Please,

If you aren't completely open with other people's sexuality don't read any further - I don't even know if this question is appropriate with this board, but it is related to the pain my wife's absence is causing so I'm posting it anyways.


Alright,

I'm just going to be honest and ask this, because we're all (hopefully) adults here, and I am seriously wondering about this issue.

Having my wife leave me and detach me completely emotionally has been extremely hard on me emotionally. I've always been faithful to her; I have never cheated on her, nor has it ever crossed my mind - but I've found myself doing something disturbing lately that has sort of got me worried - but in another sense I'm almost wondering if its a normal part of the healing phase.

I've found, that as of late, I've been trying so hard to get over my wife - the pain has been so incredibly hard to bare with her leaving that I haven't been able to function normally in over 3 weeks. I have had a constant stomach ache, which hasn't subsided in over 3 weeks - I think that is explained by the feeling in my gut that she is having an A. My real question is this,

I have found myself masturbating recently over complete strangers for no reason other than this; to try and separate my emotional connection with her. I find myself doing it to try and cheapen what she means to me, and to try and get her "out of my mind or make myself feel like she doesn't matter anymore". Is this considered infidelity? I would never act out anything of this sorts against my wife; and I am a devout Christian - so in a since, if I was lusting for these women it would be lust - but I'm not doing it because I want these women; I'm doing it because I want more than anything for this love I feel for my wife to leave me. I love her more than life itself, but she continues to hurt me, and having that love for her instills false hope inside of me that causes even more pain everytime she rejects me.

I feel bad doing this; and I'm wondering if what I'm doing isn't normal. The pain hurts so bad, i can even recall a day when I haven't cried in the past month or two. But then; I'll find myself masturbating while thinking of her or looking at a picture of her and trying to tell myself she still loves me and that shes going to come back. Is this normal?

Seems very normal to me on a practical level. I think it's a stress reliever. You love her, so sometimes she's the image. She's hurt you, so sometimes you find a different image.

Orgasms release endorphins.

Dobie

FoxOr - You are COMPLETELY normal. Don't worry about it. I think men and women are a little different though.

After D-day, my fantasies involved my WH, all of the time. But later, when I started losing my love for him, these fantasies completely quit. Thinking of him made me sick to my stomach.

Next, I started thinking of all kinds of crazy stuff. Mostly with strangers - the stranger the better. There was all kinds of stuff that I have never even thought of before.

So kick back, and enjoy. Don't feel guilty.