i've posted before..got a couple great responses and i appreciate the help, but right now i just don't know what to do or where to turn. My husband left us May 20 for a woman he had a relationship with 25 yrs ago when they were teenagers..they have a grown son together and he and i celebrated 21 yrs together just 5 days before he walked out. My husband and i have 4 kids ages 19-6 and we've struggled finacially for all 21 yrs, but we always had each other and our kids and that's all that mattered. We were deeply in love, hardly ever argued and like he always said..we were like two peas in a pod. Anytime the ex would ever contact us, it was for money..this woman had 3 kids by 3 different men, gave one to her mother to raise because she didn't want him and was constantly drinking and sleeping around, going from one man to another. November 17 my husband had a terrible car accident and had to have surgery on his leg which left him laid up for quite a while..all the while i took care of him and he'd always say "Your so good to me, nobody else would ever put up with me and take care of me like you do" and i was more than happy to do it..he's been my life since i was 19 yrs old. But of course since he was unable to work, the bills started piling up, things were gettting shut off and he was falling into a deep depression, became very moody..finally when he was able to get back up on his feet he'd try to go back to work but was having problems still with his leg so it was very difficult for him. One day not long ago..his ex stopped him at the gas station and said "i've heard you're getting a settlement from the accident and i want my share"..neither of us were shocked, that's how she's always been. Their relationship ended badly...both used to party alot and run around on each other..but of course they were both very young. But on Mon the 21st..he left..and didn't come home til very late, drunk. The next day he was very depressed..Thurs he left to go round up some money and was gone all day, came home and said he was going to the races with a friend..kissed me goodbye and didn't come home all night. Friday morning he came home and told me he had been with someone, that they had drove around all night talking and that they still had feelings for each other and he was leaving us. We were devastated!!! My two older kids freaked out and my son who's usually very reserved literally took off in my car to 'kill' this woman. Well..nobody got physically hurt, but my kids both ended up in jail and i was alone with my two younger ones for 3 days to try to cope with everything that had happened on that day. Everytime i tried to talk to him..he was very cold. I told him i knew things weren't going to work out between them..her own son stood in my yard talking to my daughter (they were good friends) telling her she was a whore, always has been, always will be, and that the reason she's keeping him around is because he promised her a car. Over the past few weeks he's been coming over to spend time with the kids and in reading Plan A..decided to try to get along with him..to tell him i'd alway be here if he needed to talk..and to let him know that i do still love him whether things work out or not. He started going to Mpls to work with a friend of his, 200 miles away, and would come back up here on weekends. I was happy that were actually getting along and were even able to laugh and talk..he even started giving me hugs before he'd leave. Then one night before he left, he hugged me like he didn't want to let go, i asked if he was ok and he said "Yeah, i just miss you" and he quickly turned and walked out. The next day, June 14, my two older kids were still asleep and my younger ones were at a summer program at school..i had to go somewhere and when i got back..he was here. I thought nothing of it because i knew he was leaving for Mpls and was there to say goodbye to the kids, but i was a bit surprised he was there that early knowing the kids were gone. I walked in said hi and started to clean up the kitchen. He came up behind me and turned me around and started to hug me. He kept doing that..i'd step away..he'd follow me and hug me again..pretty soon we were kissing and i let my guard down and we ended up in bed together. After, he was telling me they weren't getting along..all they did was drink and argue and that in the few weeks they had been together, they had only had sex twice and that's because she was drunk. My husband was never much of a drinker, we'd go out maybe twice a year..but the week he left us, that's all he did was drink, and everytime he'd come home from Mpls, he spent the weekends drinking. Alcohol had taken over my husband. He went to the Mpls that day, came home last weekend and got another arguement with the OW on Fri night..came here on Sat..got drunk Sat night and came here..and again, spent the night with me. Told me he loved me more than i'll ever know..the next day was Father's day and my oldest son's b-day..so he had dinner with us..but that was after he had left, drove to town and told her he had spent the night with me. She of course was very angry..well..after dinner..he left again..and that night, came back..drunk, told me he didn't know what he was doing, kept repeating that, that he was torn, confused..that she didn't want him back. My reaction was "What do you mean she doesn't want you back? Did you go back and beg her to take you back?"...he just kept asking "what do you want me to say?"..i wanted the truth..finally he said "Fine..i went to see if she'd take me back"...Once again..my heart had been ripped out and i started to cry..told him to leave. He went to Mpls the next day..we talked on the phone a couple times..Wed we talked, and i asked if he'd heard from her, he said nope!..Thurs he called, and i told him my car was broke down, he informed me he'd look at it when he got back, then started stumbling over his words saying he didn't know how was going to fix my car because he wasn't allowed here anymore, that floored me...apparently he called and talked to her again, and she told him he wasn't allowed over here anymore, that if he was going to see his kids, he'd have to come and pick them up and leave. i flipped out, told him there was no way she was going to lay down any rules when it came to my children. Yesterday he showed up, wouldn't come in the house and told me he was here the pick up the kids..i told him if he wanted to visit with them, he'd have to do it here, he wasn't to be trusted, then he did the unthinkable..he got in his car and left, my kids cried for an hour. Maybe i was wrong, but i wasn't going to let them run our lives and go by her rules. I told him he'd better set her straight and fast. My 11 yr old believes his leaving last night meant he chose her over them, and it devestated him. I just can't take anymore..i don't know what to do..he's talking divorce now..why is he doing this to us??? Loving me one day..and going back to her and being a jerk the next?? PLEASE tell me what to do..i'm so lost, sometimes i just want to go to sleep and not wake up

i decided to sit down and write him a letter telling him everything i was feeling, what i was going through and what the kids were going through. I did this because i don't believe he actually realizes what he's putting us through. And when i'd try to talk to him about it, it's like he didn't want to hear it, would start to get defensive or i would get very emotional. When he came over yesterday, after he had left so angry at me the day before, i left the letter in my car (he came over to fix it)..i saw him standing out there reading it, then put it in his duffle bag..when he came in, he was over being mad and he and i got along again. Finally i think he was forced to actually "get" it. And before he left he asked to talk to me outside, he apologized, told me he told the OW that he was going to see his kids no matter what, that they came first, and also apologized for everything that had happened the weekend before, said it shouldn't have happened, i told him he was probably right, but that it did happen, and i believed it happened for a reason, that reason being that he did still love me, but, that i also needed to try to move on. He and OW agreed to stop drinking and i know he didn't drink this weekend, which also kind of has me worried because he's now thinking with a clear head so to speak, and he's still with her. Not even sure i can attribute any of this to the alcohol anymore..but..it's only one weekend..guess time will tell if they're actually in love or not..it just still hurts soooo much

ok..that was 3 days ago..we haven't seen or heard from him since, he promised my boys he'd be come see them the next day and they sat outside almost all day waiting and watchin for him, he never showed up. Finally was able to track him down last night sitting at the bar where the OW works, he wasn't drinking, but just the thought of my 11 yr old in the other room, sitting on the couch crying because he missed him was more than i could take. My car is again broke down..we have no money, and he's running around kissing her *ss instead of taking on the responsibility he's suppose to was just too much. My 11 yr old believes he only comes over because he has to and i heard my 6 yr old saying "i think daddy loves her more than me". It's like he's trying to forget they exist. I ended up in my anger calling him and telling him that if he's going to choose her over his own children (OW told him one condition of a reconcilliation was that he wasn't allowed over here anymore)..then he needs to stay away completely. I know that might not have been the right thing to do, but i was just SO angry!!!! I was told this could last months, to be honest..i don't think i can do it another day, let alone MONTHS. She's also been pushing him to get a place with her and he's told her he wasn't ready, but i have a feeling this is another of her conditions and he will end up doing just that. I just feel him slipping farther and farther away.