well it is quiet right now and calm for a change. wh was here today spent about 3 hours with kids. was polite and even kissed him on the temple. he frustrates me so bad we are so far in the hole we have lost sight of daylight and he continues to run the country like there is no tomorrow. i am so angry with his behavior right now i could just scream ahhhhhhh. i would like to spank him so badly. he is literally spending us into the poor house. i am so worried about that i have no idea what to do.he thinks he is doing nothing wrong he continues to act like a spoiled 2 year old

joanna -

Is there anything you can do to protect your family from his spending? Trust me, WS's can go through money like water.

After D-day, my WH refused to pay anything on our bills, and I had to file for bankruptcy. Then he spent all of his salary for 2 years on the OW. Then he hit his retirement bonus, and retirement savings. All in all it was around $180,000.

So see if there is a way to stop him.

well right now we are preparing to file bankruptcy and until it is resolved i can't work because i make a lot more when i am working then him. they would kick it out in this state.his ia the only income we have right now and its looking like i'm going to have to do a real lb but its for the good of this family. i can't afford a theft by deception charge on my record for his stupidity. i am in school and will finish in about 12 months. i have to have a lic. to practice. to get my lic i have to sit for boards and they do a background check before they allow you to sit and any criminal activity and your out of there. anf my whole education is down the drain. i'll be asking do you want fries with that. and i have mentioned this to him before but i don't think he realized that i was serious about it. but i'm going to pound him cause he has 0 back up moneys and if i divorce him it will cost him about 900 a month for me. that will leave him with 400 a month to live on. so this is his choice i have to protect these kids. i will not allow them to suffer. and he does love them very much. so we will see which is stronger the love of his kids or the fog.cause i have had it with his childish behavior now. i am not an unreasonable person but he has really blown it this time. he either gets in here and pulls or he gets the hell out of the way so i can take care of business

i am so angry this morning i could just scream.he is so irresponseable. he is driving me mad i am trying to be really good but he is making it difficult to be. the worry over weather or not we will have elecricity or food is driving me nuts. he just doesn't get it. he is blowing money left and right like there is no tomorrow. i have to do something i really don't want to but he is giving me no choice. he has to quit the running and come home so i can cut the expenses or he can continue to run and i will drop everything on him and leave. no bankruptcy and he will be paying on a house that he doesn't live in and doesn't own. but i have to use what ever leverage i got to get him to see what he is doing to this family. am i doing the right thing.

Joanna - The fog will win, even over his love for his children.

My WH got a seperate checking account, but I could access it on line. He was taking out around $500. a week to blow on OW. When I asked him about it, he denied it. This went on for months and months.

He went through every penny he could get his hands on. And now he has NOTHING to show for it.

So don't hope that your husband will see the light. It is like expecting a heroin addict to act reasonably.

Sorry you are going through this.

What kind of work do you do?

What kind of degree are you working toward?

If he is planning to file bankruptcy in the future he is probably not concerned about how much debt he incurs because he is not planning to be responsible for it.

Take actions to protect yourself and your kids. Do not count on him coming home and being responsible.

Susan

Call your local legal aide and inquire how you can protect yourself from being responsible for your husband's infidelity debt.

THIS IS IMPORTANT !!!

Do whatever they advise you to do .... EVEN IF it means filing for a legal separation or whatever.

Do not let this affair ruin your kids or you any more than it already has....

Has he only recently been this financially irresponsible, or is this his pattern?

Pep

this is real new because i have handled all of the finances up until now. he has gone nuts.he is going to get 2 choices and i mean every word. he can come home and work to cut expenses or he can stay gone and i will drop out of the bankruptcy and stick him with it all. the house the bad debt. but what i am worried about is that there is no extra 0 savings at all and he is driving his acct. in to large negative numbers. the bank will get tired of paying his bad checks and they will start to return them. when they do he will not be able to pay them and he will end up in jail. i can't afford that. i am a nurse an lpn and i am working toward my rn if i have criminal activity on my record i will not be able to be lic. end of story done checked on it. already talked to legal counsel and they said pretty much what everyone else has said. but i want to give him the opp to do the right thing so if he dosen't then he can't say i didn't tell him.i know he will get angry but i can't help it. i have to protect these kids cause right now he isn't.

You may be able to separate yourself from any of his future debts ... MAKE A CALL RIGHT NOW .... and find out how to do that .... then do it!

Pep (RN and RNP ... keep going for your degree, it's worth it)

i have and will. i was feeling like we had reached a turning point for the better but this is going to blow the tenative peace we share i know it but he has left me with no choices. god i really hate this. i have worked really hard to do the right things and i keep getting stepped on. he was so loving and kind and never would have done this if not for his fogginess. [email]da@#[/email] i hate this so much having to choose between protecting my children and saving his butt. my kids always win .

already talked to legal counsel and they said pretty much what everyone else has said. but i want to give him the opp to do the right thing.........

He HAD the chance to do the right thing, but he DIDN'T DO IT. You need to protect yourself, and your kids, and let him suffer the consenquences of his poor choices. Don't try to take them (consenquences) for him, because he will continue to spend as long as he can get away with it.

This peace is a fake peace. I't's like saying "I don't want to tell my H to stop hitting me, because he might get mad." The damage is still being done, and will continue unless you stop it.


Please, Please, Please, make that call today, put the wheels in motion, and stop the madness. If you don't do something, no one will.

SS

okay i will its just really hard ya know. i feel trapped by all of this stuff. i want to try and save my marriage but he seems distant. but i had hope he would come alone. called an att. and advised me to do what i thought so ill get the ball rolling and he will just have to suffer. i have done all i can.pray for me and lord give me strengh

You really have a better chance of saving it if he gets a shock and comes to his senses.

Of course he will be angry. He'll blame you for every thing that ever went wrong in the history of the earth, but you need to do what is best no matter what he does. Please don't let him change your mind. He won't start to come around until he has to.

What you will be doing is speeding up the process. We don't know if he will stay, or go, but you can't decide that for him. You are just moving up the time when he has to make a choice, and stemming the loss. You can either do it now, or after he bankrupts you - but it will be the same decision.

Have courage, be strong.

SS

the only real thing i feel bad about is cutting off his cell phone due to his father is dying of cancer and we are placing his grandfather in a nursing home.it will make it difficult to contact him in an emergency. not knowing where he is and all but oh well its him or us and i choose us. hope he doesn't get pulled over his insurance is no good either. well if he wants he can get her to pay his bills i'm sure she's got 400 lying around to pay his phone bill. or 200 to pay his insurance. well if anything happens they can reach me. im at home since i don't have any gas money and i have to be at clinicals on thurs. night. saving gas to go to school.

Remember, only a few years ago, we didn't have cell phones, and we all got along fine.

What you are doing, is showing him how it will be without you to take care of him. You need to memorize and practice a line to give him when he blows up after he finds out. Something along the lines of:
"When you are ready to give up OW, and be a father and husband again, then I'll talk to you, but until then, my lawyers number is ###-####."

If he swear, rants, raves, and carries on, just give him the same line, and hang up. Don't try to argue with him, it will do no good, and you may say things you will regret. I'm serious, memorize it, deliver it, and hang up. You need to say it your own way, in your own words, but don't engage him in conversation when he is angry.

SS

i will but i dread it a bunch. but i have to just grin and bear it i know. i was hoping to have the convesation face to face but maybe the phone is better. at least i won't have to look at him while he blames me for every thing.