Well just when you think things are starting to get better, then everything changes. Monday he said that the last couple of days were better, we talked and things seemed upbeat and then last night we talked about MC. He then says that he wished he had never told me all the things about our M and the things that were making him unhappy, because now he finds it harder to be around me. I think he feels this way because I want to talk about our feelings and what we can do to be happy again. He just rather tune it all out an ignore it like he has and be unhappy with me. He has been at a local conference that his work has been prepareing for a month and I know he is exhausted and emotionally drained. When he came home last night he was distant and cold towards me, which was after we had the conversation about MC on the phone on his drive home.
H tells me that he doesn't want to hate me or resent me and doesn't know my motives behind all the things I'm doing to make myself happy and excited about life again (one of the things that made him unhappy about M). I guess that he thinks I'm faking it just to please him and to keep the M together and not doing it for me. Should I not be talking about our feelings so much, am I making it worse?
Up until last night I was doing all the things to supply him with EN and was feeling good about changes I was making in my life to make me happy. But I'm really starting to get worn down with his lack of caring for me and the M. I'm tired of having this sick feeling in the pit of my stomache and feeling lonely. He should be supportive in tring to work things out and I'm getting to the point were I don't want to even be around him. And I think hes starting to feel the same about me.
We are supposed to go with friends(woman he has been talking to at work and her H, look at my other posts and you'll understand), dancing late and stay at a hotel on Sat. My H and I have not been out alone for probably 6 mo and overnight anywhere for almost 6 years. Up until now I had planned a romatic night, but now part of me doesn't even want him to come. I know I'm setting myself up for a let down because he's going to act the same and make me feel bad.
I think I'm starting to feel I'm done, its not worth the pain he's causing me. I deserve better, I need to do what makes me happy and this is not it. I have made so many attempts to make things better and he just acts like he could care less. Maybe he does have OW and its just too far gone (he did keep a call I made this morning brief, like he was taling to someone else)? Maybe emotionally he just can't get past his unhappyness with me, even though its his doing for not being open with me with how he was feeling in the first place, years ago.
I just don't know what to do at this point, but it seems that talking about his feelings just makes it worse. So I think that I will just not say anything to him anymore and start living my life to make me happy. @#!* him!
