Saw my WH last night. He called and offered to come over and mow the lawn. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> So, I said sure.

Together, we did the yard work. I had him show me how the lawn equipment worked, how to mix the gas, etc. Afterwards, we were both far from pretty and smelling nice. We sat in the house for a bit cooling off and talked about nothing in particular. I made a concious effort to not talk about the relationship.

Finally, I was getting pretty darn bored so I asked him if he wanted to do something else? We ended up deciding to get something to eat, someplace inexpensive. So after we both took showers, we ate and again no relationship talk. He tried to bring up one thing, but I told him I simply didn't want to talk about it. He let it go.

This morning I was surfin' the net and I came upon an old Yahoo profile of mine. It was the profile I had created when I had posted an ad years ago. I had updated it at some point to reflect that I was in a long term commitment and I also linked to my H's profile. We thought it was cute since that's how we met after all, through Yahoo.

I clicked on his link, I guess to reminice, and I notice he has updated it to say he's separated. Then I check to see if he's posted a personal ad. WHOA! Right there in front of me I see an ad that states he's DIVORCED and he's looking for someone to have some fun with, etc.

At this point, I'm so done. I called him and told him what happened. He says he's just having fun. I told him he's having fun stomping on my heart. I can't take this anymore. He's killing me. I can't take this hurt anymore. Every time I turn around he's jabbing a knife in my heart. He says we'll talk about this later. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
I just tell him what is there to talk about? You've wanted your freedom, now you have it. You can pick up your stuff next weekend. This is what you've been wanting, I'm done.

If only...
If only he'd made the slightest effort... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
If only he'd told ME he loved me... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
If only he'd stopped his [censored]... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Fargin Bastage.

I'm so sorry to hear that. Well, I guess you know you LB'd a bit. Sounds like he is still very foggy.

Are you doing anything nice for yourself?

I opened the bottle of Dom Perignon that we were saving for our anniversary and I'm drinking it.

Plus it's raining like mad today.

Another craptastick day in paradise.

If you get bored, and want to read funny stuff - jump on over to Idiotville. Lots of stupid stuff going on there - but it might be entertaining, especially with a bottle of the good stuff.

Ok, so I drank the entire bottle of Dom Perignon yesterday. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> And of course today, I'm paying the price with a nasty headache. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

It got ugly yesterday. We said nasty things to each other. Not surprisingly. I finally got my wits about me enough to call a girlfriend so I would stop the nastiness I seemed to be on a roll with. Thankfully, it worked.

Here's where I'm needing advice. Around 11pm, I was sleeping and WH calls. Says that while I may think he doesn't care, he does and he's calling to check that I'm ok since he knows I've been drinking. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> Then he goes to say that he wants to get together this week to "talk about everything". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> WTH? So I ask, what does that mean? He says he wants to talk about what he's done, what I've done, etc. So, I say sure, when? We settle on Tuesday night. He's supposed to call me to arrange a time and a place.

I do not want it to be at the house, since we always seem to end up in bed. I want it on neutral ground. But still I don't understand...what does this mean? Why now? We said some very hateful things to each other yesterday and quite honestly, my feelings haven't changed. Not that I hate him, but I know I'm not happy with him and I'd rather not be hurt anymore.

What do you guys think of this new development? What should I do tomorrow night? HELP!!

Anyone have any suggestions, ideas, experience in something like this? Anything?

Personally, you need to clearly communicate to him that there is NOTHING "fun" in what he did online. And that he's not being honest with you...he's not 'just having fun'...he's looking for something.

This is a clear boundary for ANY relationship...and if he were able to think clearly, he'd know that for himself.

And I agree that you need to make sure that the venue for your discussion is someplace public...so that there is no way that you can end up in SF again. And make him understand that you don't want it to...what you want is to fix what's wrong, not keep covering it up.

Just my thoughts.

(((STWP)))

I feel that our situations are very similar (less than a year into marriage, etc...oh, and my WH even drives a Jeep Rubicon too... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />)

I don't have a lot of insight, but I'll try and offer you some from my experience. I did a horrible plan A...especially when I was 2 weeks out like you are now. So please learn from my mistakes.

You must remain calm when you are speaking to him. Speak from your heart but do not get too emotional. This made my WH very uncomfortable because I wasn't even able to control my crying in public places. Also becoming too emotional keeps you from thinking clearly and hearing what your WH is trying to say...(not necessarily the words coming out of hismouth).

Have a good cry before you go so you won't cry so easily in front of him.

Tell him that his behavior is unacceptable.

Ask him how he would feel if you were soliciting yourself as divorced in order to get attention from other me.

Be clear about what you want from him.

Do not get pulled into manipulative word games. Take the time to think before you speak to make sure you are saying what you mean to say.

Long pauses are okay. Listen...he is trying to tell you something...even if it is just babble. Study up on Orchid's reverse babble: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=019927

If after a long pause, WH tries to change topic...kindly steer him back on topic.

Also, I've found that my WH can never have these talks for more than 30 minutes. So please don't get disappointed and desperate if he's wanting to wrap it up when you have more to talk about. Just say "Okay, we can continue this another time."

Best of luck to you...

Newlywed, I've felt that we've had similar sitch's too. I'm glad you responded.

I have a feeling that he's going to bring up the Rubicon again. You see, the cars are in my name. He came into the relationship with very little and that includes no car. Right now, he's driving the other car and I have the Jeep. He tried to get me to switch cars when I saw him last but I refused to talk about it. (He claimed on Sunday that that was the reason he put up the Yahoo ad <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />) I have no intention of giving him the Jeep, for several reasons. Mainly, the car is brand new and has a loan on it and I'm making the payments and the other one is paid for and older. Frankly, he should thank the Gods that I even let him have a car at all IMO.

Would it be completely wrong to start out the conversation by telling him that I refuse to discuss the Jeep? If he pitches a fit then I'm leaving. What do you guys think?

I would be completely stunned if this conversation were to be about us reconciling and I have no illusions that will happen. Mostly, I'm thinking it'll be about getting ready so he can file the D paperwork.

I'm nervous about it, but here it is, 8pm and he still hasn't called to arrange a time and a place for tomorrow. So, it was probably all b.s. anyway.

one more thing...I did this and the response I got was, "as long as your happy"

Jerk!!!