Hi folks,

WH just left after a long talk. We actually had a calm, civilized rational discussion about our relationship. Remember now, this talk was at his request. Initially, WH wanted to discuss details of the D which is not in progress, no paperwork filled out or filed. I explained, calmly, that I have no desire to discuss that right now, I thought he had come over to discuss the relationship?

We actually did start discussing our relationship. I found out some things that I really didn't know about myself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> First, he really has felt that he's come second to the cats. I know it sounds silly, but in retrospect, he's right. He said that I acted as though the cats were here before he arrived and they'll be here long after he's gone, so his voice didn't matter. At one point I had 7 cats, today I have 4, the same 4 I had when we first met. Second, he feels that I have been holding the fact I make more money than him, against him. With the fact that I had everything before we met, it certainly has been difficult to *share*. That's definately something I need to work on. I did tell him that I am going to come through this a better person and I believe that. I am learning things about myself and I don't intend to make the same mistakes in the future whether it be with WH or the next person.

At one point I asked him what was it about us that didn't click? Aside from the cat thing, he couldn't come up with anything. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Bottom line, I feel like he actually made a small effort tonight. He wants to go to MC, see each other a minimum of 5 hours during the week and every other weekend. We agreed that if at any time either one of us becomes uncomfortable and wants to discuss something at a later time, we will say so, and then we will. We agreed to give it at least 3 months before we consider a D.

Towards the end of our discussion he was saying things like, "If we work things out...," whereas prior to this it was, "In the divorce...."

Actions of course speak much louder than words. I will make the appt with the MC and we'll see how that goes.

Opinions?

Welp, u asked for 'opinions' so I just couldn't resist. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

As for your WS picking on you, that is par for the WS course. Point is if those were his concerns, why did it take an A to make him talk about it?

Here's my take. Let your Xws or WS know that you appreciate his bringing up those points. State it took effort on his part of which you appreciate. Let him know you will give his words some thought. Then ask when can you bring out your points?

Why? Because you want to know if this is just a setup or for real. Some WS have to reach waaay down in their pants to find something to fault the BS with. See if he isn't digging too deep.

JMHO,
L.

You crack me up Orchid. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I actually did bring up one point. I explained that he expected me to meet his needs without letting me know what some of those needs were. It's like taking a test written in a foreign language. How could I possibly be expected to do well?

But, yes, mostly, I let it be about him. I guess I figure I'll have my chance soon.

Glad to see you lightening up a bit. This A stuff is quite despressing. Now it's time we get you on a solid plan. R U ready for it?

I have to scoot off to work and won't be back 'til late. Will post check back on you tonight.

take care,
L.

How r u doing?

L.