well, MI has a 100 mile rule , where one parent can't move more than 100 miles from the other without approval from either the other parent or the court. My STBXW, up and moved 250 miles away (in with her mother) on June 11th. No custody has been determined or anything yet. I went to my attorney to file an emergency hearing, which we had on June 27th. I expected the judge to order my STBXW to move back into our marital home until custody was determined and he had time to decide if he was going to allow her to move beyond the 100 miles. I knew full well that when the D was all said and done that she may very well be allowed to move in with her mom, but in the meantime I wanted my children back home where I can see them regularly. Well, the judge didn't even hear any testimony he just decided to let my STBXW stay at her mothers since it's the summer and the kids are not in school. He wanted us to come up with an agreement of equal visitation for the next couple of months. The problem is, if the judge wasn't going to force her back home until the D was final then he certainly isn't going to force her back at the end of this. She has already taken it upon herself to enroll the children in school, and is actively looking for employment. So at the end of the summer she will be able to say how well this situation is working out (for her) and the children are excited about their new school (even though they have told me numerous times they don't want to leave their friends), and how she has a job therefor forcing her to move back to the area would require her to quit her job and seek employment when she couldn't find work in our area etc... (of course you can't find work sitting at home waiting for an employer to knock on the door and offer you a job).

Why is it the courts just don't want to give the fathers anything? The least he could have done was have her move back into our home (I moved out 4 days prior to her moving out and was planning on moving out should she return) until he could hear the recommendation from friend of the court (they deal with child custody and support in MI, and have conducted an investigation but the results weren't in yet). Yesterday's decision basically told me that she is getting whatever she wants and it doesn't matter whats necessarily best for the children. Her reasons for moving that far away are all selfish too. She can be closer to her family, her friends, and her boyfriend. She now is saying how the cultural opportunities for the children are so much better as well as schooling etc. etc. But of course up until the dissolution of our marriage things were just fine here.

So essentially she is getting what she wants. She wants a D (otherwise she would have given up her OM last fall), she wants to be closer to her OM, wants to push me out of our children's lives as much as possible. (I will only be able to see them one weekend a month during the school year as my work schedule rotates and I only get one weekened off a month.) That just doesn't seem like enough time to be an adequate father, but I guess the STBXW doesn't feel they need a father. She grew up without one and I suspect she thinks she turned out alright, so our children will too.

I just don't see the need to fight any more. The judge up and gave my STBXW everything she wanted. I could care less about the personal property, that's just crap. It means nothing. The only thing I was fighting for was to be able to see my kids on a regular basis and be an active parent to them. I guess if I just stop fighting I can get a date for this to be final ASAP.

On a side note, I find it funny how no matter what I do it's wrong. We have been struggling financially for some time now. We were two months behind on the telephone bill, two months behind on the internet bill and I haven't been able to make all the cc bill payments. I decided a month ago that I was turning off the sattelite tv, telephone and internet service to save some money. Well, I get chastised because I want to turn those off because the STBXW needs them. Then I get chastised because I can't pay all the bills around the house. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

When will the madness stop?

Sux, doesn't it?

Don't give up on your kids. Move to where they are if you have to. Otherwise negotiate a parenting schedule that allows them to spend longer periods of time with you. Perhaps, over the summer and long weekends and times when they don't have school.

Divorce is a major upheaval. It demands a lot of flexibility and compromise. If you want to continue to co-parent your kids and play a major role in their lives, then do what you have to do.

The court is likely to favor what they view as best for the kids. It's nothing against dads. They have the authority to 'bend' the rules as they see fit.

I think you're right that she is going there to stay. Once she is established the court will let her stay there rather than uproot the kids again.

2 things that may not seem related but are in your sitch...

1. You live in the heart of liberal activist judge country, while they may shriek "fathers have rights too" they don't believe it so you are screwed.

2. Judges and mediators are spineless and gutless for the most part. If you don't raise holy friggin hell about this(and you should) they won't DO anything. Why should they? You didn't raise HOLY FRIGGIN' HELL!!!!! In Ohio it costs $25 to file a complaint or motion...Buddy, take $500 and motion the HELL out of them, be a total pain in their a$$ and then report their rediculous and disgusting behavior to the bar.

Your WW has ZERO right to take the kids and move, but since you allowed it, they will allow it.

Get It!!!!!!!!!!

Believe it or not, your WW has no right to uproot the kids and sign them up in another school district....really. If this carries on and school starts you need to press your district to file truancy charges against WW.....I mean it. THe kids are registered where you live, they have a history there and if the courts aren't going to force her to be reasonable you will have too.

I have more if you are interested and I can research case history for you to give to your lawyer if you have one...if not you file motions based on case history.

DO NOT ALLOW THIS TO PASS!!!! DO NOT ALLOW YOUR WW TO DICTATE THESE TERMS!!!

one more...

in caps

not because I am yelling but to emphasize...

WHEN YOU GET YOUR KIDS FOR A VISIT THIS SUMMER, DO NOT LET HER TAKE THEM BACK

Bud, you did nothing to deserve waking up in your house without your children, if she is choosing to leave it doesn't mean she gets the kids, it means this is one of the consequences for her cheating. It means if she wants to pursue her fantasy, let her, but the kids are not a part of that.

Good Luck

BA, I couldn't disagree more with this post. No disrespect intended at all but he does not have to cater to his WW. He doesn't have to move, he doesn't have to do anything but raise his children. If his WW doesn't want to be there it is her decision but that doesn't include ripping the kids away.

It just upsets me that anyone would think he should just accept it and move on. He doesn't have to and shouldn't.

That is why when he gets them to not return them. Plain and simple, he lives in the family home, in the school district they attend trsditionally and the WW is trying to "uproot" them.

THink about it Brutha...

Not only do I have my 2 by birth, I have my WWXW's other 2 children. Why would I have them as well? Because it wasn't there decision for Mom to F around. I point that out because it can be done, I am living proof that you don't give in...I didn't and I have all the kids, including those I am not the fahter of

RebornMan,

I respect your opinion. Except this part:


Oh, and we (you and I) are not "Brutha's".

Been through it, don't mistake keeping the kids as using them as weapons.

It isn't.

She made her decision, fine, the kids do not need their lives destroyed even more for her selfish choice's.

She wants to live far away, she's an adult and can do so, but why should the rest of the family suffer?

I'll just give an example, my kids have gone to the same schools since pre-school, WWXW was planning on doing the same thing his WW is doing ie...moving kids 45 miles away.

I told her under no circumstances were the kids going with her. I informed the school, the police department, had my lawyer file a temporary restraining order keeping the kids here.

She threatened to take them anyway but eventually gave up..and yes I did prevent her from visiting with them anywhere but in the family home for 4 months. I didn't keep her away from them, I gave her the option of seeing them here or not at all...her choice to make...she chose to not see them for 2 months or even call.

Doing whats best for the kids in light of a WS's disregard for their well-being is war. You either fight to win or surrender.

You wouldn't fight for your kids safety? Mental health? Stability?

Now if he thinks they are better off with her then fine...let them go..but if not you have to fight to win.

Just like trying to get a WS to come home...it's a friggin war, either fight to win or give up.

The "brutha" thing? Yeah I know all my "brutha's" OK, but you know exactly what I meant by that.

My ex (stbx at the time) moved 250 miles away and wanted to take the kids. I said no way. How old are the children? Because that may make a difference. My ex tried to convince the kids to go with him and they laughed him out of court for bringing in a 6 and 7 yo to state their preference.

That being said - I personally would fight it, UNLESS

There are no jobs or opportunities where you are. Apparently you are having problems with your bills. Maybe you should consider relocating to be where your children are if your own situation would improve.

V.

B

Check out this site. could help!
www.toprights.org

I don't think it's fair either. How can you be an active particiapnt in the children's lives? Isn't a dad inportant. I think my wife will soon file. She had some crazy ideas about the kids where I wouldn't see them too often. I just want 50/50 - they need both of us! If she goes through i'm gonna try to push for a 25 mile clause even if i have to muscle it a little - this is so we both can be with our children easily...

Well, we are having a hard time making the bills because my STBXW has been a stay at home mom the past 4 years and she likes to spend money. One of the huge reasons I am divorcing her is because of her lack of control over finances. She wants something - she pulls out the plastic and buys it. She doesn't think of the situation we're in. As for her work opportunities, of course there are fewer in northern MI than in the Metropolitan Detroit area, but she wasn't even looking. She kept telling me that she wouldn't work a minimum wage job, if you ask me that's better than sitting at home earning nothing! Now she is looking, because she wants to find a job so it will be harder for the judge to force her back to northern MI.

ba109, as for pack up and move to where she is, why should I have to do that when they WERE right here?! My STBXW is the one who wants to be so far away, not the children. It is an entirely selfish act on her part. She will never admit that though. She doesn't care that she will be ripping our children from me and they are too young to realize that it's mom's doing. Again, when we moved here 4 1/2 years ago it was fine with the now STBXW and we felt it was a better place to raise the kids. Now that our marriage has failed and she wants to be closer to her boyfriend, it isn't a better place to raise our children. The better place is what suits her better. It will be better for our children since she will be able to be closer to her boyfriend.

Better Man, Better Off

Wow. I'm faced w/ the same thing except the wife and child are currently in California and are coming back to michigan. What judge /city etc? I would of thought the judge would have ruled differently! I was really excited when I found out about 100mile rule a few weeks ago and also about mi. move-away (out of state) rules as well. Your case really bums me though...what the hell was the hudge thinking? Joint custody -fight for it! I know I wouldnt except any less. YOU (we/all of us) deserve to be part of our childrens life! Fight. I have links etc I could send-if there is any thing I can help w/ or ? I beleive in your cause regardless. Im in clinton county. Keep your chin up and love the kids regardless of the mother.

My X continues to complain that I'm 25 miles away (which was allowed in the court documents). Even though his antics during the divorce forced me to miss out on many home opportunities only 12 miles away. It doesn't matter how far, people always complain.

Do what is in the best interests of your children. Make sure you stay in their lives and parent them. Don't make it about the X, make it about the kids. Be the best parent you can me, when you are with them, and when you aren't. Coparenting is hard, make it work.

Because that's where your kids are.

You can either sit and whine about what is fair and what isn't or you can do what you have to do to continue to be a part of your kids' lives.

You already stated that the judge wouldn't even listen to testimony. If you have a case then convince your lawyer to present it. If not then work with what's been dealt to you.

Don't give up BMBO...and don't pack up and move.

Fight the hell out of this, get your kids for a visit and file temp orders and don't return them.

The longer they are there, the more difficult it becomes.

Have another court date coming up next week. We'll see how that goes. It's just crazy that there are so many deadbeat dads out there that don't want anything to do with there children and I want to be in my children's lives, I want to be an active parent, but it looks as though the court doesn't care.

Show that you care, not just in words. Be there for the kids.
Too many people treat the kids as property, and this is what the courts see every day. (Note: if parents can agree on custody and cooperate in the best interest of the kids - they rarely go to court).
Stay strong

Well...News Flash. In the state of South Carolina, myself and another woman I worked with did lose custody of our children due to lack of finances. In other words we couldn't afford attorneys. I can't speak for her but I can say that I was a very good mother. Divorced only on 12 months seperation, he has the better job, he could afford the attorney, he did get the kids. Hmmm....he worked ungodly hours and I stayed home with the kids for many years IT'S A NO BRAINER HE HAD MORE MONEY.

All I could do is intimidate the lawyer just enough to get joint custody, that only means I have more rights after a year and a half of him playing "you can't see them" Games! Men obviously withhold the children to hurt the stx too. He is still the primary custodial parent, and still holds the children over my head with no regard for me as the childrens mother.

I don't think mothers or fathers should ever do this..I do know if the shoe were on the other foot I would most definately think of my more of my children then to play games with their emotions.

So, the fair shake in the court systems are changing. Dads getting custody is not a rare thing anymore.

I reread what I replied. Was not taking what my xh did to me. You unfortunately are in the same sitch as me. Sorry for your pain. My kids live 10.5 hrs away...14b,8b,5g.