Hi tucson,

I'm not here very often anymore but your post caught my eye and I wanted to give you my personal opinion.

Your husband is definately in the "fog" !!!! Try to find the thread explaining the "Chemical Process" and what the "hormones" do to WS when they are involved in affairs.
It is so interesting and this helped me to understand the situation much better.
Maybe someone can "help out" to find this thread.

Try to see you WS as if he is "Nuts" right now. He is not capable to "Think straight"!!!

Don't you make any Life-altering decisions right now either.

But I would agree with what the others are saying.
Plan B!!!!! This will help you to "restore" the love that you have for your husband. It'S important for you to remove yourself from the pain that it will cause.

I'd personally get the affair out into the open and then go straight into Plan B!!!!
Let your WS and OW deal with this on their own.

Be confident, relationships that are based on lies, sneakyness and unhonesty will NOT work!!! Trust will always become a big matter as the relationship didn't start with anything "Trustworthy" and the affairees display how "unhonest" they can be. (even if they think their relationship is exclusive)

Don't try to make sence out of anything...........it doesn't make sence and it never will. Lies are lies.

If this relationship was truely meant to be, it would feel good and it would harm "nobody". Your WS would be able to tell the "world" if this was the right thing to do. There would be NO secrets!!!!Your WS would have NO reason to wobble back & forth!!!!So, it doesn't feel as good as he might be trying to convince himself!!!
So what does that tell you. If it was as "logical" as he is trying to convince everyone, he wouldn't have such a struggle.

So, it is up to you to take controll over your life. Remove yourself for your own safety and the safety of your child.
Let him "live his reality" with OW!!!!!!
Don't get involved with "his" life".

Give yourself a "Time Limit" for this and read all you can about Plan B!!!!!!
Be confident and come here when you feel down!!!! It has worked for others and it can for sure work for you.

I'd also like to encourage you to talk with Steve Harley. He knows what he is talking about and he can give you the best advice ever. Work out a solid plan with him..........."try" to "do it" right from the beginning on.

Affairs come in all varieties and yet the affairees almost always react the same.
take care and stay strong!!!!
bb

Thanks for the support bb.

WH moved out on Friday night. It was very emotional for us both. Which is why this is still so hard and confusing for me. He resumed contact with OW last Monday and continued all week. At one point, he told me it was "just lunch" and of course the cell phone calls drving to/from work. I had to let him know that with her it was not and would never be "just lunch" again.

So every night last week I asked him what he was doing and he said he didn't know - he doesn't know what he wants. I felt like we were back to where we were the first time he left in February. I just felt so drained and defeated with all that I have put into this for the past 7 weeks (he was home for 5 of those). He only went a total of 4 weeks with n/c and there is no way for me to know that for sure, that's just his word.

So I just couldn't take it anymore and certainly did not feel as though I deserved this. It is like he is putting his feelers out to see if she would really take him before he would leave. He even told me he didn't know if she was the one, but he felt like he had to find out.

So I gave him a choice to force him to make a decision. Either stay home with me and our son and end all contact with OW permanently or leave. So he said he knew he couldn't/wouldn't stop talking to OW and he didn't want to hurt me anymore, so he would leave. We both cried alot and he said he wishes this never happened and that I don't deserve any of the pain or tears I have cried over this. He said as he was leaving that he didn't know if he was doing the right thing and that he only wished he had my strength.

How can he be so uncertain and still go?

I forgot to mention that he moved in with OW. I knew that is where he was going. He said he wasn't sure if she would let him stay with her or not, but he called his Mom yesterday to tell her that is where he was and where he was staying for now.

sorry tuscon, I just read your post this morning.

How are you doing???

bb

Tucson,

As soon as your are ready, you need t/b in plan B. Like it SD said, you need to let him really miss his family. Also the OW needs to meet his needs.

BTW, it isn't love for the OW rather a distorted type of lust created by the A. The OW is not a great catch and it is just a matter of when not if the A will fail. It is already failing. The OW stinks and if you keep letting back into your home, your home will soon smell from the stench of the A and OW.

Secure your finances and strengthen your support group. Keep up with your IC and work executing a strong plan B.

L.

How r u doing?

L.