A little background. My WS is an alcoholic. He met OW in rehab in Feb, and the PA lasted 5 weeks- March- April 20. We have since moved to another state, and have been doing "OK" He has had no contact AFAIK. We have discussed the policy of joint agreement, and that it would not be OK with me for him to go out with friends to bars/clubs until further notice (ever? I don't know...). He told me that he wants to work on our marriage, but wants to put the affair behind him (read- ignore it happened).
I just spoke to him at work, and he wants to go out with a friend (male) after work. He asked my permission, which I declined to give, saying that he needed to make the right decision on his own, based on what we've agreed on. He says he'll come home. Last time he said that, he left the state for 4 days. (DDay) I feel like I'm going to drive him away by standing strong to what we 'agreed' (clearly he didn't agree..). Did I do the right thing? I'm struggling so hard to both Plan A, not LB, try not to do too much relationship talking and I guess all I'm ending up is really scared and confused. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

If going out involves going to the bar, he should not even be asking.

Maybe he needed you to say no so that he would have an excuse to do the right thing...

If he comes home, be extra nice to him.

He just called to say he was sorry for asking- he knew he was puching his luck. (-this is just his MO though-) to make me the 'bad guy'. At least he's coming home...
Thanks for your reply Shul- it's moments like these that it's just nice to know *someone* is listening...

Do not feel guilty. You do not want to be an enabler. I have laid down the law so to speak with my H too. Had to. If he can't abide than he has to leave. If he lives here there are no OW ever, no secrets, no lies. If he cannot live with that then he must leave. I don't think I am being a bad guy, just taking care of myself and my family. If he leaves I won't like it but I am not going to live with him living like a bachelor either. Don't feel guilty. You are doing the right thing. Stand firm. mlhb

You can be his accountability partner and not be the bad guy. He should have told his co-worker that he is an alcoholic and that he needs to avoid bars/clubs.

If he looks to you to be his scapegoat then he is denying his addiction.

You will have a very difficult time MB'ing so long as he is battling alcoholism.

Why is a recovering alcoholic going out to bars?