I need to get used to posting in this forum rather than the GQ forum...But here it goes...

The man is IMPOSSIBLE! I gave him a temporary visitation schedule straight out of the CODE with a letter explaining how important it is to following any ongoing activities for the kids and to be as stable as possible for the kids sake! He called me that night and said that he would not follow any schedule that he would see the kids when he wanted to and on HIS terms and would not give me a bit of notice!

OK FINE! I just document it!

So far I have let him see the kids when he wants, and when he demands...I dont want to look like I am keeping him from the kids when court comes around...which incidently is not until JULY 7th!

Welll, this is getting a bit old now, as you can imagine! The demands are uncalled for and his vulgar language is inappropriate! he calls and says I will see my kids today and I will be there at such and such time and you better have them ready! UH HUH! sure!

Last weekend, since telling me he would not follow the schedule I went to SAT with the kids...told him about it...said he could see them on Sunday if he wished...I could come home early! FINE! He picked them up at 4:00...then called me and DEMANDED that I be home at 6:00...well, I hadn't planned on doing anything, but since he demanded I be home, I left...he calls leaving a msg saying I had best get home...when I did get home, he had broken into the house...

while he was out looking for me, I went into the front door and locked it...letting the kids in...he again broke into the house thru the dog door...I played it cool, while he asked if this was really over and why we had to get a divorce and bla bla bla...This is explained more over in a GQ thread I had going on!

that day ends...Again he calls demands to see them on Thursday...calling me again and demanding me to be home at 8:00...OK, so I am home at 8:00...no show...he keeps them til almost 9:00...they said he was looking at houses with him...they hated it!

That night he says he wants to see the kids again on Saturday...I told him it was not his weekend...he argued with me and so not to argue back, I let him pick them up...he pikced them up at 11:15...calling me at 12:30 saying I best get home cuz the kid are tired! WTF??? I did not pick up my phone...I got another msg saying he was going into the house and he would meet me inside...WHATever...he passes me on the way home...

he drops them off 2 hours later...I told him I will not tolerate the demands any longer and if he wishses to see the children he can follow the visitation schedule...he again says he will see them when he wants to and he DOES control me and when I will be home etc...he asked about DS4 bday...I told him he was not invited to the party...he said he had every right to be at the party...I told him if he wanted to, he could throw his OWN party for him..he said NO, he was coming to mine...I told him it was at MY house...and he best not show up...that was that...

I said he could see the kids again on Thursaday at 4:00 and if he was late, then that is his problem...he said He had to work unlike ME who is just sitting around doing nothing and mowing the lawn to try to save $35... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

he is very bitter and angry at me...He says he hates me because I wasted so much of his life! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I always keep my cool when talking to him...I do not stoop to his level...I just listen to him rant and rave, cuz I will not have anything thrown in my face in court...

I asked my lawyer about him breaking into my house and he said "you cant BREAK INTO your OWN home" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> sooo in that sense I am stuck!

He is just being so difficult, so mean, soooo disrepectful, using foul language...asking where the F I am...DEMANDING things all the time...

You know, I am so sorry he is not happy...I am sooo sorry that I am happy...but why be so mean to me...why cant he just be civile for the kids sake! I mean come on...he chose this life...I didnt'...I am moving on, so why cant he...why does he have to be so difficult and disrepectful to me! I have saved all the msgs he has left and I have a recorder set up...illegal, yes, but I need proof of these demands...

Is there anything I can do? He also says that even when the temp orders and the perm orders go itno effect he wont follow them...as long as he is paying his CS he can do whatever he wants.! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I just want what is best for my boys, but THIS is not good for them...I am so sad for them that they have to deal with this...

Oh yea, forgot...he is also telling me that I am spending too much time with my friends and he calls them trash...and that I need to stop having them over to the house! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Call a domestic violence shelter for a free consult. Ed is being openly emotionally abusive and you CAN get a restraining order, if you take evidence and approach it from the way they will teach you.

You can stop this. You can stop allowing his behavior. There is a divorce in process and if your attorney hasn't mentioned restraining order with his recent antics, then find another attorney!

If you are determined to be free of this crap, you will leave no stone unturned and Ed can just live in the h*ll of his own making by himself.

*sigh* ok kandi...god I want to make a special trip to texas....number one...boundries....you need to set them and be firm...i had to do this with my WH when he pulled crap like that...honey I know it's hard to be tough against this man you loved for so long but you have to...remember it was HIS choice...you didn't make it for him...now he has to deal with the conciquences...now you changed the locks right....there is a doggy door *I know I used to sell them* that has a lock and you put a sepcial device on your dog and it only lets them in...it uses magnets...get thee to petsmart or petco pronto....secondly if you get home and find he has broken in *provided he is not there* you don't REALLY kow it was him...call the police...make a report that SOMEONE broke into your house....I will bet you it would look great in front of a judge especially if he fesses up to it. Now calling you "whenever" and trying to hunt you down and decideing when he wants to come over is borderline harrassment....next time he comes over unannounced and demands the kids and you made plans...or hell even if you have made a schedule and it's not his day and he does this....do not open the door....I repeat do NOT let him in....and call the cops....these things can and should be documented by the law....Kandi his behaviour is out of hand...and totally unacceptable.....STOP TAKING IT FROM HIM. Tough love my dear....you are not obligated to do anything he says ANYMORE start following the schedule as it is stability for your kids...make plans on the days that are yours and stick to it...and with his behavior as of recently I am going to suggest Ed's visitation be supervised from now on...he's acting irrational and unpredictable....that is not the appropriate way to act around children....it's also borderline psychotic.

Sounds like he doesn't like not having control anymore and is doing what he has to do to regain it. If he actually follows through with the threat of not following the orders, it will cost money, but every time you take him back to court. Eventually he can/will be fined, possibly jailed, and possibly lose any visitation with the kids at all. At least in Ca that can happen.

With Ed acting this way, personallly, I would want a bit more aggressive attorney. IF you come home and he is in the house, why not call the cops and tell them there is someone in your house, that you just got home?

You mentioned before that the attorney stated that your temporary visitation schedule was acceptable. Stick to it. If he calls demanding the kids, don't be at home. Can you maybe go to Sat until the court hearing? Send a certified letter to him and your attorney, stating that you are going on vacation with the kids from so and so date.

Kandi -

I've been pondering your situation all morning - and the dynamics you have to overcome in order to have peace.

There is an "energy" that you and Ed create when you are in contact with each other. You get pulled back into that energy vortex every time Ed wants to have a fix of knowing he still gets to you in some way - even negatively.

I strongly - can't stress strongly enough, that you get to a serious therapist who can help you break out of that vortex. It's not easy. And I wouldn't suggest trying it on your own.

People who tell you to just "not let him get to you anymore" don't understand that vortex sensation and until you can work with someone who understands the total dynamic that you are dealing with, pat-answers are easy to come by but as hard to implement in real life when it's up-close and personal.

I have more ideas, but since Mr. Ed is trying to control you, I can guarantee you he's reading and monitoring every thread you post on to verify that his terrorism tactics are working.

e-mail me, if you would like my help with this.

A few years ago when stbx and I were separated, he came to our house and was drunk. I called the police. When they got here they asked our addresses and I explained we owned the home but he lived elsewhere. Police officer said did not matter and that was not his place of residence. He insulted the police officer and spent the night in jail. Mind you, I've never known personally anyone who has been to jail much less had to call the police for anything other than a traffic accident. As Ed has done to you, our husbands brought our lives down to a scummy level.

I can't understand your attorney being nonchallant about the whole thing. He "broke" in. Next time call the police and see what they say. By the way, the night my stbx was arrested, the police officer asked me if stbx had hurt me. I told him no but admitted I became so frustrated that I pushed him out of the house and banged his head against the garage wall. I just knew I was going to be arrested. The police officer said, "Good for you." They understand more than we realize.

I agree with Kayla. You've given him a visitation schedule that is reasonable. When he calls, don't answer. Let your machine or voice mail record his comments and make a copy for court. He does suck you into his vortex of insanity. I understand that fully and my stbx's antics become more creative at the time winds down.

Paying child support doesn't give him the right to dictate your life. Child support came about at their birth-not at divorce. It's none of his business who your friends are and if they spend time at your home.

My atty told me that if I request, stbx cannot contact me and is liable to be charged with stalking if he does. Since the visitation schedule has been estabished and the attys are caring for the settlement, there's no reason for him to contact you. Have your atty to contact his atty about the harrassment and if he/she doesn't, find a new atty that will back you up. Mine's a big fluffy dog, looks innocent enough on the outside but a pit bull on the inside. You need one such as he.

Hey Darling,

You KNOW Ed is reading here....he's too much of a control freak to NOT read here...He couldn't stop himself if he wanted too.

Ed is a typical WS Doctor...and in many ways typical of too many Doctors...God Complex...He knows all...Christ, I about puked watching you all on Dr. Phil.

It sure would have made for great TV had Phil slapped that rude and overbearing hubby of yours right in the snotbox and knocked that smug look off his face.

Ed reminds me of the kid who isn't quite the smartest kid in class but wants everyone to think he is...so he bullies and blusters till nobody argues with him anymore...Moving, you are letting him do it to you and the kids.

Get a restraining order against this knucklehead...It probably won't work keeping him away till he spends the night in jail for it...and of course then it will have been your fault...not his...cause the law doesn't apply to Gods like Ed....

Moving follow everyones advice here, and then get a restraining order on this meatbag as well. If you don't stop it now it will never end.

Also, the comment about "As long as I am paying CS" bull$*it? Just further proof of his narcisism and God Complex...does that mean as soon as they are grown it's your turn to do as you please with the kids? Or will this bizarre attitude extend to any grandkids that may come along? (Ed speaking to oldest son) "I paid CS for you so hand over the grandkid when I want them"

That idea is just as retarded as what he pulling now....since when DIDN'T Ed pay CS? I mean he did spend some of his paycheck on food and clothes and a home for you and the kids right?

But I forgot, Ed is so smart that he is too stupid to see that he's been paying CS all along.

One more thing MF4M....if your attorney is this weak ditch him!!!!!!!! TODAY!!!!!!!!

THis attitude of his points to "Divorce Mill Atty." translation? You come to me, I do A, B, and C...thats it...gimme your money. Thousands upon thousands of them out there, ask your divorced friends about theirs...look in the local Legal News Paper (you can get it at the courthouse) and find out which atty.'s are getting what from whom in cases...usually a good sign for a shark and you need the biggest, baddest shark in the sea right now. You need somebody that can beat the crap out of ED legally and verbally. Nothing destroys the "smartest kid in the class" more than being beat down legally, with no recourse.

You need somebody to find "Jaws" for you? I'll do it in a second...I have resources and can probably have someone like that inside 20 minutes...and it would be a pleasure personally.

here's my e-mail...feel free

senedal@excite.com

rebornman

I agree with everyone -- restraining order. Also, I know there are places around here (NH) that are for supervised visitation and for "orderly" transitions. Safe for the kids and that the parents need never see each other (Ie you drop the kids off and leave and the other parent picks up 15 minutes after you leave).

Tell him the children will call at X time each night to talk to him. The visitation schedule stands. Other changes can go through the attorney's. There is NO reason for you to have to speak to him. You can give each other updates on children as needed through notes.

Wow! He's escalating, isn't he?

I've thought for a while now that you were living in a rather emotionally and verbally abusive situation, but it's VERY clear now that's what you are dealing with.

You've gotten some very good advice here so far.

I have some information for you which I don't wish to post here. Why don't you e-mail me at my hotbot account - it's just a junk account I use for occasions like this, I only check it when I'm expecting something. It is:

kaycee1616@hotmail.com

Post here and let me know when you've e-mailed so I'll know when to get back to you.