Hi folks I desperatley need any advice, guidance on thoughts on what to do to stop my divorce. She is moving ahead and I know she ahs doubts at times but may be in too deep? May be getting pressed by a friend and her therapist?

Whatever the reason I can't seem to slow this down and come together and admit our lovebusters and how we both contributed to this situation and how we can recreate our romantic love from a 22 year marriage.

Any successful strategies?

Sorry to say it, but there isnt much you can do. Im divorced and I begged my EX to slow down.....we went from married to divorced in less than 3mo.

PS. She told me a few weeks back, that she wishes she could go back in time and kept our family together.

Too late, Im happily remarried.

Bill
The above poster is new; there ARE things you can do to slow down the process. Have you read all the articles on this site (not the discussion forum, but the MB website itself)? Read up, and apply where you are in your marriage situation to what you've read.

You mention a therapist - are you both going to a marriage counselor (who could be different)? Would your W consider going to marriage counseling?

I would suggest that you also go to the "Plan A & Plan B" and "General Questions" discussion forums after you've read everything on the site. There you will find hope and encouragement for situations like yours (not divorced yet). Keep us updated!

First of all Im NOT new, Ive been here for 3yrs.....actively at first, but now more or less lurking. Yes, there are things you can try to do to slow the process........BUT, what Im saying is IF the other person wants the divorce, THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP IT. Thats what Im saying. Even if you dont sign the divorce papers handed to you, they can STILL divorce you.

Im not telling this person to not do plan As or Bs or counseling or whatever. But there are cases such as mine when the other person wants out and there is nothing you can do.

[color:"blue"] Startin [/color] -
I was going by your member number, which implies you just joined MB. The original poster ( [color:"blue"] Billp [/color] ) is new too. The fact that he asked specifically for help to slow down his marriage and your response was very succinct and didn’t really answer his question prompted me to reply. I apologize if I offended you but I was trying to give some hope to him - the one who needed it.



Possibly true, since we can't control others, only ourselves. However, if the process is slowed, there is still HOPE for working on the relationship, and for a better outcome. That is what [color:"blue"] Billp [/color] wanted to know and I think it holds true. Since he didn’t indicate he had read any of the articles on this website (and many jump right into posting in their panic mode) I figured that would be the best place for him to start.

The day my husband filed, I told him that evening that I wasn't planning to work toward a divorce, I was going to work on my marriage. I challenged his petition for a divorce. We went to counseling separately and apart - it was a pro-marriage counselor. He worked with both of us separately and together.

I worked on myself. My x tried to work on me in his individual sessions - obviously, he didn't understand that he needed to work on himself. And I don't think he has to this day.

So, 11 months after he filed for a divorce, his attorney sent my attorney an Order of Reconciliation which he wanted me to sign though he had never discussed it with me.

About 18 months later, I decided I couldn't stand the strain any longer - by this time he had been gone for about 2.5 years. I'd had no legal document ordering him to pay support for 1.5 years. Nothing saying he had to bring the children back home at the end of his parenting time. No emotional support from him. No nothing. And the stress got to me. I fell back into depression.

That was when I decided I had to regain sanity in my life. Obviously, in my opinion and the opinion of the counselor, it was time to throw in the towel. I filed.

YES!! You can stall a divorce. I am living proof of it. However, I ended up paying an extra $5K or more to do it.

Thanks Cinderella, I am only trying to stall long enough to show the lovebusters are no longer there and get her from withdrawal to conflict (I think she is about there) and then try and reconnect. If the divorce goes thru financial and other distractions will hurt and delay us if I can do this at all. How do i work with my lawyer and wife to get into programs or counseling (I would love to use Dr Harley) and try and restore our love and connection?

She currently has this wall up and when she says she tries to look at me with love the wall prevents it and her heart is not open. I need help from this group!!