As a reminder, I have been married 12 yrs. Husband is standing firm on decision to divorce. Last night he did not call until 9:30pm. He was staying with his brother out of state (this is the place I feel that he is searching to start his new fantasy life...and currently is seeing someone there).

He only spoke to the kids. Usually, my youngest will ask if he wants to speak to me. Last night that did not happen, so he managed to hang up without speaking to me. Our conversations are ALWAYS dry and disappointing. None the less, I felt hurt because he did not want to speak to me.

WHY DOES IT STILL MATTER TO ME? He is not playing any games about his intentions to divorce. On the other hand, I am committed to fight for my marriage until the end. In the meantime, my emotions continue to get stomped on.

I am trying to keep busy. However, actions like this one just get me in a knot...It makes my mind wonder whether his "girlfriend" is sitting next to him when he calls the kids. It makes me want to search for her phone number and confront her.

I can only control my actions ...I can not change his feelings or actions. I know this. I really want him to wake-up and realize the horrible mistake he is making....but it is not happening.

For those of you already divorced, has your spouse reached a point where they are full of regrets over the divorce and the things that lead up to the divorce?

I know that one day he will be full of regrets. In the meantime, I have to take control of my emotions. How do I let go?

Any advice would be appreciated.

Lady...That it is. We have much in common. Not sure how long this has been going on for you. After 15 years of marriage my husband is also looking for something new. Has been pursuing someone who isn't all that interested. Finally told me this weekend that perhaps it is him, and nothing I have or haven't done. That he is having a had time figuring out what it is we do good together, and that there just isn't enough to keep him here. Even the kids. He wants out of everything.
I too am having a hard time letting go. I keep thinking maybe he will come to his senses, maybe he will regret his decisions. But finally I have come to the point where I am just too tired to care, too tired of trying to convince him of something. I want this to be over, so I have very slowly been preparing myself. Got the checking/savings acct, new credit card, looking for an apartment, talking to a lawyer this week. I have found that with each thing I have let go just a little bit, and have started to find the control in my life that has been missing these past 8 months.

I have finally gotten to the point of OH WELL....if he does at some point regret this....it won't matter to me anymore because I have started a new life without him. MB philosophies are nice but in reality, if your spouse wants out....there is no stopping them and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you take the trash to the curb, the faster you will heal and feel a whole lot better.

Yep, count me in here too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

My WH is on his 3rd A and has refused to let go of the OW through MANY attempts at healing on my part... I stopped counting d-days! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I have hired an atty out of a need for self-preservation. I cannot live my life in this limbo hell anymore!

I have no doubt that he will look back one day and regret the mess he's made, but I can't wait for that anymore. Even when he does I wonder if I can ever truly trust him again!!?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

It is one thing to be in a new relationship and have to learn to build a trust and foundation... but at least that is mostly an "even" field. WH is so deep in his lies and deceit that he has repeatedly proven himself untrustworthy. It's like working back from negative 2 million!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Yes, it is hard. I am very lonely and feel so isolated sometimes.I have already started looking around at what is out there and it scares the hell outta me! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> I haven't been single since 10th grade... now what??!! Yikes!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />