. We are at a very nice country club and I changed clothes after work so I didn't have to go in scrubs again. This time I looked cute for a change...incidentally, darth shows up..his first time at my son's meets. He is actually nice to me and we are able to behave as decent parents. He saves me a seat, offers to give me his sunglasses when the sun is in my eyes...and serves as the teams' timekeeper. He is acting like the person I once knew. And it's always painful to see glimpses of that person...the person he was before he became a WS.

Meet lasted 4-5 hours and was over past 9 pm. Many times during the meet, his cell would ring. It was FV. Apparently keeping track of him due to my presence and his ability to cheat well. She kept asking him when he'd leave. Before he left, he announced the rental home he was in sold...that they had to move. He then says, Hey peach..do't you live near such and such? I say yea, I live right beside that corporate area. He says...well that will be great! I am leasing a condo there for the next 4 mos. while my lakehouse is being built! That should be easy for us to do the switch thing.

Great...now my xh is less than 1 minute from my home. All I need now.

He had left F.V. at home to pack up their stuff while he left for 5 hrs to go to the meet. No wonder she was calling every minute.

Before he leaves, he tries to give me a 20 and says to "take our son and you 2 go out to dinner and have a great time." He has NOT done this in a very very very long time. Give me something? Be nice? People at the meet who did not know we were divorced thought we were the nicest couple...I gently informed them he was NOT my h anymore though. I tell him no, and he gives it to me anyway, leaving it in my purse.

Time passes.

I pick up my son on wednesday and my son says as soon as he gets into his booster seat that "daddy and FV are yelling at each other and I think they are close to a D!" Then my son goes on to tell me how they're yelling all the time at each other...how darth got in arguement w/her and said she was NOT living at lakehouse and he leaves with my son and she stays at the condo with her kids.

At the next swim meet 2 days ago, darth again sits near us. FV is NOT there again, and he is nice. He gets his fathers' day present and is very kind and appreciative. Again, very un-alien of him. He then sends me a very nice email yesterday thanking me again for the gift and wishing us a good weekend.

Oh, and I failed to mention, after my xh making such a tizzy over his wanting to have FV watch my son during work time, he announces last sunday night that "I think it's best our son goes to summer camp at his school...where you wanted him to go...so much more activities, field trips..and he gets to swim all the time w/his friends there...it's easier for you too. So I enrolled him this summer and paid for the entire first grade year."

What the??????

Seems my sons words may be very well true. The lovenest is no longer loving. When you build a home outta a foundation of crap, you will fall. Plus it will stink alot too.

Guess all is not well in the world of Mr. and Mrs. Smith...the affairees did not get what they wanted. Not at all.

And in the end, this whole thing makes me sad...why. why? Why did my xh have to become this thing...this alien? Why did he throw away a wonderful family? Why? Was it worth it? Was it a good thing? Now maybe not just 1, but 2 kids will know the pain maybe again. And if they stay together, it will still be sad b/c it is not out of happiness they will stay.

As for me, I am happy. I know when I meet the right person it will be apparent. As for now, I am a happy singleton. Working on me again btw..gettin' off the last 10 lbs. Trying to tweak a few things here and there. And being the best mom I can be to my son. Only times I am down, is when I see glimpses of what was. And know that it all could have been avoided...if he had chosen to change. He chose unwisely. My best girlfriend and a male MB buddy here, both warn me to keep my distance from darth, as he may be wanting to roam about again. And that since I live 1 minute away, it would be something to think of. Definitely NOT a coincidence since ATL is not exactly a sleepy little town with little living opportunities.

So after just 1.5 years things aren't good for the vader family. As for me, I have mourned and grown during the 1.5 years. I have laughed and smiled. I have faced alot of challenges and fears (job problems related to unstable former company and sheer pressures that single moms face professionally). Am sitting for a subspecialty board this october and yea, NEED PRAYERS FOR THAT! And will apply for the new m.s. program in my field also to become a practicioner (am not a nurse...but in a very demanding medical specialty and will hopefully get accepted into the very first year of that program ever being offered...)

So for you guys who think your XWS has found the life...remarried the object of their desires...and will be deliriously happy forever...remember this.

THAT IS JUST STINKIN' THINKING. Affairs lead to disaster hands down.

Goodness Peachy, I think he is trying to cozy up to you.

Be careful!!!!!
I know you had something so wonderful with him, but please be careful!

I find it so weird that he didn't know exactly where you lived? He really didn't know when he rented this place?
I'm sure this is no small town. Strange to me.

I bet fv is beside herself right now. I mean, can you even imagine? She THOUGHT she was the center of his world. How wrong she was!

Just be careful. I would hate to see you hurt, again.

Your Friend,
Karona

Nah. He went way too far. It was broken when I remember the day about the baby. It was broken when I went down the stairs. Has this man ever seeked counseling or tried to change?

Don't worry. I am strong.

I can resist the powers of the dark side...lol...

It was good many years ago...but then it became hell. I will never walk that hell again. I will never go thru the pain I went thru before ever again with anybody ok?

Cell is at home. Call me in about 30 ok?

Peach, I'm sorry I haven't gotten to talk to you again.

I will have to call you another time. I have to leave for my d's play in about 20min.

I will talk to you soon.

Be Strong!
Karona

Peachy, You are so right. The last news I heard about somedayTBXWH and MOW sounded like they're candidates for the Jerry Springer Show. And, yes, it's sad when I see how WH has destroyed his life after destroying our life together, damaging the kids, etc.

You knew this was going to happen, at least it seemed obvious from everything as you've described it. I'm sure his new location is no coincidence and I'm sorry your DS has to go through this, again...

Ok...things updated a bit more.

Maybe I am reading something into this but....BUT...

as of today here goes!
1)I am on call @ hospital and son is to be visiting my xh for visitation right now.
2)get call from x saying that he is "going to be unavailable tonight as he has an engagement to attend" and will be unable to watch my son...
3)in the past, he would always use the fow/w as the glorified babysitter. He made such a big kadoo about my son staying w/her during the day when I was at work so he'd not have to pay for summer camp...
4)now my son is still going to summer camp...but here's the kicker...EVEN ON THE DAYS HE IS VISITING WITH HIS DAD DURING THE WEEK...so that means she is not keeping my son at their condo.
5)I tell my xh this when he calls:
"Now Darth, you know I am on call...that means when a medical emergency rises, I have to leave to go and work on that person immediately...what if that happens? This is why I scheduled my call time when my son was with you ok? What are you doing? What's up with the "event" thing?

He freaks out...gets angry and all uptight...he says this..

now this is key:
"Peachy, dammit..I do not have to tell you what I am doing or my life ok.??? It is a function. That is all. If you get called in, then you can drop him off at my condo...family values will be there but I will not be. Let me know if you don't want to keep him and I will have family values watch him then.

wtf?

I had an instant flashback to the days of anger and fury when I'd ask something similar during his cheating escapades.

For starters, this man has tried to convince the world that she is the perfect stepmom...that she's this wonderful person and now in the last 3 weeks...he has done everything to make sure she is not left alone with my child.

Either she's freaking out...lazy...or he's cheating again...or both...we know they're arguing alot. That he left home one night also.

I am just wondering wtf? What about this stuff?

Now don't get me wrong. It will be hard to take call and be a mommy too...it's very hard. I have no relatives here or a plan B (sorry, not the MB b I am talking about). So I'd have to drop him off there ok?

He would do anything to keep me from having more custody time than I am awarded in past...methinks that a divorce or something is really dark on their affair marriage horizon.

Now he's giving me more and more time w/my son. And making HER the last resort.

Isn't this a change in the winds?

How wierd is this?

If you got my phone number...give me a call. I need input!

I just want to prepare myself and my son if all hell breaks loose again in his dads' life. Can we say primary custody for Peachy? Woo hoo! I love my son more than anything. He is my world...

I swear, these affairees don't get it.

They just don't get it.

Lies begat lies. You reap what you sow. And the lifespan of these kinda "marriages" if you can even call them that, (I call it a time-limited f fest). That's all. The timespan is rather short. About the time it takes to fall outta lust or initial attraction...less than 2 years.

harley says that affairs last at most about 2 years post d day...but couldn't that be also for affair marriages? I am not sure which but my xh is doing something...he's up to something.

I just want to prepare for what's ahead.

Any thouhts?

Peachy, don't get caught up in their drama.
And don't expect custody to change. Remember, he still thinks he's this great dad. But wait til he tries to do it alone.
And he'll cry more poor since he has two more mouths to feed.

And, I'm guessing he wasn't smart enough to sign a pre-nup with MFV

I am not trying to find out, but things are hitting me right in the face as I am my son's mom....

MORE POO HITS FAN!

THE AFFAIR M IS WINDING DOWN...

I pick up my son after daycamp...son gets in car and without anything, says "They've been fighting again." and then goes on to say that daddy left again yesterday and that they went to dinner (he and his dad).

Darth calls and says thanks for keeping my son and if I can predict my call (I am on emergency call for the med center until july 5 ok? I can get called in anytime 24 a day) that he'd let me know and I might get son more...he says he and son are going to go and stay at the lakehouse (still under construction) this weekend. Says "son and I" are going...no mention of FV and baby.

He says if I get called in to call him first and then he'd let FV know so I could drop him off w/her...

I get a phone call at 4:55 am today. It is from Darth. He is all nice and sweet. He asks if I got called in...I said hey, wouldn't I have paged you? He had no clue. He said he was NOT going to be at their condo and could he come by and pick up my son...I said that time was of essence and he'd have to meet me close to interstate so I would not be late for work.

THIS IS WILD...

Darth arrives in his business partner's lexus convertible and is wearing what I call his "cheating" clothes...tight ripped (fashionably) jeans, sandals, and an expensive yet untucked shirt...his overnight bag is partially hidden behind the drivers' seat (he still feels guilty around me ok?)...he's been out all night partying I think.

He is very very nice. Announced he's taking my son to hreakfast and then to the lakehouse and that he and my sn are going to swim, ski and he'd practice snorkeling with him in the lake (my son is a fish ok? we are going to try snorkeling in FL in Sept)...He says that if I need anything, to call him as he knows I am on er call...

I go to work. Silence, Peace.

Get an email from FV...It is one sentence. It says "Just wanted to make sure that Darth picked up your son"...

Thus, that means that they have not spoken in almost 24 hours...she has no idea (as of 11 am) that he got my son...or where my son is. I think it was her way of telling me that things are going to hell in a handbag. Like she's gonna get help from me. She sure helped me on the way to divorce court. But then again, nobody twisted his arm either.

It's so wierd. I do not ask anything but it is laid out right in front of my eyes.

I will never know why he did or chose this path. I will never know. This is a man who had it all, pretty much...until he flew out of control allowing his gonads to take over his brain...and then raged at me for over 2 years just because I held him accountable to make him try to do the right thing by my son and i.

He is giving me more time/custody now...it's apparent in the last few days...he is doing so without any anger or resentment so that's good. The more my son is with me, the less drama or anger he sees at that house.

I think something's going down soon. Either he's cheating or he's realized or both of them maybe that they screwed up alot of stuff. I am wondering if monkeyho is back...she always turns up...like a bad case of gonorrhea.

I dont know. I just see this whole thing as a horrible AVOIDABLE tragedy. He could have changed course. He had every opportunity before I gave up the ghost and moved on.

It is sad. It does make me grieve. I see all this destruction for a season of depravity. To have a few years of wild fun...and then that wild fun caught up w/him and the ow got preggers. He didn't want to be tied down.

I am gonna sit back, keep quiet, and be nice for now since very well my son may end up back with me a ton more. That is what I desire. What I want for now. God made me a great mom. It's what I am best at...

My x threw away a beautiful family and a once loving marriage for nothing. NOTHING. But I will always make sure my son gets to visit his half sister. It is not that baby's problem...she did not ask for her mom to ho around wtih a married man. That precious child deserves to be taken care of well...and if need be, I will allow her to come to my home to visit my son and help out however I can because it hurts me so to see a precious baby hurt as mine was because the parents are selfish and motivated by either money, lust or social gain.

I am just gonna stand tough, but stand quietly and be strong for my boy right now...

Just remember...affair marriages ARE DOOMED OK? THEY ARE DOOMED B/C THEIR BASIS...THEIR FOUNDATION...ARE LIES AND SHAME.

MAY ANY GOLDDIGGER OUT HERE READING THIS FROM GLORYB SEE THE LIGHT...I HOPE ALL YOU OW AND OP OUT THERE GET A CLUE AND READ THIS...THIS WILL BE YOU...YOU WILL END UP IN MORE PAIN THAN I EVER DID...AND IT WILL BE FOR NOTHING...IT'S YOUR CHOICE TO LIVE IN THE GUTTER OR NOT.

More...

Just got email from former ow/now w.

I am gonna cut and paste it here.

THE FORMER OW/W IS NOW ASKING ME ABOUT THE WHEREABOUTS OF MY XH...LIKE I AM HIS KEEPER OR SOMETHING????

HERE IT IS:
Just wondering. Not to bring you into anything, he decided not to come home last night and i'm just curious to what he his doing and where he would be with MD when everything he owns is here. Still has on what he wore to work and to the concert last night...not unless he went and bought clothes yesturday...who knows. this seems very well planned. Have a good day.

Wow...Like I am gonna help her out...I am sorry for her pain, but she WAS ONE OF THE HOMEWRECKERS WHO WRECKED MY...I REPEAT...MY MARRIAGE...I AM NOT GETTING INTO LEAGUE WITH HER NOR TAKING ANY SIDE AS I AM OUTTA THIS.

I AM ON THE SIDE OF THE KIDS AND WILL REMAIN SILENT AND COOL...

See? She is panicking. He has not spoken w/her in 24 hrs and has talked to me at least 3x.

Such IS THE LOT OF THE OP. THEY GET WHAT THEY DESERVE. I AM SORRY ABOUT THIS BUT IT IS TRUE...

And my xh IS NO SAINT EITHER...AND I AM SAD HE'S CHOOSING A NEGATIVE ROAD AS HE DID LAST TIME.

I agree with you. I think Monkeyho is back. Even if she isn't, I wanted a reason to use Monkeyho in a sentence.

Peachy - You are just too kind, and taking the higher road. Sorry, I'm not as good a woman as you. Here would be my note back to her:

FV -

Good to hear from you. I don't want to get involved in your marriage, but understand your concern. I'm also quite worried about XH.

You know, he used to do similar things when we were married. When he disappeared, I would occasionally find him at the In and Out Motel. Sometimes he would be spending the weekend at another get-away (insert name here).

Don't worry about him not having clothes. He probably packed a bag without your knowledge. But he WILL be home soon, I'm sure.

Actually....I think he's just wanting out of it..the affair marriage.

I hope he does return to his ways...as I want my son home the whole time.

His actions, recent move to within one minute drive distance to me is wierd also. As is his willingness to pay me ontime the last 2 mos..and his niceness...general state of wierd.

JUST GOT EMAIL FROM MY BEST GIRLFRIEND...HERE IS HER TAKE ON THE WHOLE THING...

T BELIEVES THAT FV BELIEVES MY XH IS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH ME!!..Imagine that...the former ow is freaking out b/c she thinks my xh is sleeping with me.

I am just staying silent.

And AS YOU MB'ERS KNOW...SILENCE ONLY MAKES THE OP/WS WIERDER. So I am gonna let THE FORMER OW STEW IN HER OWN POT...THE ONE SHE MADE HERSELF.

It's gotta suck. I mean, she's knowing her H moved within one minute of his attractive, educated, and VERY SINGLE xw..and suddenly he's not coming home...

he he he he he.
TIME TO PUT THE SHOE ON YOUR OWN FOOT FV AND SEE HOW IT FEELS...

I HOPE THIS HAPPENS TO ALL WS AND OP. So they can understand for once, what they have done.

Peachy, you hadn't figured out yet that she was worried about him having an affair with you? Heck, that's what I'm worried he's angling for.

In her position, wouldn't you be suspicious of any woman he came into contact with?

Dobie

Oh Peach, what a tangled web!!

What a mess they have created for themselves.

Let the pieces fall where they will, just be strong for your little guy, as I know you will.

Karona

I just love this. This story is so similar to my sitch. XH 38, mm=BS 39, OW=24. Divorce final 3-31, X marries OW 2 weeks after, baby born 2 weeks after their lovely marriage. I can't wait for their little romance to come falling down. Thanks for the inspiration.

Update...gotta be quick and stealth...afraid former ow/w will be surfing here.

In a nutshell....
*he's having affair w/21 yo college student
*he's been physically abusive with ow/w...almost breaking her jaw and giving her a black eye.
*she's losing it....
*she is utilizing a PI and has gps on his car. Also, he's gone waaaay off deep end.

They're gonna divorce. She wants full custody of daughter. She also discovered items that were stolen from my home 2 years ago (photos of when he was abusive etc.) When I was on call last weekend, my xh dropped my son off for 2 days as he said he had to "go out". I got called in last sat. night for an emergency brain shunt evaluation on a 24 yo girl in serious condition...and all he can think about is going out. And dropping our son off.

His behavior has become more than erratic. I have been in contact w/my attorney as he's off the edge. I found out that my xh took my son and the "babysitter" (what he calls the new ow) to six flags. My son witnessed her kissing him on the neck...and when he was living in the hotel room the ow was in the adjoining room next door. The PI found out that she was in an adjoining room.

Needless to say, I have made peace with Family Values. She is sorry now, that she is enduring the same as me. She said to me today on the phone (she has bought a secret cell phone to talk to me on...and to attorney and pi) "I am so sorry Peachy. It was all true, all you said. I guess this is what I get after this happened to you."

I've actually given here books on divorce recovery that I have, we've met and talked. And I have made peace with my God over all of this. She is also abused even worse than I was...he's a horrible man. And the worst part is this...she found a drug, pills called X, in his vehicle. She found it after he had a wild night out...all night. She has since found 3 more. She turned them in to attorney and I have already contacted mine. He's outta town, but we shall see what he says when he returns.

She contacted my former In Laws. Again, my former MIL said that she provoked Darth...she took his side. Extreme fog from the IL's also. What is sad, is that Family Values knows without a doubt that there can be no marriage building, no self help books, no counselor that can help Darth out. Darth is too far gone.

I sure wish I had known this earlier about him. But at least, she can get on with her life earlier and now spend a year and a half trying to piece together a marriage that can never be...or trying to singlehandedly change somebody that is sick.

I can not believe the turn of events.

But as I've preached all along...if the WS does not repent, and they end up with their OP, it will become worse...in much shorter time...than it took for our marriages to fall apart.

Why?

They are not healing, learning, or getting help themselves. Just getting sucked farther and farther in to the black holes that are created by lies, secrecy, adultery, and all things that take place in the dark.

Here's the question...and if you have my email, email me or call me friends...I need an answer to this before I talk to attorey again about custody.

Q: Should I wait until Family Values files and supoenae's me during the divorce to get custody change issues starting? I don't think I should start the firestorm now, as it would alert Darth to the impending hell that is to come. He should be caught off guard. Should I go for it when she files? I know I will get called to court to testify about past issues and how they're relevant today.

The things revealed to me by Family Values was horrible. When I could not find money for rent or food he bought 60k worth of furniture 2.5 years ago. She never knew he did not pay me and only until last month when she found a stash of emails, court docs, and the such, did she realize what she was living with.

He began cheating on her with their former realtor, within a month of their engagement...so he was not ever faithful to her (any surprise here?). He has been abusive several times. She knows of already 2 prior affairs he's had before this one w/the 21 year old..and YES....HE HAS ASKED HER IF HE CAN HAVE CONTACT WITH MONKEYHO...they have had an affair too. When it supposedly ended, he asked FV if he could just "remain friends with monkeyho, as she'd really like her if she got to know her"...same thing he told me.

And now he's accusing FV of cheating...just like he did me too.

She's not an evil person...she had bad judgement and yes, she deliberately slept with him knowing he was married (albeit he said he had marriage troubles).

Now she's walking in my shoes. She never had a good year. Never had faithfulness. Married her because she was pregnant.

She told me today "he couldn't even marry me in a church...do you know how much that hurt me?" I said, "well hon, do you think a proper minister would marry you both knowing he was married 72 hours earlier to another woman?

She's understanding alot. And she's regretful now in the end.

God has allowed me to help her and to be a light of help and hope.

When she went to a domestic violence shelter, the counselor helping her asked her the name of her husband. The counselor also is an advocate for my county. She has worked with me after the r.o. 2 years ago. She asked FV if she knew that I had been abused and that he was on probation for breaking into my home...she also showed her a copy of the police report for the prior abuse that they had in my old file there.

FV has seen the light. Darth is going down. And it makes me sick. Looks like I shall once again see the insides of the courthouse...

Pray that my son will live with me full time after all this goes down. My son does not need to be with this man.

Well Peachy, I give you a standing ovation for coming to her aid. For you to be able to put aside all those feelings, that is big!

What a mess this man is. He's a disaster just waiting to happen.

He makes me sick! to say the least.

I hope the girl you mentioned is okay. You know that's close to my heart.

Take care. Remember, he is your past. The only thing that concerns you really at this point is the welfare of your son.
If you chose to help FV, that is a bonus to her.

Take care of yourself,
K.

Don't you think it's counterproductive to be so involved (and happy) about the OW's misfortunes? You're divorced--why does this concern you?

As much as you like to blame the OW for what happened in your own marriage, both of you made the same error--you married the WRONG man. Thankfully, you've made the correct choice of divorcing him, however, when I read your posts, I wonder if YOU'RE convinced that you've done the right thing!

I'm assuming you post here for advice, so here's mine: Get on with your life and stop delighting in the troubles of others. You may have a connection because of your child, but stop taking "argument updates" from your son. OW or not, I'm sure she married with the best of intentions...it's your ex-H that is the [censored]. OW is certainly learning her lesson, but that doesn't make it right for you to be happy about the outcome-it's another failed marriage which isn't a good thing for anyone...

I do NOT and am not happy to be in this.

I am involved in this as the XWS, my xh, is a jerk and has exposed MY son to multiple OW, is using illegal drug, and has been violent again in front of him.

You're way off base on this...and I say that kindly.

It's not been easy...but I am now actually having dialogue with hiw ow/w. She was also misled, and I feel for her.

The QUESTION at hand was when to take legal action...I am sure if you are a good parent, you too would have issue with your child being around somebody impaired.

Plus...you'd have issue with your child being around somebody who has abused yet again their spouse...in front of the child.

That has NOTHING to do with my feelings towards my xh...nothing at all.

It is sad facts I have to deal with. And for the sake of my son, I will stand up to this man no matter what and try to do the right thing...and yes, I will also make sure my son has a good relationship w/his half sister.

Thanks...but again, my question you did ignore. Just think that you're waaaaaaaaaaay off base.

The issue is about legalities, and an update for all those who think affair marriages are gonna last. It is sad but true, I wish the ow/w had no pain. I wish no other kids were involved in his antics. I don't wish anybody bad, but hey...karma is karma. If you spread bad karma, it will come back to bite you.

I do not have any ill will against the ow. In fact, I gave her 3 books of mine...recovery books for her life. She is really hurt, has been a victim of him, and if I can show her how to get on with things positively, and make sure our kids are protected, then all is good. She is doing her part legally now. And I am glad to hear it. As for me, I am waiting for my attorney to get back to me as he's out of town until tomorrow...

that is why I asked my friends here for legal/custody advice.