How did all of you in Plan A and even Plan B for that matter become so strong? I feel like I am dying inside. I feel like I can't keep it together at all. WH is just pouncing all over my heart. How do you act upbeat and try not to LB when all they do is walk all over you??? And with 3 children, how do you keep up the facade that life is going to be ok? My whole word is crashing down on me and I have to act happy because I don't want my children sad. I feel like I am losing my mind.

I don't know how to Plan A. I don't know how to Plan B. I don't know what is right for me and my children. Let WH come home when he feels like, don't let him come home???

He alwasy spends Saturday and Sunday here with us, so yesterday he was home but had to go back into the City for a work function and said see you tomorrow. I foolishly I guess said...why not come home tonight? He said he would call...well needless to say he didn't come home or call!! So I get any email this morning saying he would be home. Well, I can't do that so my reply was a simple "Probably would be best if you didn't come today." His reply...ok.

So I am sure I did the wrong thing. Should have let him come and try to act happy, but I just can't do that. I am so sad and my kids are so confused, so maybe the break will be good. Who knows when he will be home again. It shocks me that he doesn't want to see his kids every day...WOW...I never knew he was so cold and heartless. But I guess when you have NYC at your fingertips and every available woman falling at your feet, who needs a wife and kids??

Married 20 years, 3 kids and what?????? Nothing, that's what. All I want is my family together. Sad, sad, sad!

I feel your pain and I'm so sorry!
It's very hard but just know that you have the strength to get through this and you will be ok. It's been almost a year since My STBX walked out and I have come a long way since then and I'm making it!!! It's been a long hard road but I know I will survive~~~~

Hang in there and may God be with you~

You are sooo new to this...It takes time! You should have seen me in my first months...i was a mess! You can be sad...your kids will know it, but that is ok...just explain to them that you aren't feeling happy right now...it's ok to feel sad! how old are they?

Plan A is hard, but Plan B is harder...I was good at Plan A for short periods of time...but we are all human...we all burst at some point...it is OK! Remember you are not dealing with a sane man...He is not the man you Married!

i dont know if you have heard the anaology of the WS being on drugs...but that is what he is...he is a drug addict...you are dealing with...he needs his fix...you cannot rationalize with an addict...so dont try to...

just relax...if it makes it easier, when he IS home, dont talk...just listen to him and agree with him...nod your head, do your things...dont stop the world because of him...

Call him and ask him how he is..be cheerful...even though you are dying inside...then hang up and scream or cry...it will confuse him...You will calm down...you will be happy again...are you on AD's...if not I would HIGHLY recomend it...

Lost,

I went back and read your other posts and it seems that your H has had several affairs over the years. That tells me that this is not a marital problem, but a character problem. Plan A cannot solve a character problem.

See, Plan A is designed to attract the WS back into the marriage on the premise that he was pushed away by unmet needs and lovebusters. Plan A serves to attract him back by meeting those needs. However, your H is not having affairs because of unmet needs, so meeting needs cannot be the solution. See what I mean?

Plan A is only effective in situations where the adultery is an aberration of character. With a serial cheater, it is not an aberration of character, but a way of life. It is because of this that I wouldn't waste my time on Plan A, it won't help you at all.

Instead, I would move right to Plan B and start taking steps to protect you and your kids. I would also insist on STD testing before you ever let him back in, Lost.

I very much believe that your H can change, but you cannot change him. Only he can do that with some strong motivation and lots of hard work. But please don't waste your time in Plan A, it won't work. And even if it did, he would just be onto the next affair before you knew it.

Thank you both!

Kids are 18, 15 and 8. Our family...the 5 of us...has always been the only thing got us through anything. we are a military family so moving around so much we learned to rely on us...our family...that's it. So for that closeness to be broken is just devastating to me and my kids.

You are right, he is not the man I married. That man adores his wife and children.

Trying to get a grip...thanks for the support and words of encouragement.

MelodyLane, I think I was writing at the same time you were so I did not notice your post. That is an interesting observation...a character problem. Maybe you are right?? He has never admitted to a PA, never. But I have always found emails from other women that are just not right. They never come out and say anything about having sex together, but spending time together, etc... I don't know, maybe he does have a character problem. Maybe he is not the wonderful, loving husband and father I have always thought, but a manipulative man who only thinks of himself??

This is all just terrible. My youngest who is 8 asked...where is Dad? Is he dead or something? Why isn't he here? The kids are the ones who suffer and that makes me more sad and mad than anything. I would never abandon my kids, so how can he???

Lost,

I really do feel for you. I know when this was all happening I'd cycle between hoping for any possible time together with WW then to can't stand being in the same room with her. I truly felt like I was losing my mind.

I eventually forced a separation because I couldn't take it anymore. I applaud all of those here who tough it out in those stressfull times.

Is there anyone you can get to help you out with the kids some as you are going through this?

Hang in there,

Miker