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As far as cardiac issues are concerned - do make sure you see a doctor. Marriage problems are absolutely BRUTAL on the human heart.
I am 20 years old; and I have a physical from my senior year of high school when i was 17 - my blood pressure was 117/72 which is exceptional.
Two years into marriage and my blood pressure is 155/110 with no medicine - I'm now on medicine for high blood pressure. I have no family history; I'm athletic, I'm hardly overweight at 6'2" 180...in fact I could afford to gain a few pounds.
Stress is an incredibly dangerous thing - it needs to be dealt with asap, because it does horrible damage to your body when it goes untreated.
-Fox
Me 20
WW 20
Friends since: December 10, 1999
Began Dating: October 29, 2003
Married Feb 13, 2004
D-Day: July 28, 2005
Separated since: June 9, 2005
Now in Plan B - headed for D.
Praying on God's guidance and support
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
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Thanks for the advice. I will call the doc.
MIL and SIL get their letters tomorrow AM. They will all be reading them at the same time. WW will know something is going on.
(singing - old ketchup commercial...)
"An-tic-a-pay-shun
An-tic-a-pa-ya-uh-shun....
foundareason
D: March 2006 (xw - multiple a's)
I have found a NEW REASON!!!!
A Treasure!!
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Okeedokee. I am guessing the letters arrived to her mom and sister. I got a call (let it go to VM) from WW. Very to the point. Call her back. Then a text message. Apparently I am out of control. I should wait until she gets back to do anything further. I need to see a therapist.
Woman, I have spoken to three different Harleys in the last two weeks!!!!!
foundareason
D: March 2006 (xw - multiple a's)
I have found a NEW REASON!!!!
A Treasure!!
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So should I call her back, or let her work on it by herself for a while?
Mel - you out there?
foundareason
D: March 2006 (xw - multiple a's)
I have found a NEW REASON!!!!
A Treasure!!
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Well, I guess it isn't going to be such a quiet weekend after all. I think I would call her back and let her explode in several sessions, rather than waiting for the big bang.
Remember whatever mantra you have decided on. It could be "I love you, and want to save our marriage", anything really. So when she goes off and says how could you do this, this is the last straw, Now I'm filing for divorce, I'll never forgive you, etc., instead of escalating the argument, just listen and repeat that you will do what it takes to save the marriage.
Make sure you are very calm when you call her. If you decide to call, come back here and let us know how it went.
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OMG, believer. Praise God for you!
Thanks for the instruction. I really need it. But I am putting on my soldier attitude. Leave the emotions in the closet. This is war, and emotions could get people killed.
Okay - I will call her in a little bit.
Thanks!
foundareason
D: March 2006 (xw - multiple a's)
I have found a NEW REASON!!!!
A Treasure!!
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Hey I think I may even be able to see the fireworks from my house. I live about 6 blocks from the ocean.
It's just my opinion as a woman, but I think it will be better for her to vent to you bit by bit. I know when I'm holding something in, I just get angrier and angrier. This way it will be like a pressure relief valve.
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Did you include the copies of the emails in your letters? Without showing them proof she will just make you look like a crazy person.
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I did not - but I can send some once she arrives home. I will ask them to keep the emails a secret.
I called the person I think she might be having sex with. He denies it and says they are just friends.
I do not know about that one, so I will have to let it slide for now.
foundareason
D: March 2006 (xw - multiple a's)
I have found a NEW REASON!!!!
A Treasure!!
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ok, I had better go back and read this thread from the beginning! Sounds like Mr. FAR has been a busy man! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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FAR, did you call her back? I am sorta hoping you didn't yet. Let her stew for awhile and convey the message that you aren't at her beck and call.
Great job on exposure! Like BobPure said once, he turned into a brave knight overnight when he exposed! He felt like a new man who took command of his life. BRAVO!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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FAR,
Did you expect fb to admit to being fb? His only answer no matter what was "no." You are right to let it slide. At least you put it out there that you're onto her antics and if he's a part of those antics, he'll be less likely to be a shoulder to cry on to participate further.
You're doing a great job and your strength is an inspiration. Remember when you speak to her you're talking to the addiction and don't take anything she says personal at this point. She's going to be mad as a wet hen.
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FAR, did you call her back? I am sorta hoping you didn't yet. Let her stew for awhile and convey the message that you aren't at her beck and call.
Great job on exposure! Like BobPure said once, he turned into a brave knight overnight when he exposed! He felt like a new man who took command of his life. BRAVO! Mel - thanks for stopping by! I tried to call her back, but did not make contact. I have not been able to get here until later tonite -and now I am glad I did not call. I think I will let her make the first call. I did not send proof to her mom or sister - but I will email it to her sister after WW has boarded a plane on Sunday. It will provide solid evidence, without her there to defend or run interference. Thanks, Mel, and all for the support. Sitting at the phone trying to get the nerve up to pick it up and call OMW or FB is crazy!!! I mean CRAZY!! But I know I have got to do it. I am a procrastinator by nature. Especially when calling OMWs and FBs. I need you guys like crazy right now. I will keep you posted.
foundareason
D: March 2006 (xw - multiple a's)
I have found a NEW REASON!!!!
A Treasure!!
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Tell the truth FAR, you are just making us wait for the 4th of July for the fireworks.
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OK - just talked to her. Apparently I have shown her how much I adore her and love her by degrading her, humiliating her, and tearing her down. My actions show no love to her, she says. She talked of the pain she is in. I asked if she had considered the pain she might be inflicting on me. She said that she has stayed in this marriage because she thinks of the pain she will cause. She said that I will not look at her point of view, or anyone elses except the cult that I belong to (marriage builders). I wanted to, but I did not offer to take my guides (you guys and Harley's books) and her take her guides (cards and psychics and new age books) to a counselor and ask their opinion about who has better guidance. She can chose the counselor.
Well folks, here we go.....
We pick her up at the airport tomorrow after lunch.
foundareason
D: March 2006 (xw - multiple a's)
I have found a NEW REASON!!!!
A Treasure!!
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Hi, found.
That there is a 6 foot long Cobra that you've got by the tail an it's powerful mad. That ain't no wife. You'd better get some distance 'tween ya and it soze it don't bite ya in da face. Expects lots a venom and spittin. Ain't no use in a talking much to it ether. Yous can't charm that one.
Ya wit me?
Gimble
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect.
-An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
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I just figured that out. You told me "don't talk to it" But nooooo - I gotta try to talk. Just gonna give it some space and let it cool off some.
Ouch!
foundareason
D: March 2006 (xw - multiple a's)
I have found a NEW REASON!!!!
A Treasure!!
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OK - just talked to her. Apparently I have shown her how much I adore her and love her by degrading her, humiliating her, and tearing her down. wow, and all this time we thought it was her sleazy behavior that was "degrading" her. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> Just hold your ground, FAR, she is trying hard to turn you into the bad guy. Just keep telling her that you love her and will do what it takes to save your marriage. Then SMILE sweetly. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> You are doing great! p.s. I would suggest using Harley as the counselor, otherwise you will likely be wasting your time and money. Most MC are not pro-marriage and cause more harm than good. Please don't leave that to chance and don't leave it to an insane woman to choose an appropriate MC!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
Just this second got a text message.
It reads: "I have not had any further contact with John, and will have no contact with him. Please stop hurting me."
What do I make of that?????
Gimble - I am still laughing. Guess you knew I was from texas, and would understand the vernacular.
Mel - thanks for the support. I am relying on you.
foundareason
D: March 2006 (xw - multiple a's)
I have found a NEW REASON!!!!
A Treasure!!
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FAR, sounds like exposure is rattling her cage. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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