I haven't posted here in ages. Frankly, I don't know why I am now. I guess I am just lost. I am now divorced and my ex, I am convinced, never had any intentions of taking me back after I cheated on him. Refused counseling, refused everything. Thought Harley's book blamed him for affair. My ex refused to consider that he pushed me away by his utter lack of caring and attention--doesn't make what I did right, of course.

There are FWS's who are truly sorry for what they did...who truly want to work things out with their BS's. This is true b/c I am--or I guess I should say was-- one of them.

I wish there was a website where WS's could get support. Because though I have gotten some support here and made a great friend, let's face it, BS's rule here. (I'm sure there'll be plenty to attack me on that comment.)

While he claimed that he wasn't seeing anybody or talking to anybody, he was lying. He even created a Yahoo personal ad, saying that honesty is what he gives in any relationship.

Are there any people out there who feel the same?

Rae,

Sorry you are here under the circumstances. Yes, I am a BS but that matters not for what I want to tell you.

You were sorry, you wanted to do anything to fix the marriage, repentent, the whole thing right?

Thats good no matter how your marriage turned out, good for you. It's a life lesson and I bet it is something you will never choose to do again should you re-marry or get into another LTR right?

So far so good.

Now for the bad part. I'm not defending whatever it is your EX did or did not do leading up to your affair. 1, 6, 24 wrongs don't make a right however you break it down. The truth of the matter is this....

It was your husbands right to decide whether or not he wanted to stay married to you. It doesn't matter "why" he chose to end it. It doesn't matter that you wanted it to be fixed. It was his legal and moral right to do so.

If my WWXW had come to me doing what you did, I would have welcomed her back, that is my right as well as choosing divorce.

The affair was all about you Rae and what you wanted, the divorce or recovery was all about him. He chose divorce.

Remember, he didn't choose divorce because that was always his plan to rid himself of you. He chose divorce because he couldn't live with the aftermath and thats OK.

IT is too bad because it could have been a great growing experience but his choice and you can't hold it against him.

This isn't a bash Rae, not at all and not in the least. I just wanted to point out that while your affair was based in selfishness, deceit, and lies (you learned that though reading the books) your EX's choice was made based on your actions, actions he couldn't live with.

Hey, I couldn't live with my EX's actions anymore either (although she remains unrepentent unlike you) so I divorced her. Even if she had come around I could still have divorced her with a clear mind...if I had chosen too.

Good Luck, stick around, I think you'll find many more supportive people here than you think.

RebornMan

Hi Rae, I want to 2d Reborn. My soon to be X is unrepentent and protective of her OP. She says never and is just waiting for me to take action. It truly is his right to chose to divorce or to take you back. For me D was the option b/c there was no desire for reconcilliation. I say that with a clear conscience and after much thought. Her actions are what I base my action on, and her actions are why I choose divorce. She continues her A, is unrepentent and wants a D. Sometimes you come around to things too late. But it's not too late to gain from the lessons of your marriage. Rae you can still grow and find yourself and an honest relationship. Just face the reality of what's happened. You can grow and become the person you were supposed to be. Good Luck