Wow, my wife just left and we had a heart to heart. We’ve been separated since June 11 after 3 years of marriage. We have both been going to MC. She met with the MC by herself last Tuesday to discuss her issues. Basically she has been withdrawing from me for a year. She is quite controlling and has always been the one to take care of other people. For example, her mom, sister, and even myself. I have lost who I am in the process as she basically became my mom and did everything for me. I’m currently reconnecting with who I am.

She and the MC has come to the conclusion that she has started down a path of independence where she only wants to take care of herself and no one else. She notes her past actions (EA) have subconsciously showed this and that she is not into fixing the marriage. Our MC wanted us to meet with him Tuesday and tell him our decision on what we want to do. Basically, either fix the marriage or come to an amicable separation. I want to fix our marriage, but she is pretty set on us separating as she views our marriage as an example of both of us being emotionally too naïve to really know what we were doing. Which I admit, I have totally disregarded her needs and she has been to controlling and had an idea of a perfect marriage. If I knew then what I know now, things would have been a lot different. Unfortunately the damage is done, and she really is a different person from when we first started. She is no longer as co-dependent or needy. I have always been somewhat leery of our marriage because we spent a lot of time in pre-counseling and MC last year on other issues. It seems other couples we know haven’t had as much problems. I want to fix our marriage, but you can’t make someone love you. I am angry that she doesn’t really want to try, but she says that she doesn’t want to pretend that everything is ok when their not. I really can't force her to change her mind and have agreed that maybe we should discuss ways for an amicable split. I'm also getting to the point where I'm just wanting some closure and to get on with my life. Ugh, I can’t believe it has come to this.

I want to thank everyone on the boards that have been so helpful and you are all in my prayers. I'm positive about my own changes to myself and will carry this forward to the future as I begin a new life.

No offense to the women here, as I'm sure that we men are just as guilty - but one thing I've really noticed as a trend, at least with women in divorce is that, unfortunately most of the time it takes the wife leaving or threatening to leave for the man to realize that he wants to change his ways for real; and by that time, after the man has sincerely repented, the woman is too bitter to let him - which pisses me off more than anything. If someone is sorry they are sorry; don't hate them because they didn't realize it soon enough for "you", at least they want to change.

I can relate with what you're going through. I want her to stay so badly, but the longer this draws on and the longer I have my emotions trampled on, the less I find myself loving her everyday - and although that scared me, its something that will eventually bring me closure. I'm looking forward to the divorce; not because I don't want to be with her - by all means I will be extremely sad - but when it is said and done and there is no more hope to cling on to, even if I don't want to, I can FINALLY begin the true healing. Right now I'm stuck in limbo.

I'm not sure of your entire story but I have to say it doesn't seem as hopeless as you think it is. You have only been seperated a short period of time. My FWH and I were seperated for 6 months, and we are now back together building our life and family. All the things that are being said in MC are the same words spoken by every WS. MC is great and can do wonders, but it can also be very distructive. If your WS is still in an A, MC is completely useless.

Give it more time before you give up. After all what do you have to lose?

Yeah, the limbo stage is already taking a toll. Everyday is a struggle. I too am ready some type of closure and a chance to start the healing process. Healing just can't be done in my current state.

Yes, this is frustrating. I do want to change and I am changing regardless of what happens. But by the time she made it clear of her intentions it was already too late in her mind. She was already gone.

Doesn't that feeling of hopelessness that comes with knowing you might have been able to save things if you'd changed earlier suck? Be careful though; her leaving isn't your fault - its her decision. In the end, it comes down to her not giving you a chance, you're doing things on your end - its her loss not yours. I have spent way too much time over the past few days telling myself I was scum for not changing sooner, but the fact remains that no matter how many times she may tell me that her leaving is because I didn't change, thats bull and she's trying to point the guilt at me when in actuality she is the one divorcing me and not otherwise.

Our MC wanted us to meet with him Tuesday and tell him our decision on what we want to do. Basically, either fix the marriage or come to an amicable separation.
Get a new marriage counselor, one who is pro-marriage.

I'm positive about my own changes to myself and will carry this forward to the future as I begin a new life.
???
You've been separated for two weeks and calling it quits already??

I'm also getting to the point where I'm just wanting some closure and to get on with my life.
After two weeks you are expecting some closure?
You think an amicable divorce will do this?

I suggest you move very, very slowly.
Don't divorce if you don't want one.
If she really wants one, let her do all the work.

Read the links below.

I am going to let her do all the work. It does seem to be wierd that after being seperated for two weeks we are already talking about divorce. The problem is that she has basically been seperating from me for almost a year now. When she finally brought it to my attention it really was too late in her eyes. I realize my mistakes and am making changes to my life, but she has unfortunately moved on emotionally and physically. She no longer is in love with me. While I am still coming to terms emotionally she seems to be further down the road and embracing her new freedom and independence. It's sad in that she wasn't able to convey to me her thoughts and depression about our marriage a year ago, and I didn't pick up on her ques that she did give.