I am new to the board. My scenerio over the last few weeks is in a thread on EN.
Newbie with a story How Do I Answer This Question??? After you have read that thread, my update is as follows:
Tuesday I gave her a very thought out email in which I told her that I know that I can make her happy. That I am willing to work hard to do so. Then I went on to say how I was basically going to Plan A to the best of my abilities.
She responded with how she just didn’t know if the feelings would come back. And she thinks that if she waits around to see, then if they don’t then it will be that much harder to end it.
She said that she did not want to end up like her mother and be 50 years old and unhappy. Well, her mother says that while her marriage is not 100% perfect, she understands that marriages take work, and that she loves my W’s father and is committed to their marriage.
Wednesday I come home, she had been visiting with my mother. Background: My mother had made a smart comment to my W last week about our situation and I had spoken to her several times telling her that it was not appropriate. I had talked her in to supporting me in trying to save my M. And this meant not taking sides, and also apologizing to my W about the comment. So, I come home, say Hi, ask if she talked to my mother. Right off the bat I could tell by her voice that she was pissed at me. She said my mother told her that she was sorry for what she said but that she was worked up because I had told her that my W was telling me to get out of the house. Well, I explained to my W that I had told my father that W was talking about a trial seperation, which was 100% true at the time. I truthfully told her that I never said that to my Mother. It was clear that she wasn’t happy about it regardless.
I go upstairs in our bathroom and see for the second day in a row that she is not wearing her wedding rings. She comes up, puts on lotion, puts the lotion back right by the rings, and walks out. I got upset and went to talk to a friend to calm down (I did nto say anything to W). When I come back I go to her and tell her that I am having a hard time. She lets out a biiigggg sigh and says “what is it now?” I ask her if I should read anything in to her not wearing her rings. She says she was putting lotion on and forgot to put them back on. This is a women who notices if I have my ring off for 5 minutes. She had always worn her rings.
Add to this, she was getting ready to go to a youth ballgame at the park, by her self, dressed in a short summer dress.
Anyhow, when I bring up the rings she says “Did you stop at Tim’s house?” I lied and said no because in the past when I say yes she then says that he is telling me what to say.
Then she goes on to say that I cannot even stick to my Plan A for 24hrs. I can’t change.
I tell her that I don’t like the idea of her going to the park and presenting her self as available. She ends up putting her rings on and says that she will pick up our oldest son from the grandparents and take him to teh game with her.
We both leave in a huff. Her to the game, me to take my brother to the movies. (War of the Worlds. I really liked it.)
I get back from the movies, say Hi, and can tell by her hi back that she is pissed. I go upstairs. She follows and says so, where ya been? I say, “long movie”. She says no, I checked how long it lasts. What did you do, stay at your parents for a while? I said no, I dropped off my brother and drove around a bit. Then she says, you are lying to me again, the second time today. i know that you stopped at tims today and then lied to me, and now you are lying to me again. ( I honestly drove around like I said). So again I hear, you haven’t changed. You lie like always. You can’t change. She stomps downstairs. I keep calm but follow her and say “ok, you wanna have it out, let’s do it”. So we argue for awhile. She ends up saying that she is filing for a D, and that she hates me. I tell her that she will regret this. I say that in a few years when her head clears, she will see that she had a H willing to work to make her happy, to save the M, but that she wouldn’t give me a chance. I say that I am not a horrible person. That when she goes out with other guys she will see that I wasn’t so bad after all.
We argue a bit more, then go to bed. She said that I needed to sleep on the futon, I say no way, so she does. I ask her to please sleep in our bed, to let us please quit this. she continues to be very cold and cruel to me. I really don’t feel like I lost my cool. I did not say anything that was meant to be hurtful. I only said what I truly felt and wanted her to know.
OK, I should not have followed her downstairs and kept the arguement going, but I felt like I was under control, wasn’t saying anything out of control, and wanted to make sure she knew where I was coming from. I truly do not feel that I was being mean at all in anything I said.
Fast forward to this morning. I still say bye to her as I am leaving for work. She says bye and says to have a good day at work. After a few minutes I have to come back to the bedroom to get something else before I leave. I walked in and was walking out without saying anything when she stops me and says “hey, things got out of hand last night, for both of us. And I do hope you have a good day at work”. I say thanks and head out. But I did appreciate her saying that.
But, once again, her signals are so mixed up that I don’t know what the hell is going on or where I stand.
We have a MC session today. He is going to spend a little while with me alone, then get us together. After last night and this morning I have no idea how it will go.
Comments?
Any women on here who have a clue where my W is at? I have been suffering for 6 weeks now, and have been trying hard (although not always sucessefully). She makes me feels like I am fighting a losing battle.
