Hey all, I really need some help here. I need to learn to “get over” this. For almost two years I have run a business, raised my children, and well, I have done all the things the two of us had to do, without the mutual support we shared before she lost her mind. All I think about all day, every day, is this situation with us. The range of emotions, anger, hurt, sadness, and well, a host of others is more intense than I have ever dealt with. The thing is, they are no better now than they were then. The intensity is sometimes overwhelming and exhausting. It is not only my love that was crushed, but what she is doing to these children and the rest of my family.
My wife left me and our two Sons for the OM in early October ‘03. Although she said she just needed to be “on her own.” She didn’t want to be married anymore. Man, just thinking about that time is too much. I have been here before, but not since the change in the MB forums. She had two other affairs in the year and a half following the first. The first was a couple months, the others were much shorter than that. I have no idea what she has been doing in the past 6 months. As you can imagine, there is SO much to this whole story I could write a book. I don’t know what happened to the woman I married 15 years ago. We have not seen her in over 6 months. She has not spoken with the children or anything. Not even a phone call on my DS6 6th birthday!! He was crushed. She lived 3 miles away until 6 months ago and the only time she would see or talk to the kids was when I would call or take them there. She had me “detained” (hand cuffed and read Miranda rights) in January and the Police made me sign a trespass order for the apartment complex she lived at. She told the police that she was “afraid of me”. If you knew our relationship, you would know she had NO reason to say that. She knew and knows I would never lay a hand on her. She had just started her third PA and this was a way she could keep me and the kids away is the only thing I could figure.
As I said, there is SO much more to all this mess, the fact that her first affair was with my DS14’s Tae Kwon Do instructor. The guy who was teaching my son honor, respect, responsibility and discipline. My son was the first Black belt this guy produced as an instructor. We knew him for years! I just need to get some closure. I feel like my head is about to explode sometimes, like now. I just wish we could have talked about some things. She has gone black. I have no idea what her intentions are. I don’t even know how she filed last years taxes. I got an extension, and have not dealt with that yet. Last I knew she was in GA. I have to figure out how to get this off my mind, at least some of the time. It is effecting my health and relationships with others.
Without me going on and on more, can anyone help with this? I really don’t want to seek counseling as I don’t want that to reflect negatively if it comes to a custody battle (There are already complications there). Plus, after she got fired from her job, she lost the health insurance that was covering all of us (I was paying her for it after canceling mine to switch to her better insurance), I am no longer “By industry standards”, insurable. That is another tragic part of my life, but has little to do with my question here. But I know a lot of folks want to suggest counseling. I really don’t want to go that route for a number of reasons.
Sorry this is so long, I know there are others that have felt the pain and misery I am in, I just need to know how to make it stop without her help I guess.
Thank you in advance,
CJ
