These phones are really starting to bug me!

I changed the name associated with her number in my cell to "stbxw".

I just now turned it off.

Office phone is ringing now. I'll unplug it. In-house, we all use email almost 100% of the time, so I won't miss anything important.

Now, I've got to WORK (and forget).

-AD

AD, FGG:

How 'bout "Slarty Bartfast?"

-ol' 2long

Ah, the fjord designer.

AD,

I've been taking 3mg of Melatonin and find I feel pretty good the next day after the initial grogginess I feel upon awakening wears off (usually with minutes).

I only weigh 110#'s so 5mg might be okay for you being bigger than me. You can try to divide the dosage though, if it is powder capsule, just open it up and pour half into a drink of something and choke down.

Otherwise, cut it.

AD -

I was having phone problems with my XH and MOW (AKA the mouth). After one call too many, I took the landline off the hook while I used the cell to change both home and cell numbers, making the home # unlisted.

I know with a daughter it isn't quite as easy as that. But you could always change just the home number to an unlisted, and tell her since she was abusing the use of your phone line, she is now restricted to the cell only. Then you can turn it to vibrate only or silent or whatever you want. It will at least be a little more controllable.

Are you trying for full custody of your daughter, or 50/50, or what? I would try at least for 50/50, and probably even try to be the custodial parent.

Weaver,

Thanks for the tip on the melatonin. Sadly, I'm about 210, so 5mb should be ok, but if less will do, less is better. Maybe I don't need it at all. I just need the habit of going to bed. My goal is 7 hours - 11:30 to 6:30. I've been doing 5 or 6 lately. Last night, it was 8, but I was late for work.

They are tablets, not capsules.

Osxgirl,

I just got these phones #'s. I don't think she'll keep it up. I don't need the landline for anything anyway. It just came really cheap with the cable/internet service. Yes, she has to know my numbers. In a divorce with chilren (here), each parent is required to keep the other informed of home and work phone numbers. They are not, as far as I know, required to answer the phone. I'm just going for "standard visitation", which is quite generous actually - 10 overnights per month - without a fight. 50/50 is rarely used here - but parents can do anything they agree on.

-AD

I forgot to add to last night's posts....

Part of my convo with WW (gee, didn't I have a thread just for that?) was that I told her that I didn't plan to spend my life alone. After asking if I had anybody in particular in mind (my ans. "no"), she hacked away at me from every angle.
* "But you said you would be happy living alone.", sez she.
* "I want you to be alone. You don't deserve to be happy.", sez she.
* "I will ruin any relationship you have.", sez she.

I (amused) asked her how she intended to do that?

I asked her if she intended to spend her life following me. She replied "I don't have to follow you". "So", I asked, "what are you going to do, hide in the bushes with a camera?" I told her that trying to break up any future relationships I might have, would only make her look like the crazy x-wife. Honestly, she can follow me, spy on me - as much as she likes. I really don't care. I don't intend to have anything to hide.

Her main fear is that I might have a lady in my life who wants to be nice to our daughter. She is insecure in her role as mother. Honesly, I don't want to disrupt in any way her relationship with our child.

Her insecurities have been a big problem for me all along.

-AD

By the way,... I'm tired of the hide-a-bed.

I've got a bed. I've got to go buy a mattress set. I'm sqeezing my nickles til the buffloes bleat. I'll get a used set, if I have to.

-AD

AD,
We read, but often don't know what to say. Just wanted you to know.

I still think that if she wants to leave, she can do it without any help from you, and she can live her life the same way - on her own. That's what choices are all about. She made em, let her live with em.

SS

SS,

That's right!

Oh, and about 10 minutes ago, I plugged my office phone back in. It just now rang. I'm sure it was her. Anybody else would leave a message.

I'm supposed to have DD tomorrow night. I've got to communicate with WW about that at some point in time. bummer.

-AD

Wow, how controlling and selfish can a person be?

"I want you to be alone. You don't deserve to be happy."

I wish I could tell you something to say to her that would be effective in at least shutting down some of this from her, but I doubt she even really hears what you have to say. I think at this point your best bet is to just refuse to respond to anything she has to say except where it concerns your daughter. Easier said than done, I know.

I pray for you to have the strength you need to get through this mess.

BTW, they aren't cheap, but if you can afford it, I highly recommend a Select Comfort bed. It's basically a completely adjustable air matress, and one should last you practically forever! So even though it's initially expensive, over the long term it's not bad at all. And they have a 30-day money back guarantee if you don't like it.

Even though OW claimed they slept in it, I wasn't about to let that make me get rid of my Select Comfort (or have to pay that much money again for a new one - I bought it only a couple of years before D-Day.) Fortunately, that isn't a trigger for me. I figure even if it is true, I got to keep the valuable part (the bed), and she got the part (XH!) that wasn't worth keeping. Besides, I'm pretty sure if she'd been in my bed and they didn't change the sheets, I would have known. XH couldn't change a sheet to save his life, and I'm very particular about how the bed gets made - I would have noticed if someone else had changed them.

Be strong AD!

OK, I talked to W.

She was calling all day to appologise for all that she said last night. good

Then, we agreed on pickup/dropoff times for visitation for this weekend. good!

Then, she started in again trying to make rules for me about dating and such post-D. not good

Her particular concern is that nobody should try to "mother" DD - or "play house" with me and DD.

I refused to make any commitment but "I will always do what is moral and right - with respect to DD. I will follow to the letter the law and any court order in our divorce decree - and beyond that, I will do what, in my opinion, is in DD's best interest."

I'm not going to let her pin me down to any particulars beyond that. She wouldn't let go - kept pressing me for specific promises. Probably, I could agree with most of what she wants - but I dont' have to make her any promises now - beyond what I told her. I finally hung up on her (again <sigh>) - turned off my cell for awhile. Time and time again, I have made promises to her, which were subsequently twisted and given back to me as "You said you would..." or "You said you wouldn't do..." It's just better not to make any promises.

Still, I wish I could handle this more gracefully.

Later, I found a voice-mail in which she said that she didn't think we were ready to get divorced. She said we weren't ready to get married either. Poor girl. She's confused.

-AD

AD,

The only thing I might try differently in the future if I were you is to not hang up on her, but to gently say something like "wife, I am going to hang up now and unplug the phone. When you calm down and can discuss this issue respectfully with me, we can resume discussion".

That way you do not have the added guilt cycle on your shoulders and can possibly turn the "poor communication and lack of respect" types of conversation behavior around a bit.

Weaver,

Well, I don't really feel so bad about hanging up on her. Years ago I wouldnt' have imagined it. Now it has "happened" (me? using the sneaking passive voice? No, can't be) many many times. It does "feel" wrong, and if WW told people that I hang up on her all the time, I'm sure they would think I was a real jerk.

Trying not to hang up, I do say : "I'm finished talking about this. Is there anything else?" and other construct like that. She just won't let go when she wants me to commit to something. There is no alternative than to just hang up. Sometimes I say "I really don't want to hang up on you, but I've got work to do (or have to go to bed or whatever). It still doesn't work.

Oh well, she called to let DD tell me goodnight (which we are doing every night lately). After DD finished, she asked me if I got her phone-message. I said "yes" and told her I would reply by email. She said she would be sitting at the computer. But, I haven't replied yet. Writing to her (or speaking to her) a message that she will not willfully misunderstand is like trying to thread a needle in the dark while standing on one leg with one arm behind my back.

I guess I'll try now. But I need to take my pill <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> (sounds pathetic) and go to bed - soon.

In other news...

It seems like each time (only twice) we've been separated, I started collecting something. Last time it was stamps - silly business - unless you're 10 years old. This time it's pressure cookers, believe it or not. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Today I came home and there was a 65-year-old 20-quart pressure canner sitting on from porch. (There are two more really old cookers headed my way in the mail.) I spent an hour or so cleaning it up and fiddling with it. It's a pretty cool old monster, but I haven't fired it up yet.

I've got to stop this nonsense. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

After that, I "fixed" a pot roast in one of my more normal cookers.

And now, I'll attempt the email to WW.

Wish me good success - and say a prayer.

-AD

Try collecting Rembrants. It'l give you a reason to save your money. Then if you want to sell one, you can buy Texas or California.

Sleep AD, sleep.

SS